Arno turned 5, and still wants me to lay with him until he sleeps. ?

Anneline - posted on 08/26/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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Arno for about a year I just put him to bed and he would go to sleep for the last 3 months we back to square 1, where I have to lay by him until he falls asleep. we have moved recentley not sure if that is maby the reason, I have to try and get him back in his routine, but realy are struggling, yes I am one of those mothers who get manupilated easly and feel sooo sorry for him, single mother...

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Cindy - posted on 09/23/2009

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I have a chair in my childrens room and what we do before bed is we read and sing. Sometimes when my they're still scared we sing with the lights off. It was hard at first but now they're out like a light in 15 minutes and it helps me relax too.

Alison - posted on 09/23/2009

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My mom laid with us for many years. I see it as an opportune bonding time. Dr. Sears is all for it. If it really doesn't work for you, you can break the habit, but I don't think that you should feel guilty about it.



Specialists often claim that this will lead to sleep issues later in life, but I think it is bunk. My mom always rocked us to sleep and slept with us and I am a Top Notch Sleeper;) You want to raise a secure kid, and that is what you are doing!

Stacey - posted on 09/22/2009

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I agree with the co-sleepers. I'm a single mom of a 12 year old son, he'll be 13 next month. He still wants some Mom time at the end of the day, and I still do lay down on his bed with him and have "our time". We have great communication, but sometimes I think he offers up more details when we're laying there talking, since he seems to be a lot more comfortable. I know there will come a day when he doesn't want this, and so I just cherish the moments we do have like this while they're still happening.

Shauna - posted on 08/29/2009

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I'm of the opinion that cosleeping with your children is a great way for them to become secure and independent. When I was a child, I always knew I could go sleep in my parent's bed, and that security helped me to fall asleep at home.

Children have a really difficult time with big changes, especially a move. My guess is that he just needs you there with him. If you would like, do your best to make the room comfortable and conducive to sleep. Let him pick a "special friend" stuffed animal to take to sleep with him. Get a nice little night time routine together so that he knows what to expect. And every night before you leave, ask him if he would like you to stay for awhile. If you make it his choice, it lets him know that you are there for him. Within a short while, he will probably be fine with sleeping on his own.

Studies have shown that the more you allow your children to be just as needy as they need to be while supporting them, that they tend to end up more well-adjusted because their development is being supported and not rushed or slowed down too much.

Just my two cents, though. Good luck! :)

Kathleen - posted on 08/29/2009

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My son is 5 and if he wants to sleep with us on certain nights it is fine. There are other nights he wants to sleep in his own bed. Don't worry he may just be getting used to a new environment and like dawn said enjoy it while it lasts because it wont last .

Tricia - posted on 08/29/2009

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I totally understand where you are comming from. I have two children one is 6 and the other is 3. My three year old still comes into bed with me and my husband in the middle of the night. It most likely is because you have just moved and it is going to take some time for him to adjust. Now this is going to sound cruel and it is hard to do, but this is what we had to do with both of our kids and it worked. We turned the lock around on the door so that it locked from the outside and we would lock them in. We would set the timer for 15 minutes and most of the time they would be out be the time time counter got to 10 minutes. But if they were still crying hard at 15 we would go in and reassure them. I know it sounds bad, but it is what works for use anyway. After a week of that they went in there by themselves. Now they they are older we don't have to do that anymore. We give our 3 yr old the option of going to bed with the door locked or going to bed and staying in his room with the door cracked. He usually goes to bed with the door cracked. It all works out. And no he won't wake up in the morning upset with you. Just make sure you unlock it before you go to bed, incase he wakes up or needs to use the bathroom. Good luck.

[deleted account]

My child was like that, and what I did was prepare her for when she turned six she would go to bed by herself. We would still go in and read her a couple of stories. This appeared to work, however we still have to be in the next room until she actually falls asleep!

[deleted account]

My youngest is 8 he stopped on his own at 6. It was a big deal for awhile but then I realized kids grow up and soon he wouldn't want to so I let him quit on his own. I was a single mom at the time too. We now have family sleep overs where both kids get to camp out in mom and dads room once a month. I say enjoy it while you can.

Robin - posted on 08/27/2009

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My daughter is 9 and still wants someone to sit with her. She is a very anxious little girl. Maybe that will help.

Dawn - posted on 08/27/2009

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My daughter does the same thing, however, I look at it a little differently. I figure that one of these days she is not going to want me around so I live it up while she does. I remember my parents locking me in my room as a child and I cried and cried. I do not want my daughter to remember me that way. I know it is hard to find time to do things but one of these days your son won't want the extra attention anymore and you will wonder where these days went!

Mary - posted on 08/27/2009

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If you're really serious about him falling asleep on his own, there is an excellent book called "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems", by Richard Ferber M.D.
We used it when our kids were babies, but there is a section for older children in it. Try your library first if your tight on money.
Our two boys(ages 7 and 4) sleep in the same room and in the same bed, that seems to help with being scared of the dark. We also put glow in the dark stars on the ceiling and they love them. You can only see them in the dark.
Its a matter of confidence, if they think they can do it, then they can! So you must be very positive about it and build them up.
A friend of mine actually moved from the bed to the floor and literally inched her way out of their room each night consecutively, then into the hallway, then around the corner. I just couldn't stand sitting on the floor like that, but it worked for her.
I'm sure its the new house. It also may happen when they get sick. We let our boys sleep on the floor by our bed if there is a thunderstorm or they have a bad dream. It seems to help. The goal is everyone sleeping through the night and going to sleep on their own. Good luck!

Joanne - posted on 08/27/2009

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Try telling him you've got to do something in the next room and go back to him every 5 minutes until he falls asleep. (I would do some ironing in my bedroom).

Melissa - posted on 08/27/2009

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Hello, My Mark is 10 years old and there are days when I am requested to lay with him till he falls asleep. I am sure the move has much to do with it. Whenever there is change there is the need to feel secure and we as mothers/parents does that for them. We are a two parent household and my husband is constantly telling me I should not be lying down with him. I disagree because I spent many lonely nights crying myself to sleep as a child and that is not a good feeling. Please be patient with Arno and communicate what you must be getting done to take care of the family when you need him to go it alone. It won't take away the guilt you feel; however, Arno will begin to understand. Hope this helps.

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