age gaps?

Casey - posted on 05/29/2010 ( 93 moms have responded )

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My husband and i have a 10month old daughter... were thinking about having a 2nd child... my husband has a 6 yr age gap between him and his siblings while i have a 15mth gap... whats a good gap?

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Lisa - posted on 05/30/2010

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I agree with the crowd. I think the best age gap is whatever fits your life style and you are comfortable with. My children are 27, 20, 16, 4 and 18 months. Here are a few pros and cons I learned from my experience.
Pro: I never had 2 in diapers at the same time!
Con: I’m still buying diapers after 27 years!
Pro: The elder children can help out a little by heating a bottle or bringing you a diaper.
Con: Don’t expect your older children to want to babysit, even when you offer to pay them.
Pro: Daycare is more affordable if you wait to have another baby until the elder child is in school.
Con: Having children in different schools can be a logistical nightmare, especially when they all have different after-school activities.
Pro: You can have more one-on-one time with a new baby if you wait until your preceding child becomes more independent.
Con: The older child(ren) will often experience a little jealousy when the new baby comes along because they are accustomed to a lot of your attention.
Pro: Having broad age gaps between children allow you to handle one developmental stage at a time (per child), i.e. biting, tantrums, puberty, driving, relationships, college, and marriage. This has been a blessing financially. I have a sister-in-law with twins. She has to add 2 boys to her car insurance next year! Locally, there is a father putting his triplets through college. The cost is about $100,000 per year!
Con: Having wide age gaps between children can make you feel like you are starting all over again from scratch with each baby. Recently, my grandmother asked me if I realized how many more years of parenting responsibilities I have ahead of me. I just smiled at her. God Bless and Good Night!

Malou - posted on 06/04/2010

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Based on observation, siblings with 2-3 year gaps have better relationship with each other than those with longer gaps... :)

Keturah - posted on 06/03/2010

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I don`t know if this will help but I have two kids and there is a ten year age gap between them. One is 14 the other is 4 they adore each other and my husband and I adore them. There is no good or bad gap it`s when you and your husband are ready.

Anita - posted on 06/02/2010

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My two are 10 months apart. My son is 22 months old and my daughter is 12 months old.
My son was 10months old when my daughter was born.
It is very HARD. It is only starting to get easier now. I would say to have your next child when the first one has finished potty training etc. Ideally 5 years in between would be easier. Just because you have your children close together in age doesn't mean they will be the best of friends, they actually fight more if you aske me.

Kimberly - posted on 05/31/2010

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My kids are 20, 16 and 10. I liked the fact that there was a larger gap in between them. Each child got a lot of individual attention, never more than one child in diapers at a time and they were all in different schools. They, also, were able to develop their own personalities without having to compete with each other

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Deborah - posted on 06/15/2010

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my brother and i are 2 years apart and we got along nicely and as adults now we are still fairly close as for my children i have a 17 year old a 13 year old and have now remarried and have a 3 year old and it works in my house so i think are gaps don't really have much effect it is how you treat the gap

Latrese - posted on 06/14/2010

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I think it depends on the family. My older brother and I are 18 mos apart, and my younger brother and I are 3 yrs. apart, but we have a baby sister that is 10 years younger then my younger brother. For the most part we all have a great relationship. My boys are 7 years apart and my oldest son Elijah adores my baby Ethan, and he is such a big help. I think it may be easier if they are closer in age, that way once your done raising kids your done....LOL...I sometimes ask my mom what she was thinking have another baby 10 years after my younger brother, but know that we are all grow it doesn't really matter.

Diana - posted on 06/13/2010

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I have a 14 year old and a 4 year old-a 10 year GAP! They are really good together! He's too young to work still here in this state, so we let her watch his sister for money. We ask him first if he is okay doing it, and if he's not, then we don't go. If he's okay with it, then we go somewhere, not far, just down the street, but it gives them a chance to get to know each other better and play together! He has some spending money to feel more independent and they get a long so much better now. It's nice seeing them play together, but it did take him some time to get used to the idea of not being an only child. His Dad spends time with the 4 year old to help me out because I work from home. He has his own interests and friends, but trying to stay connected by getting him in guitar. I'd like to add swiimming a couple days a week to the mix as well as physical exertion is so crucial for teenagers!

