Do you feel guilty when you don't see your child because you spent your whole day at the office?

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Deanna - posted on 09/12/2009

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yes and no, there are many moments I'd rather be at home with my 8 month old but at the same time I feel like I appreciate the moments I'm with him 10 times more when I am home with him. It would be ideal if I could work part time and make the same income!

Meera - posted on 09/12/2009

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Definitely!! My dtr goes to a daycare.. I feel guilty everyday I drop her and when waves good-bye to me! However, she enjoys being around with other kids.. I don't think I would be able to give age-appropriate 100% attention if I were a stay at home mom. But that doesn't take me away from my 'guilt' believe me!!

Karen - posted on 09/11/2009

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I definitely feel guilty. Daughter just turned 3 months old yesterday and I went back to work when she was 1 month old. We have a full-time nanny and I'm worried that DD will prefer her more than me when she gets a bit bigger...

Cecily - posted on 09/11/2009

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Definitely! Even though my "kids" are grown up and in High School... I STILL feel guilty, especially during school holiday! I would MUCH rather spend quality time with my daughters!!! Hang in there!

Jacklyn - posted on 09/10/2009

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Yes!!!! Especially when I know he isn't feeling well or cries when I leave and I don't even get to say good bye because they are taking him into another room to distract him. I missed him crawling and I cried like a baby at work when they called to say he crawled. I think I will die if I miss him walking. The only thing I can think of to help is I know I'm working to support him.

Tina - posted on 09/10/2009

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My kids are a little older now & I still hate being away. Unfortunately I don't have the luxury of being a SAHM I am hoping to find a job that will afford me the ability to change that. If you work outside the home you will feel guilty & it will hurt to miss milestones & events. I always say "Do what you have to do, until you can do what you want to do'. Just make the time you do get special- that's what will keep you going!

Cas - posted on 09/10/2009

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i work many hours at one time as i am a security guard and sometimes i do feel guilty but i have noticed that my son is better behaved since both of us have been working and he looks forward to things more now as u used to expect all the time. i enjoy time with him more now than i did before its nice to feel like mum and also to be urself aswell . feeling like a mum all the time got to me and i wanted to be me sometimes....x i love him more than anything and wudnt be without him he is my world..x

Meredith - posted on 09/10/2009

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I feel horrible about it and I miss her terribly (she is 17 months), but I also actually like working. Both are true and I think that will always be the case.

Khadijah - posted on 09/10/2009

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Is there a stronger word than "guilt"? I feel guilty everyday I go to the office. Sometimes I even go into the office late just so my face can bee the first face they see when they wake up, and so I can feed them their first bottle of the day. I value our time together that much more because of the time I spend away from them.

Isabel - posted on 09/10/2009

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yes i def enjoy spending time with my princess. i wish i could def work from home or her father would be more understanding so he can try his best and i could stay with her.Men are def a challenge

Mirazol Dimpas - posted on 09/09/2009

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Yup..! I feel guilty because like I'm giving more priorities & time on my work rather than taking care of my children, but instead, why I worked hard because of them....

Sharon - posted on 09/09/2009

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No, never. He's in an enviornment where he is safe, feed, cared for and engaging in activies with other children his own age. Plus he loves to go to daycare just as much as he loves to leave which makes my life easier.

Veronica - posted on 09/09/2009

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Janet, do you keep your business options open? What are you doing right now?

Nicole - posted on 09/09/2009

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I feel so guilty that i dont get to spend the time i want with her and when i am with her during the week i'm tired. and on the week end its so hard to fit in everything i need to do when all i want to do is be with the children and i feel mad at my husband for not earning enough money so i dont have to work

Wendy - posted on 09/08/2009

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Hope - posted on 09/08/2009

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yes that true but if u think about it u provide for ur child to survive if dont work these days we need think about how are we going to surive and support family !!

Rebekah - posted on 09/08/2009

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I use to but when you start thinking about all the stuff your teaching them and providing for them it makes it alot easier .... I use to tell my daughter that I had to go to work so I could have money to buy her , her pretty dresses or toys, and to pay the bills .... its alot better for me that way .... she understands and didnt think I was just leaving her just becuse

[deleted account]

OH yes- I have decided not to have any more kids due to the fact I cant raise them myself- we used daycare off and on due to my school schedule- now they are in school and I am working full time- I miss so much- and what hurts is getting called Ms whoever- the teacher- I am like man you spend as much time with your teacher as you do with me- ouch- so I can only hope they learn how to do it so they can be financially ok and stay home with their kids or atleast have family help raise them- how many times I went to class with tears my eyes leaving my screaming baby behind- oh the guilt

Ruwaida - posted on 09/06/2009

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I do and most often or not i cannot focus as i think bout what they doing at that paricular moment:)))) i have been really working on trying to eliminate the 'guilty working mum syndrome' as i belive it is stereotyped and i need to change that.....

