A Real issue from a working mom.

[deleted account] ( 4 moms have responded )

I seem to be one of many women who make more than their husband and my issue is of how I still seem to be doing all of the same work at home as well. My husband is in denile that working everyday for no money is not an actual job and responibility. He even takes the girls, 2 & 3, to his parents house where his sisters and brothers, as young as 13, are watching them instead of him. Then I get them at home, after I have worked all day, and they are extremely out of wack. Becaue he doesn't actually make money I can't justify daycare. I am sooo stressed out and I am starting to give up on our relationship. I restent anything that he doesn't do. We need counciling but of course can't afford that either. And of course he wants sex all the time. Anyone going through the same thing?

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Jode - posted on 08/16/2009

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Similar problems in my house with a few differences. I work full time all week long while my husband is currently home with an 11 and 16 yr old. I thought it would make life a bit easier on me with him being home, not so much. He usually drives over the road for weeks on end and I single parent, but for the past yr he has been out of work. Instead of coming home to a clean home and happy kids -I walk into a cyclone everyday. I keep praying things will change. I found that bitching doesn't help, neither does crying. Instead I come home clean what I can, fix dinner and spend a bit of time with the boys and then I make it clear that I am WIPED OUT and go directly to bed -ALONE. let me know how things continue to go for you. Just make sure to take time for yourself even if it's 10 minutes a day. I know my kids are older but that only brings different problems.

Candy - posted on 08/08/2009

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My husband and I have a 6 year old daughter and our second is due in Oct. I work full time at a fairly stressful job. My husband has always worked until this May, he was injured and is unable to return to work. We have decided that he will remain home and for the most part be the primary care taker of our kids and hopefully will be able to go back to school to learn to do another job later, since he will never be able to do what he did again. However, he does not get the concept of being a stay at home parent, i am trying to point things out with out being overly critical as he gets kinda defensive. But i completely understand your feelings, i am exhausted and cannot do as much as i normally do nor do i feel as if i should have to. On the weekends it sometimes comes down to i explode and start giving orders, may not be the best way, but i have found that making a list and explaining to him what is most important does work somewhat. but i have to remember that men do not think the same as we do --i'd compare them more to one of the kids that you have to give specific instructions to and be stern.

Good Luck, i hope everything works out positively.

Ellie - posted on 08/08/2009

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I'm not going through it any more... Only because, sadly to say-- my oldest sons father was the same way. He didn't have a job- but yet, he wasn't helping with anything else, either. I work nights as a server/bartender, and have ever since before having kids...
So I would do everything in the day with the baby, and his PARENTS would take care of the baby at night while I was at work. [We were young parents.] He would be there, but I know his mom did all the work. I couldn't take it any more and moved back into my moms with the baby. I put the father on a schedule of when he had the baby-- Every time I worked, and every other weekend. NO acceptations! We never went though the child support debate, so he doesn't pay me anything to this day [4 years later] But it was a threat in which he didn't want to suffer the consequences. But we have remained on a schedule and he's stepped up a lot more without having a choice. I talked to his parents to make sure that, even though they would be there with him while the baby was there, not to do the work, to make him take care of his son... and it worked! He has now been living in his own apartment for over a year-- [after seeing my new husband and I move in together]
Sorry if it's not the route you want to take and it didn't help, but just sharing my experience.

Lori - posted on 08/07/2009

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Sorry I have no personal advise to offer, but I wanted to let you know that there is a new group that just started for working moms with stay at home dads that you might find helpful. I saw the thread here on this site so it should be easy for you to find.. Hope you find the answers and support you need. Hang in there.

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