Would I be a horrible mother if I moved to a different state for work and to get married?

Brandy - posted on 03/29/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




I have been divorced for about 3 years. We have joint custody of our 7yr old son, with me having him 70% of the time, his dad 30%. I have always been the provider financially even when we were married. I'm in the mortgage industry so my career took a nose dive this last year and I've taken an 80% cut in my income. I have been dating a very successful level headed man that lives in another state for the last year. We met through work and he has a very lucrative high paying job so it would be silly for him to leave that and move up here with my job being practically non-existent. He is an amazing guy and is great with my son. I would work with him and we would get married. We've been trying to work with my ex to come to an agreement with our son and I to moving to Texas (we're currently in Idaho), and him staying with him during Summers and splitting Holidays. Understandably, he doesn't want to agree to letting his son move, but also doesn't want to step up and pay any child support. I've been told by several attorneys the only way it could happen is if he agrees or screws up really bad. The only option now on the table is for me to keep our son during the Summers, and to leave him here during school year. I could keep my house and come stay here with him for a month and go back to Texas for a month and so on during the school year. If I knew I only had to do that for a few years than we could eventually move back or my son move down there, I would probably be ok, but there's no guarantee it would be temporary. Am I being selfish if I decided to move and has anyone else been in a similar situation?


Ev - posted on 03/29/2014




And a lot of us would tell you the same message the attorneys have told you: Dad and the judge have to be okay with this and approve of it. By moving your son away to Texas you would do a few things: 1) Restrict dad's time with his son since that move is more than a couple hours away. 2) Uprooting a child from what he has known his entire life to this point makes it rough on the child. 3) Just because your new guy is great with your son, blending the new man into your child's life is not going to be instant happiness and needs to be worked on from day one. 4) This whole thing can cause resentment as well from your son and his dad mainly.

What you need to do is consider what is better for your son. If he really needs you with him, what is wrong with your new man moving to Idaho? I know you said he has a good job where he is but why can't he move? It does not matter that you were the bigger provider financially to your son up until your job went south or that he lived with you 70% of the time. Its really what is in HIS best interest right now, not what you want or dad wants. And being if you took him out of state against the dad's wishes, you could loose custody. Also it costs a lot to transport a kid back and forth to visit a parent and if your kid's dad does not have the funds to do this, is it fair that the two of them miss out on visits because dad can not provide the means to get your son back and forth?

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