Dalia - posted on 06/13/2010

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it really depends on what you can handle. My sons are 18 mths apart, and for the most part I raised them alone as my ex-husband was military, It was hard at times but I am glad they were close in age and even now as adults ages 25 and 27. Where my daughter is 19, and she adores her brothers but I would of had her closer if I had known I was having a third. I would say 2 yrs. apart would be good, but it also depends on you.

Suzanne - posted on 06/13/2010

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My children are 4 years apart, not planned that way, but we started trying again after 6 months and it took a lot longer than expected. I say any gap is good and it could take a lot longer than planned

Gretta - posted on 06/13/2010

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all my kids are 4yrs apart and i am glad it is totally up to you and ur family only u know if it is time to have another child i believe personally that each 1 of mine need to be the baby for a while and it worked for me they are very close and loving i hope u are not listing to other people tell u that they should be no more then 2 yrs apart not true listen to ur self and take cues from ur first child only u ur fam and god knows when it is time

Gretta - posted on 06/13/2010

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so whats the problum have a kid me and my brother have a 2yr age gap and me and the twins have a 21yr age gap so the question is can u handle another kid and did ur first one spend enough time with u and ur husband to get quality time with both of u and is she ready for another sis or brother

Christine - posted on 06/13/2010

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I don't really know if there is a right or wrong gap between children. My sons are six and a half years apart and although we didn't plan it this way I enjoy it like this. I found that when I had my youngest now 5 that my oldest was already starting to show some independence and didn't quite need me as much. This made it easier for me to spend quality time with his brother while he was at school and then I could do the same for him at night while his brother was sleeping etc. Now that they are older there is at time conflict but for the most part they get along well with each other.

Sherry - posted on 06/11/2010

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It's all up to personal preference. For me that was for my two kids to be almost 2 years apart. DD 4/10/08 & DS 4/22/10. If we decide to go for a 3rd child we will try for about 2 years apart from DS.

However, they did do a study and the best gap for your body is 18 to 24 months between pregnancies per a study published in the April 2006 Journal of the American Medical Association.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,192350,00.html
http://healthmad.com/women/how-long-shou...

Rachel - posted on 06/11/2010

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I've talked to a lot of parents on this. Anything more than 4 or 5 years apart and the kids usually aren't very close growing up. Closer than 2 years usually ends up with feelings of competitiveness and increased fighting.

I am 5 and 6.5 yrs apart from my younger siblings. We weren't close growing up, but have grown closer after they hit their 20's and matured a bit more. :) My two little sisters were just 18 months apart and were good friends when they were little, but very competitive and fought a lot as they got older.

Personally, we are planning our children in 2 sets of 2, each 2-3 years apart. We are preggo w/ #2 now (due any day) and our oldest just turned 3. We are planning on waiting 2-4 years for #3 and then want to have #4 another 2 years after that. This way all the kids are fairly close together in age, but far enough apart to where they are less likely to feel competitive with each other. And, it also means our oldest will be old enough to be helpful around the house and with his youngest siblings.

Hope that helps!

Lucy - posted on 06/11/2010

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Provided all goes well with this pregnancy, we will have 2 children 22 months apart and then be done. We decided 2 was our number before we got married (we each come from families of 3 children). It is important to me do be done having children due to some health conserns I need to address and can't until I am finished with breastfeeding. Also, both my husband and I are much closer to our siblings that we are closer in age to (I have a brother 18 months older than me and a brother 3 years younger than me) so we felt that we are giving our kids the best opportunity to be close, although personalities will play in too. That all being said, chasing my 15 month old and being pregnant is intense and the first 1-2 years of baby + toddler will be hard work. We feel the work is worth it for our circumstances, but you have to do what is best for your family and your sanity. There is no magic number. If I were you I would sit down with your husband and look at the pros and cons - family dynamic, parental preferences, expences, and more should be considered to make the best fit for your family.

Good luck with your decision!!

Bridgette - posted on 06/11/2010

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It's really not a good age gap.. My sister and I are 3 years apart and we hated each other until she went off to college. She has 2 sons and it is a 7 year gap between them and they hate each other. They get along now becouse the oldest is 21 and he has learned somethings. I have 5 kids and they are all 2 years apart and because it has always been t\ all 5 of them with just me, they get along great!!!

