Bad Mom for working???

[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )

Recently at a family gathering, I got into the conversation with a group of my husband's relatives about me working outside of the home and my husband being the one who stays at home with our 5 month old son. I received A LOT of static about it, especially from the older women. Has anyone had to defend their family's decision to another family member? How did you handle it?


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Stephanie - posted on 03/14/2010




For me and my husband, we actually get a lot of approval and "Good for You!!" from my family, because they're more open-minded. From his family, which is more old-fashioned, he's gotten a bit more grief about it, mainly from his parents. His father is just disappointed that my husband doesn't want to follow in the family business anymore (Barbers). When our baby girl is old enough to start preschool, then he will go back to school for something he loves. As for why we chose this, I was actually a SAHM at first, for her first 4 months of life. Then my husband's hours got cut at work, the benefits were crappy, and I got offered a much better deal. I make a lot more $ than he was, better benefits, better job stability, etc. It has allowed us to move into a bigger nicer place, and all the while I know when I'm at work that my daughter is safe and happy with her Daddy/Teacher/Caregiver...etc. AND he keeps up with a lot of the housework and laundry too! I'm SO lucky! (Oh, and childcare was never an option with us, you can't trust anyone nowadays with your precious babies)

Kristin - posted on 01/09/2010




I haven't received a lot of grief about it, but on a few occasions I get that "look" or a few comments like, "OH, so YOU work, and your husband stays home. I hear that happens sometimes....". Usually I just say that we discussed it before the baby was born and this was the best decision for us. I don't feel I need to say a whole lot more than that, because really who's business is it? I agree with Thora, I never want to say that it's because I make the most money and it was financially more reasonable, and sort of put him down in that matter. I really love my daughter, but I am a much more high-energy person and would probably go crazy at home all day long, and I really NEED to work, and he does great with our daughter, and is great at taking care of the home duties. But I don't need to explain that to anyone. But my responses are a lot like Thora's below- that we decided this ahead of time, and it's just what we both enjoy and what works best for us!

Thora - posted on 12/14/2009




Yeah. We don't get static, per se, but it is obvious that they don't approve or they think it's because he is "lazy" or "a slacker". We just say it's a decision we both came to. I think it also helps when I say that I love it this way. I try to stay away from the whole "because I can make more money than him" because that adds to the general feeling they imagine that he "can't provide" for his family. I say (and it's true) that he has so much more patience than I do and he actually takes care of the whole household, which I know that I would not do. It seems to help ease that judgmental air when they know that we both like it this way.

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