young step mom

Priscilla - posted on 03/24/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )




Okay so a little background story (over the past 2years)

I was 16 when i met my husband (he was 20). Right off the rip he told me he had a daughter but the bm and him are done. We dated, i ended up watching her for a week and a half (she was 1 1/2 yo) then she wen back to her mom, my hubby and i moved in together, thing were great, second time she came down (she just turned 2) it was horriable. The whole month everyday she cried cause she didnt want to be with me.(i understood im not her mom or dad) she went back, then a few months later her mom didnt want her anymore and told my hubby to come get his kid (we dropped our shit that night and drove from south florida to rhode island in 22 hours to get her).....we kept her for a few more months..we gave her back, got married and moved to r.i to see if we could live closer and work there... no luck so we moved back to soflo(i also got diagnosed with lupus) so we spent 3 months getting back to how it used to be (hubby working,renting a house, finicials back in order)..... Now that we are back to doing good and stuff we got the baby back (idk how long this time)...

The year before i met my hubby i was on the depo, i met him and he wanted me off of it so i got off. I just past the mark of it being 18 months out of my system. While it was in my system my hubby said he wants more kids blah blah blah, but now that i think we can finally try to have a kid he wants me back on bc......

Its like everything we talked about in the beginning of our relationship has changed. Like he wants me to be a house wife and stay home with his daughter, who told me she doesnt want to be with me, clean the house, no job not future....i have no problem being a house wife but i want my own kid (i want a son)... like i want to have my own kids too so she can play with and have siblings...i have dreams of having a big family with alot of kids but he said we already have on kid thats enough for now but shes not here all the time and shes not my daughter no matter how much i try to act like shes my own.

I want to add that i have no problem with his daughter. Shes a great kid, i enjoy being around her, shes funny shes an amazing little girl. I have been in her life since she wasnt so little but i thought her just about everything she knows. From her abc's, to her colors, to her numbers, etc etc...the list never stops...

.her mother doesnt teacher her anything and just dropps her off wherever so she she can do whatever it is she does. Im not bad mouthing about her mom im telling the truth, she could be a little more motherly......

My hubby told me "treat her like shes your own".....but what the heck does that mean?

Idk what im even trying to ask or say but if his dughter is gonna be down 24/7 all year round thats fine but i want to have a kid too...i want to actually hear my own kid call me mommy instead of hearing "your not my mommy" it hurts...yea maybe im too sensitive but it really hurts my feeling hearing that....i mean whenever the baby is here she never askes to call her mom she never says she misses her mommy...ever (my hubby loves that part) but when i try to take pictures with her or do fun things she just says my mommy does that and walks away from me. I mean im not going to force her to do anything she doesnt want to do, i dont want her to think im trying to replace her mom cause im not but, honestly what is my role here? I hate being so freaking confused all the time. All i do is cry, and stress out and try doing the best at whatever i can buf it feel like it isnt good enough.....and on top of it all it feel like since my hubby had his daughter he wants to deprive me of what i want and that he knows hiw to do everything better than me....idk i just need a slap of reality because i feel like giving up and going to live back at home with my mom and be the loser that i am...

i have no friends, my hubbys family hates me, all his mother said to me while we were in r.i was how she wishes her son was with his b.m so the baby can have a good family and how i ruined everything for the baby, i love to work but have no job, i want to go to school but my hubby says he doesnt want to see me waste my time, nobody wants to teach me how to drive...idk i just feel like a complete failure at life. And it really hard sometimes because im always with the baby since my hubby works mon-sat 10a-6pm and sometimes all i feel like doing is crying but i dont want to cry in front of her. I just want something to go my way for once....idk man...i really dont know...if anybody has some advice for me please help cause i want to make my marriage last forever and stuff but right now im really close to just giving up even though i dont want to and i know my hubby doesnt want me to but he doesnt need me really......


View replies by

Ev - posted on 10/30/2014




I have to agree with Jodi. Its the child that is suffering the most with this back and forth bit.

Jodi - posted on 03/24/2014




OK, the first thing I am going to say here is about the child. It can't be good for her that she is getting shoved from one household to the other whenever the whim occurs to anyone that they have had enough. She needs some stability, and it seems to me like it isn't there. If the mother is the one who keeps making these choices and decides one minute she wants her there, next minute she doesn't, then you guys need to get some court ordered custody in place. This child doesn't need all the adults in her life to totally screw her up. This child is a sad, mixed up little girl.

You all sound very young. You haven't mentioned how old you are now, but it seems like you both need to sit down and actually discuss your feelings on this issue. If you want to go back to school, your husband needs to support you on this issue. If you want to learn how to drive, he should support you on this issue. Right now, as it stands, his attitude toward you is a form of emotional abuse (not an obvious form, but still emotional abuse). If he continues to take this stand about your needs, you can perhaps see a counsellor together to help the situation.

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