Leila - posted on 06/11/2010

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Hi there,im expecting my second in August, my daughter is 4, i put off having another child after a somewhat turbulant pregnancy however i always thought my second would arrive 2 or so years after! Honestly i think as long as all children grow up in a loving family enviroment and they know that the are loved everything else like age issues will fall accordingly into place. Leila

Tiffany - posted on 06/11/2010

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I recently read that 2 years is the going span to have between them. One of the the main reason was that you can have family vacations sooner...lol. I do think it is a personal choice!
I was the youngest of 3 and there was 5 1.2 years between each of us. Growing up this way stunk!! My sister and I fought all the time(though we are friends now) My brother(the oldest) and I would gang up on our sister. Again now we are all grown we get along great!
My sister's kids are just under 12 months apart!!! She said that it was rough in the beginning, but now she loves it! They are now 7 & 8years old. They are both in school and she now can appreciate what she went through in the first years!

Katrina - posted on 06/11/2010

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my sister and i are 8yrs apart and we couldnt be closer. i also have those memories of changing her diaper and taking care of her as a child. now i get to see her grow into a beautiful young lady. she is 21yrs old now.

Laura - posted on 06/11/2010

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I have 3 girls and they are all 7 years apart (not done on purpose just happened that way) and I love the age gap because while my first one now 14 was at school I had one on one time with my now 7year old daughter and when my oldest one got home my husband got home he he wanted some baby time so he would take the baby and I would spend time with my oldest one. And now we have a 7 week old and it still works out really good, not saying that the 7 year gap is the number you want but when they start school is a great time. It also works because then your older children don't feel robbed of there mommy time and they feel excited to help with the new baby when they get home and when ever they did something with the baby I would take one picture and then when they went to school the next day they had something to talk about.

Katrina - posted on 06/11/2010

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i think what ever u think you can handle. if you think you can handle two babies at a time then more power to you. i have 2 kids, my son 10yrs old and my daughter 2yrs old. it is a big gap but he is so much help with his sister. i wouldnt want it any other way.

Michele - posted on 06/11/2010

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My children have 16mo. between them as a mother I loved it.My childrn are now teens and its great they like doing the same things.I am the baby of the family my siblings are 6 and 8 years older and I don't remember having anyone to play with as a child. So to anwser you I would say 2-3 year gap

Lynette - posted on 06/10/2010

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I think you and your husband need to do what is right for yall, there is no right age gap !!!! My brother and I are 10 years apart, then i have a sister in law who is pregnant with her 2nd baby and her kids with almost be 3 yrs apart..... Everybody has there own time when they are ready or not for their next one =) !!!!! Good Luck !

Erica - posted on 06/10/2010

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My two boys are 2 1/2 years apart and that seemed to be a good age gap for me. That meant that one was potty trained and I only have to worry about diapers for one. It also helps to because the older one gets for the younger one if mom and dad are busy.

Stacey - posted on 06/10/2010

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It's up to you really. Everyone has their own preferance. I have 3 1/2 years between on and 4 years between the other. I know of others that there is only 18 months between kids. Alot would also depend on your age as well. I was young when I started so when our youngest has left home I will be just in my 40s.

Colleen - posted on 06/10/2010

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My children are two years almost to the day apart. And it is great. Like I have read, two years is a good gap because to a 2yr old when the new baby comes they feel like they have always been there, once the child gets older, they will then notice more that it's not all about them, and they have to now share the spot light. I'm glad that it has held true for us, but you have to know what works in your own family.

Michelle - posted on 06/10/2010

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As I read over the replies I agree with most- its up to the individual family. I have 5 kids: 25,24,20,10 and 9. Having them close together *is* tough sometimes , but so is the 10 yr separation. I can honestly say tho that all of my children get along. Thats not to say they never fight LOL but the older ones truly look out for the younger ones and still spend time when they can get together. The key is Love, pure and simple.

Jc - posted on 06/10/2010

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I have a 9.5 year age gap with my kids. And have been recently thinking about having another one. Which would mean another 9 year gap and an 18 year gap! LOL I feel that a good gap is about 4 years. But my body just did agree with me! LOL

Theresa - posted on 06/10/2010

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I think it all depends on you and your situation. There is a 10 year gap between my children. It's difficult sometimes because of having to figure out do I take the baby to some of the oldest activities but other than that it's great. The oldest is a big help but he does get jealous and I take him out for Mommy and me time. My siblings and I are 6 years (oldest), 5 years (younger) and 9 years (youngest) apart. My mom wanted us to all have our "lap time". We get along great. We fought as children do. We each had our own individual friends and collective friends.

Diana - posted on 06/09/2010

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my 2 are 2yrs and 3 months which I love and all of my Brothers and sisters (4) are all about the same 2 years...Now I love the 2 I have Boy and a girl...not 100% sure I am done but not ready to get prego again however if I want to keep the same spacing I need to. UGH so not ready

Carmen - posted on 06/09/2010

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i have a sister that is 17 and i am 31 i think its nice because we have so much fun together and we dont fight however my children are 2 years and 3 days apart and all they do is fight and argue with me and each other i wish i would have spaced them out a little more and maybe there would be more 1 on 1 time with each of them!

LATERIAL - posted on 06/09/2010

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SOMETIMES IT'S GOOD TO WAIT A COUPLE OF YEARS. UNLIKE MYSELF, YOU DON'T WANT TO WAIT 12 YEARS.. I HAVE A 3yr OLD and A 15yr OLD, WHICH WAS NOT A PLAN. I THINK IT'S ITS GOOD TO HAVE YOUR KIDS GROW UP TOGETHER. (START WHEN THE BABY MAKES 2YRS.)

Nadine Abd - posted on 06/09/2010

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I have a 1 year and 1 month daughter,,but from my point of view the gap between our children not make a difference,you know why?becasue the importance raising the child in a good manner in a way to love each other and be close to each other.on the other hand i'd like to have the 2nd child to raise them together

Jennifer - posted on 06/09/2010

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A good gap is what you think is a good one. What fits you and your family. I loved growing up with My brothers and sisters so close. I was Born in June, My 1st brother that next august, 2nd brother in the next august, my 3rd brother the next october, my sister the next october. I love having them so close to me we had the same friends and hung out with eachother. I want to add to our family soon becasue I want my son to have a close siblings.

Lisa - posted on 06/09/2010

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My children have a 2 year gap, they are very close and very good friends. What I did find hard was having them both at home as my youngest did not sleep very well at all and I had to keep awake for my eldest. Where as if one is in school you do get a break. It is definatly your decision and now I am glad that the gap was quite close.

[deleted account]

Every family is different, Casey, so nobody can really decide except the two of you. In my family, I'm the middle child of 5, with the oldest being 5 yrs older, the next one 2 yrs older, then me, then 4 years to the next one and a little over 5 years to the 'baby'. In my husband's family, he's the middle child with one 2 years older and one 2 years younger. Our kids (although one is from my first marriage) are 12 years apart. So we're all over the map. The one thing to remember, if it matters of course, is that your body 'forgets' what it's supposed to do when it's pregnant after a 7-year gap (more than one doctor told me so). For me that meant that both my pregnancies were almost identical in term, size of baby, and delivery duration.

Pamela - posted on 06/08/2010

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well am going through the same situation now with my boy being 6yrs old and wanting to have a sibling desperately. I wish i could have had a baby sooner but things dont work according to "plan" sometimes. However, i do feel that a 4-5yrs gap is ideal but not perfect because you give each child enough personal time.

Gabby - posted on 06/08/2010

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I don't think there really is a good age gap it all depends on if you're ready to add on to the family & how financially prepared you are. My 3 kids each have a 4 year gap between them & we'd like to add another soon.

Charlene - posted on 06/08/2010

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My brother and I have a 9 yr age gap and r not very close at all. I have a 7yr old in July, 4 yr old, 21month old, and am 15wks prego. They were not planned that way, but I love the 2 and a half yr age gap. Think it's perfect. they are so far very close :)

Dianne M. - posted on 06/08/2010

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Hi!
My kids were 7 years apart - not by choice, though. My first marriage ended when my son was a year old, and I didn't remarry for a while. They do have a good relationship, but I kinda wish they'd been closer together in age. My husband's family is spaced out differently - there are 7 of them, averaging 2 - 4 years apart. It's a big family, but because of the limited age difference, they are all quite close.

[deleted account]

What a good question! I have loved reading the answers and how different people have differing opinions on the age gap subject.
I am one of 4 and there is 12years, 8years and 2 years age gap between us and I would say I was closest to the one who is 8 years my senior.
I have two children and their is 15 months between them; aged 1 and 2. They absolutely adore each other .... for now, ha ha.
I am also planning another ... if nature will allow.
So I think the best piece of advice is ..... do what is best for you and your husband. Good luck xxx

Denise - posted on 06/08/2010

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sometimes the bigger age gap is easier for everyone the gap really does not matter i have four children oldest 20 then 11 then 8 and a 7 month old the middle two do much more arguing then the others

Judy - posted on 06/07/2010

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I have a 20 year old daughter and a 3 year old daughter. The age gap wasn't planned. I was a single mom with the first one and got married at age 35 and 3 years later we had our daughter. I also have a 8 month old granddaughter. Yes, its a big gap, but at 41, I feel young keeping up with the 3 year old. I was only 21 with my first, and I grew up with her. We are very close.

Maricel - posted on 06/07/2010

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i have a 4yo girl, but no plans of having another baby right coz of our busy sked, well its up to you...

Young - posted on 06/07/2010

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Depends on your work status I guess If you can handle 2 in diaper & 12 feedings a day 12 diaper changes not counting chasing after your 21 mos old when your 7 mos trying to crawl..haha! Even though I like bringing up two together it is tuffy sometimes if you stay home & work from home.. what is your work status?

Sharon - posted on 06/07/2010

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We have 14, 10, 4 & 1 year olds. I like the gap between each, but the less the gap, the harder it is.

Vanessa - posted on 06/07/2010

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Just remember that if your daughter is still so young you will basically have 2 babies in the house. will you be able to cope? My kids are 2 years apart and it is sometimes very hectic in our house cause basically they are both still babies I would have liked a five year difference then the first child can do somethings for himself but my little baby didn't want to wait!!!

[deleted account]

really doesn't matter my family were a year apart except the twins and my 5 children. my 1st and 2nd are 13 mth apart and between her and the 3rd is 2yrs and between him and the 4th is 2yrs and between her and 5th are 7yrs. so it really doesn't matter. my spouse and sister in law are a year apart and between him and i are 13yrs apart. i think its when ever you and your spouse are ready for another addition.

Cherie - posted on 06/05/2010

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My children are aged 19, 15, 12 then 3. The age gaps vary and the effects are also varied. My eldest is dominating over his younger brothers but so soft and generous to his baby sister(3). My 15 and 12 yr old boys get along well with each other and also fuss over their baby sister too. As each baby came along, I found it really helpful that the older child was not only helpful but also more inclined to understand all the changes that happen when a new baby arrives! Hope this helps!! Good luck!!

MASHANDA - posted on 06/05/2010

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w]Well my brother and myself are 10 months apart, everyone thought we were twins growing up because we were the same age for 2 months. My daughter was a twin, I lost the other one. She's almost 5 now and I want another one. by the time I do have another one and that child Is old enough to play, my daughter will want nothing to do with him/her because she will be too old.

Alecia - posted on 06/05/2010

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I say wait at least till the youngest child is in Kindergarten that way they have all the time they need to be the baby...

Kianna - posted on 06/05/2010

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I want to say that having a gap can be a great thing.... I have a constant sitter. I have a 15 year old who is turning 16, and an 11 year old turning 12, and a 4 year old turning 5. With new baby on the way Im just darn lucky I will get the children to assist in watching, changing diapers, and allowing me to get things done while they play, snuggle and koddle baby. :)

I cant imagine how my girlfriends function with young children close to the same age. I commend them for dealing with toddlers at the same age or very close and having more than 1 todller I have no idea what or how I would even have the patience.... lol.

I think its totally up to you feel things out when you bond with your child you will just know and feel when its right to have your next. I wish you so much luck on this. Have a great day!

Holly - posted on 06/05/2010

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It depends on what you want. My brother and I were 4 years apart. We were not as close as kids but are very close now. Being 4 years apart we were each able to do a bit more of our own thing and get more individual attention from our parents.
My 2 are a year apart (not by choice) they are closer because their lives are more interwoven BUT that means they fight LOTS because they are together so much. We try and give them their own things but its much harder.
It is easier sometimes as a parent, same school, same bedtime...............

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