Young adult dating losers and trying to get her to realize boyfriends need a job, car and phone or they are not boyfriend material. Am I wrong here?

Deanne - posted on 08/19/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




We have a girl who will be 21 end of Oct. She is dating a guy who has no job, drivers license and phone. My daughter has had her troubles (when 16) so we have custody of her child until the child is 5 1/2. This guy is the same as babies father who is irresponsibility and dropped out of this babies life at the hospital when three hours old. She wants us to welcome this guy into our home as a guest, but they have been dating only three weeks and we don't want boys in and out of this child's (babies) life. She is spending all her money on this boy and is broke by Thursday. Contracted something and I'm getting the calls and mail on him so his parents won't find out. Just started this week and not sure if I should informed his parents or not. She is repeating the same situation that we had and experienced when she was 16. Husband wants to find her apartment pay first and deposit, sign her car over and give her the first months car insurance, and also furnish the apartment and back off. Intentions are to wake this child up to reailty, we expect she will crash and come home with a different view. We have even offered this boy some work (not hard work) in one of our stores and he has refused. Our daughter does work for us and has for two years now missing only two half days. I had to send her home because she was sick both times. We are at our wits end to get her to realize the value of a dollar the door will swing both ways but not with this boy. She picks these fixer uppers. She has put herself now without a phone and that was the only bill she had because of blowing all her money on this boy. We don't have much time before this child (baby) goes back to her mom (my daughter). My husband and I have worked our behinds off for the last 23 yrs working two jobs saving money and finally have five stores and can at least pay our bills every month. Advise?


Dove - posted on 08/19/2012




Can you petition the court to extend your custody of your grandson based on her still having no place to live and not being able to fend for herself?

Is she a good worker at your store or do you keep her there because she is your daughter? I'd certainly keep her working if she's doing good at her job, but other than that I think it's time she got a big dose of reality. I do like your husband's idea, but I think instead of giving her the money I'd calculate how long she would have to work (since you know what her paycheck is) in order to be able to afford her first and last month rent at a cheap place and first month of insurance. Then you sit down with her and explain that she has that long (plus maybe a week or two) to save up the money to find a place and get out.... or she's out anyway. Time for some tough love and a big dose of reality.

Or you could let her know that starting with her next paycheck she will be paying you whatever percentage of the paycheck that you deem reasonable in order to remain under your roof.

Does she do anything for her son at this point?

1 Comment

View replies by

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms