what will they remember?

Holly - posted on 01/30/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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one of my biggest fears is that because my daughters were so young when their dad died (5 months), they will be so used to not having him around that they won't ask me questions or want to know about him. to them, eric does not exist in any memory. they will see his pictures, as they are all over the house, and have video of him with them, but he is someone that really, they don't know.



does anyone have experience with this? do your children ask about their dad, even if they really don't remember him? i am afraid that one day they will be so tired of me talking about him, and that makes me so sad about the future. even if i do find someone else, i will always keep him alive in my heart, and i don't think that's too much to be expected.

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Julie - posted on 02/25/2009

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I have a lot of experience with this.  My husband died and my kids were 6 3 18 mos. and I was pregnant with my 4th.  My oldest is really the only one with memories.  the second has a handful of memories.  My 2 little ones are now 6 and 4.  They talk about their dad every day and ask questions about him all the time.  one day one of them said "shouldnt we be learning about daddy right now"  They know they need to learn about him instead of remembering him.  They love him dearly and I am remarried.  He is very much alive in our house in our memories and in our hearts.   No one is getting tired of hearing/talking about him...not even my new husband!  Good luck!

Pati - posted on 02/03/2009

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My daughter was 14 so I cant help there, however, as a child, my mother talked about her mom who had passed before I was born, and I always carried this special feeling in my heart for this grandmother that I never knew. We went through pictures and she told stories ALL the time.   Your children though very young spent time with their daddy and I believe they will grow up to have a special place in their heart for him. They will not tire of stories of him, but will have a sense of who he was and what they meant to him. 



I will never stop telling stories to Hailey about her dad, even though she may have heard them before, memories shared is how we live on in others when out time here is done.



 

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Stephanie - posted on 03/08/2009

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my daughter was 14months old when my husband died. she is 7 now. i, too, cried when i talked with her about him. it took some work to get to a point of not crying everytime, and i still choke back the tears, & sometimes they fall out anyway. none of this is easy.

Cathy - posted on 03/08/2009

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I am very thankful for this thread. My husband died last summer and our daughter was only 3 months old. Greg had a heart attack in his sleep. I don't have many pictures of the two of them since she was so young. I worry about her not knowing her dad and wonder what feelings of loss she might experience. Anna just turned 1 last weekend and I know I need to make some kid friendly photobooks of him for her to get used to looking at him. I tell her every night when I put her to bed that daddy loves her, but other than that, I am at a loss as to how to handle things. I can't usually mention him (to her) without crying because I know how much she meant to him.

Julie - posted on 02/23/2009

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I just read where somone made a scrap book i also mad one for each of my children. There were pictures of just them and their dad. I also used cards from the funeral and special sayings like (just me and my Dad) (butterfly kisses) i pit lots of angles and clouds i even have a cool sun set with a pic of him standing by the water it really mad it look like he was in heaven. maybe your daughters would like this because it would be there own. also it was good healing for me as well

Julie - posted on 02/23/2009

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my youngest was just 3 when david died her older sister and brother were 7 and 9. They do have memories and will talk about them . she has expressed that its not fare because they remember and she dosnt. The only ones she has are the stories we tell. i would say to keep telling them stories they wont get tired of it. we also still include david in our bed time prayers at night we god bless him as well as all of us. hope this helps julie ps its been 5 years now and we still tell stories all the time relitives do as well and the kids love hearing them

Stephanie - posted on 02/05/2009

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i know what you mean. yesterday i was missing richie so much and i looked in the backseat and katie was sitting there not having any idea about how much i was missing her dad. and she is only 7yo & too young for me to burden her with my sadness. but you're right she wont love him or miss him like i do. but she does miss him in other ways and i have to make that distinction and try to deal with it, not having a handbook on the subject. the other day a letter came in the mail addressed to him and she asked who is "richard A. green" and i said that was papa. and this made me sad. she knows his name but for one minute she forgot. ..............tears........

Holly - posted on 02/05/2009

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thank you all for your help. i know at some point they will be interested in their dad, i just am afraid they won't love him like i do. but i can't expect them to. all in all, i just wish he was here, i miss him so much it is unbearable at times.

Stephanie - posted on 02/04/2009

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my daughter was 14months old when my husband died. i have pictures of her and him but when she looks at them she sees a man and a baby and not herself. i tell her about him, the catch phrases he used, the funny things he said or did, what he did for work, anything that i can think of, and she will ask me to tell her more, sometimes out of the blue. but i make sure just to answer her questions and not to go on and on and over load her. we have alot of time, and i have alot of memories. when he first died i feared forgetting these things about him, so i would write them down. but i am happily amazed at what i do remember even after 6years. my daughter conitnues interested in knowing about her father. it is good to tell them about their father.

Jesi - posted on 02/04/2009

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my son was six months when my husband passed so i think about the exact same things as you. he is 2 years old now and i am struggling more and more with it.   i always feel when i talk about him that there is a sad vibe about it, even when its a happy memory, just for the fact that hes not here anymore. im afraid of focusing too much on the past and the negativity of the loss but also afraid he wont know enough about his dad.  i want to find a good balance.



ill let you know if i ever find it.

Teri - posted on 02/01/2009

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My youngest children were 1 & 2 when my husband passed away, and I too worried so much about being able to have him remembered and included in their lives. We do include the little ones in our conversations about their father, we have scrap books with plastic covering over them that they can look thru whenever they want and also have many pictures. I try to remember for them to have a balloon or flower for special days when we leave things at the cemetary and also to let them just run around "Daddy's special place" when I need time to be there. We include them in the funny things we remember and hold them when we cry. I don''t know if I am doing it right, just the best way I know how. They are so deprived not to have had him in their lives like my older children did. I just hope that I can do as good a job alone as we did together. Take care of yourself.

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