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Michele - posted on 10/27/2008 ( 18 moms have responded )

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I didn't find this community so decided to start it myself. I lost my husband Joe on July 26, 2007 to Pancreatic Cancer at age 30. I have a 3 year old boy. I wanted to network with other Moms who are in the same small boat as me. No pressure, just a place to vent, get ideas, listen and share.

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Jennifer - posted on 01/01/2009

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Hi Michele. I too was widowed with our only son being just 3 weeks old. I lost Jeff October 2005 and stayed in our house til last October, when I couldn't afford it and had my family over 800 miles away. I am now living with my parents and so grateful for that, but longing for my independence again. I always think I am ready to move forward, but the grief always reappears in unusual, unpredictable, and unwelcome places in my life for sure! We will never be free of it, but I am constantly learning to adapt to life with it.



Look forward to chatting more.

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Pati - posted on 01/15/2009

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Hi Michelle, and the rest of the ladies on here, I feel for all of you, there is much to share.  My daughters dad died 12/1/05, we were divorced in 01, and had just started being able to talk again and actually communicate about our daughter then he was gone. She has suffered more than I can imagine, there are still so many things in her life that she just always thought he would be there for and it is hard to say the least when those days come up. We will be affected by his not being here for the rest of our lives. I am tormented by his death and still wake up in the middle of the night. This is not how I ever imagined life, we were supposed to raise her together, and even after the divorce I believed we would find a way to do it together for her.  Right before the marriage ended, we lost both of my parents and his dad. His family has all but cut off contact with my daughter and me.  I have siblings but I’ve felt like I’m in this alone for along time.

Angie - posted on 01/14/2009

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When my husband died there were two things that two different widows told me that I live by today. The first was: It's ok to have pity parties, just make them short. The second: NEVER ask why. I live by the first when I am feeling sorry for myself. It always makes me feel better to shed a tear for what I have lost and how far I have come. The second I live by because I will never know the whys. Will knowing the whys help. I doubt it. My husband is gone and there is nothing in the world that will bring him back. I have never asked myself why I lost my husband. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Don't get me wrong, I loved my husband more than life and would have done anything in the world for him. To me the whys just make it all the harder to deal with everything. I give these two small pieces of advice in hopes that it will help someone else deal with the grief of losing their life partner.

Tobie - posted on 01/14/2009

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Teri, I am so sorry for all that you have been through. I don't know why God does what He does. Why it seems some have to suffer more than others. Please try & stay strong and know you have people praying for you!

Sasha - posted on 01/14/2009

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Hi I've just been reading through all the messages. Finally I've found a place with moms who understand what I'm going through and what my daughter is going through. I lost my husband after a cycling accident (he was hit by a truck). Our daughter was 11 months at the time. Today marks one year exactly since he died. We're doing okay, but there are always questions I have that are unique to being a widowed mom so it's nice to have a place to ask them.



sasha

Teri - posted on 01/14/2009

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I sometimes wonder why some are chosen to go through life with so may losses. My husband and I experienced the loss of our baby girl, Bethany, just a few years later, I lost my mother at the age of 58 to cancer, and then my father in law and then my Father all in a three year time span. I was able to get through all of those losses because we had each other and were able to help one another. Then my life fell apart when I recently lost him. I don't know how to go through this alone, I feel that all of my support is gone. I have three young children ages 14, 2,& 3 to raise alone. How do you go on without your life partner, we were married for 26 years and I realize that we has time together, but we had plans for our future and one of those was to raise our children together, some days are so difficult, I cannot even believe that I have gotten through another day. Life just seems so hard sometimes.

Tobie - posted on 01/13/2009

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My name is Tobie, I lost my husband Todd on Sept.17,2007. He was 38 yrs old & we had been together since I was 16. We were married for 14 yrs. & have 3 kids age 11, 9 & 6. He suffered from back pain for about 4 months,had surgery & was diagnosed with a very rare cancer.He died after spending 27 days in the hospital. It was a total shock to us all. Todd was also an only child.My family & I are very strong christians, but I struggle with why this happened to us. I am so glad to have found this site. It breaks my heart to read all these stories & to see so many young women.I just need to hear from someone who can understand what I'm going through..

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As I read through all of the postings I finally feel like maybe I am not alone in all of this struggle. I recently lost my husband, who was 27, to a brain tumor on October 21, 2008. It was an extremely short battle. He was diagnosed on August 27th and his first sympton ever was July 1st. I still don't think I have fully comprehended what has just gone on. I have a 9 month old son, Raider who has been so much of a blessing but at some times made everything harder. I am so happy to have found a place where there are other women who understand some of what I may be going through

Michele - posted on 11/09/2008

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Welcome Tricia and Melissa!! So sorry we had to meet like this but sometimes a stranger with a common cause can become a new friend.

Melissa- all I can say is HOLD ON. It will get easier to deal with I promise. I still break down and have inner tantrums but the "why me's" have gone away and the "now whats" have replaced them. Please know that you can add me as a friend or vent here and we will all try as hard as possible to be a source of strength and a place to vent for you.

Tricia- Welcome and I'm so sorry for you too. It's such a bizzare place to be. and I agree with you on the difference between losing a parent and losing your soul mate. I felt like my whole future was challenged because we had planned everything as a "we". I lost my Mom to stroke related to her diabetes in 1999 and it still hurts since I was only 25 at the time, but to lose my future, my soul mate, my best friend... that crushed my spirit and shattered my soul.

Please feel free to add me as a Friend if you want and I again apologize for not being on here everyday... but you all know the time manuevering we do!!!

Love and Joy and Peace in Your Hearts

Angie - posted on 11/09/2008

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Melissa- I am so sorry for the sudden loss of your husband. It has been over a year since my husband died. Somewhere along the way I realized that he was not coming home. But, to this day if I see a company truck, just for a split second, I still think it is him. I think that my 2 yr old little girl thinks he is still at work. It took my five year old the longest time to figure it out. He has always talk about his dad, but now with the help of a counselor, he is starting to talk about how he feels about it. Our oldest boys have done a lot of talking and thinking on their own. I know it is hard, but be strong for your children. They are the only ones that need you right now. If it is alright I am going to add you as a friend. I am here if you need someone to talk to. I know it is all new and everything is uncertain and scary. I along with everyone else in here know what you are going through. My thoughts are with you and your children.

Tricia - posted on 11/08/2008

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I can't imagine how hard it is to lose your husband so suddenly! My husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor, and had chemo and radiation even though we knew it was terminal and there was no hope. He died nearly two years later so I had time to prepare. But preparation is nearly impossible...even though I read about it and knew what was coming, there was no way to truly be prepared for his death. It was still devastating.
I did have time to adjust to his absence in our home since he spent the last 1.5 years in a hospice facility. I could not care for him at home since he was paralyzed on one side. He fell twice since he thought he could do more than he could (the brain tumor affected his judgment) and I could not pick him up off the floor by myself. It was so hard to move him out of our house, but he received awesome care at Respite House. I remember coming home after he died and thinking that although everything had changed, that I was still alone in the house with my kids as I had been for the past year and a half. It may have made the transition easier.
I think I was in a fog for a few months and then slowly put my life back together. I still cry sometimes and I still miss him and it's been nearly three years now.
Ask for help from your friends and family. Many people won't know what to do or what you need.
When talking about my husband's death with others, sometimes people would say they understood what I was going through since they had lost their mother (or father.) I don't think it's the same at all - the intensity of losing a spouse is so much greater than losing a parent. My mother died 8 months after my husband died, and it was not nearly as intense. But then, I was still grieving for my husband.
I wish you well and hope you find the support you need right now in your community.

Melissa - posted on 11/08/2008

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I just lost my husband unexpectedly on Oct 25, 2008, I have been a stay at home mom for 5 years, I have 3 kids 8, 6, 2. Things seem so surreal, how long until it hits you that your husband really isn't coming home??

Tricia - posted on 11/08/2008

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It's great to find this group! I just learned of Circle of Moms today and my children are certainly the focus of my life. My 46 year old husband died of a brain tumor 3 years ago and I know very few mothers who have lost a partner through death. I'm now working full time after being an at-home mother and my work/life balance is so out of whack. I have a daughter who just graduated from college, and three boys still at home with the youngest now 11.

Michele - posted on 10/31/2008

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Thanks To All!! thanks to everyone who joined and posted. It's a real relief to know there are other Moms out there who have gone through this devastating life change and also to not feel so alone. Some of us are relatively new to the "widowhood" and some have been at it a bit longer. Please feel free to vent, share and get to know one another. Thanks again for joining.

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Hi Michele,
I am sorry for the loss of your husband and your sweet boy's father. I lost my husband, Jason in a car accident July 6, 2005 when I was 4 months pregnant. It was devastating, but in 3 years I have learned to start living again. Thanks for starting this group - I look forward to meeting more women that have been refined by the fire of grief.
Andrea

Angie - posted on 10/28/2008

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Sorry to hear about your husband. I'm sure it was hard to watch. I lost my husband, Jason, on July 9, 2007, in a automobile accident. We have four children ranging in age from 2 to 12. I think that it is great that you started this. I think that it will be a great place for making friends and finding support from others going through the same thing. Thank you for starting it.

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