Control in the home

Amie - posted on 05/11/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Everytime I come home from work, my 3 year old daughter is excited to see me and sticks to me like glue till bedtime. She tells me to do everything for her. She tells me what to make her to drink. She tells me what to do, even when I can go to bed. She has control. It's been like this since March. She stays home with Dad during the day. When she doesn't get her way she has a tantrum. I try to have some control at night but I feel like I am in a tug of war. Any reccomendations?

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Becky - posted on 05/11/2009

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Hi Amie - I think Cheryl has some good thoughts there - give her some control, but not too much. I don't know how this applies to your daughter, but for example...

You: Put this dress/shoes on now!

Her: I don't want to!

You can see where this conversation is going to go...

OR

You: Which do you prefer, this outfit or this one?

In this scenario, you are giving her control and a choice - although really the choices are yours - but you are giving her the control to choose the one she wants.



AND agree about you and Dad being on the same page, if that is what he is doing all day long with her, well then....



Maybe it is also her way of getting your attention since she is so excited to see you?

[deleted account]

That'll add some extra stress to your day, eh? Just say "no, you do it" if it's something she can do. I agree about giving her choices too. And if she wants to throw a tantrum, ok. When my son throws tantrums, we often video tape them and show him the recording. He gets annoyed and asks us to turn it off, which is always funny. Seriously though, time out for tantrums. Let her throw them and ignore her while she's doing it. But TALK to her too. She's 3, she understands a lot. I also agree that you and your husband need to be doing the same things. If he's home all day, the rules while you're gone need to be the same as when you're home. Good luck.

Cheryl - posted on 05/11/2009

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I am no expert but it sounds to me that the true issues are in the day, does your husband have all the control in the day or does she do the same with him? Children need a constant and fair way to have control in there own life, small choices mind you and some big ones. Give her options, then you still control the outcomes, even tho she is making the final decisions. it can be as simple as what she wears or eats give her 2 choices.



Good Luck

it is easier to deal with now, cause it will only get worse

BUT you and DAD need to be on the same page or it will be a long battle

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