Working mom with old school value pressure

La - posted on 07/30/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )




My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years..we're 26 yrs old. We have a 2 1/2 year old daughter together. We are fortunate to live in his childhood home, that his parents kept after they built their new home.

He runs a business with his father, very labor intensive. I work full-time as well.

We have similar morals and values, but do not always see eye to eye. For example, he was raised by his parents who I adore but his mom was a stay at home mom who did everything for him and her husband (her husband never even changed a diaper). So he has a very "old school" mindset.

That being said, it's like pulling teeth to get him to help me do anything around the house or caring after our daughter. In his mind, he worked hard all day making decisions and laboring, so he should be able to relax when he gets home. He's a very determined business man, and I respect that but he comes off as pompous when it comes to the needed attention of our child and me.

And what about me? I get our daughter ready every morning, work 9-10 hours, come home cook dinner, clean (bf rarely even clears his plate from the table unless I basically demand him to), give my daughter a bath, read her a book and put her to bed. And "job" never ends. Not to mention I clean the house, do everyone's laundry, food shop and manage the bills.

He has never willingly helped me with anything (besides bills of course). If he does help (after I ask, beg, demand), he makes it seem like such an inconvenience.

Sex dept. is good, because I respect the need to fulfill sexual desire. But honestly, he doesn't even show passion anymore..he whips it out..

I'm clearly overwhelmed and upset because we are not a team. He doesn't get it even after multiple conversations about this. I feel like we lost our connection, compassion and understanding for each other. I want to work through our differences but he is unwilling to seriously talk about this anymore.
Overall he's a good man, who just needs to grow up. But I'm afraid we will never come to an understanding. Idk what to do..


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La - posted on 07/31/2014




Thanks for your comments. He is actually very giving when it comes to money, never has a problem helping to support us financially. I agree to counseling, I'd like to try it if he is willing. A part of me feels like the only way we would work is if I become a stay at home mom and continue doing everything involving house work/caring after our daughter. However, I just graduated from college I have a lot of bills and I don't want to put my degree to that is not an option right now..

Serene - posted on 07/30/2014




If you are very unhappy with your significant other and you feel like he isn't making you happy anymore or if he isn't willing to change for the better, Noting worst then living with a sexest "pig." then you should get up and leave him. You two aren't married and have been raising your chld by yourself praticually so what would it hurt to move onwith your life with out him?
Sounds very disrespectful in the sex department, if my fiance just wiped it out and stuck it in me I would be P.O.
You sound like an independent women and you can take care of yourself. Why be with him if he cries about paying bills. Really? if he was a "real man" he would be willing to pay your bills. Espicially since he a very determined business man.
My fiance helps me pay the bills, cooks, cleans and helps me take care of my two children from previous relationship. Now thats what you call a real man.

Michelle - posted on 07/30/2014




If you can't talk with each other then I would suggest a marriage counsellor. That way you can tell him what the problems are with someone else around and it may help him to hear someone else explain that a marriage is a partnership, not 1 sided.

My husband and I both work full time and we have 3 children. We share the chores and my husband does his and the children's laundry while I work on a Saturday. I cook every night but he does the dishes. We both look after the children and if any of the children need us during the night it's whoever hears them gets up.
If we didn't have an equal marriage I don't think I could do the trip we are on at the moment. We are traveling for 5 weeks driving across Western Canada (we are from Australia) with all 3 children in an SUV. We have 1 week left and haven't fought at all.

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