Janna - posted on 09/06/2009

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Of course every mom has some guilt assoc. with leaving their baby. That's when you comfort yourself with knowing as much as you can about your childcare provider and keeping a constant dialog with them about milestones, quirks, and friends he/she has while there. The more you communicate with those caring for your baby, the better you will feel. Then, the time you do spend with him/her, is true quality time.

User - posted on 09/06/2009

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Yes! Its very hard to deal with missing a part of your child's day. Now that my son is in school I feel less guilty, but still miss him.

Sandy - posted on 09/05/2009

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Yes, I had the blessing of being home withmy two middle children. With our fourth "suprise" I do not have the option to stay at home with him. Although, my mother in law is able to watch him while we work, I feel guilty for not doing everything for him like I did the others

Michelle - posted on 09/05/2009

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There were days when I felt I should be home, but in the long run I discovered they have become more self-sufficient and learned to get along with others (they were in a child care center that I thank God was here). I also kept my sanity. They are now 22, 21 and 18. The key is when you are home (don't worry about the mess, it will get cleaned up after they are gone!), be involved with them (sports, band, dance, playing with them...whatever). That is what they truly will remember. Oh...and listen to what they are talking about in their lives as they get older. I said NO more then YES compared to other parents. I've discovered that was also a good thing. They may hate you at the time, but then days or months later you will hear them agree with that decision. Working ... it worked for me and my family. I wish you well.

TC - posted on 09/04/2009

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I was able to stay at home with my now 8yr old daughter, but when I had my preemie daughter in Jan of 08 I had to go back to work after 6 weeks of maternity leave. At first I felt SO guilty, I felt like my first daughter had gotten something more or better. Honestly now I think that my younger daughter gets a better part of me than my oldest one did. The time that I do get to spend with both of my kids is precious now, I try to make every spare moment that we spend together quality time. Before I did not make as much of an effort it was more of a job, now every second is a blessing!

Jennifer - posted on 09/04/2009

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Yes. I do. However, I try to make an effort to have quality time with her after work and on weekends. In the beginning I felt more guilty, especially during the phase of separation anxiety. However, I knew that she was good with her caretaker. One benefit, I have found is that she is more independent in situations where she takes classes - she has never been clingy because we have always impressed upon her that someone she knows would come back for her. Whatever time you have with your child, make it good. Because that is what they will remember.

Gina - posted on 09/04/2009

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It can be difficult and you can feel guilty. However, always carve out the time right after picking them up from daycare-even if you can spare 15 solid minutes before starting dinner, cleaning, homework, etc. Just 15 solid minutes of you and baby or child time. Focus on your little ones and savor the moments you have with them.

Amie - posted on 09/04/2009

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It is perfectly normal to feel guilty. I have three kids 11, 8, and 2 years and I have worked with all of them at pretty young ages. I know I have days when I feel worse than others but on the brightside all three of my kids are well adjusted and happy. When we started church and I had to take my two year old to the daycare she was totally fine and just started playing with the other kids. No crying and carrying on and the same when my older kids started school they just jumped right in. I think because I have carefully screened our daycare providers and found the best possible providers my children have had a very possitive experience with daycare which in turn makes them more sucure and confident individuals.

Cheryl - posted on 09/04/2009

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You are SO not alone. Somedays I am miserably sad as my 2 yr old is crying because she wants mommy to go with her (my hubby takes her to daycare). I don't know that it is guilt as much as it a longing to be with her and calm her down. I know I can not change our situation and honestly I would probably go crazy staying home all day without any adult conversation- and how would that benefit her? I love my babies and I think no less of myself for having to go to work to help make ends meet. My babies get to see an example of parents who work hard, who provide for their family, and who take time to really enjoy being together with the limited available hours. Try not to be too hard on yourself.

Chaundra - posted on 09/04/2009

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Yes then you get home and have to clean and cook it just sucks. My friends tell me just know that you are not a bad mom and your kids are happy. If you worry about not seeing them then know you are a wonderful mem.

September - posted on 09/04/2009

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I make sure I see my son at the end of my day. Which is not hard to do since I work 8am-5pm. We have dinner together then it's bath time and story/play time before he is off to bed. I spend every evening with my son :) Thankfully!

Rebecca - posted on 09/04/2009

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I don't think I feel guilty, just a little sad some days because I miss my little boy. He is 7 months and has been going to his grandma's during the week since he was 5 months. He is really happy so it makes it easier. If I could afford to stay home I'd be doing it for myself, not for him.

Sherri - posted on 09/04/2009

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Nope-I'm working in order to provide food, roof over head, clothes, extra curricular activities, etc. When I get comments like "why can't you stay home?" I simply explain that the food, clothes etc. come from me working. I refuse to allow myself to feel quilty for doing something that is necessary to support my family.

Michelle - posted on 09/04/2009

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The feeling of guilt is normal. I was not financially able to stay home with our kids and I tormented myself ruthlessly. They were fine....I made it harder on myself. The best advise I can give is to make the most of the time you do have with them. It is Quality Time not Quantity of time that will make the difference. Have fun with them and take it easy on yourself. At this point in my life I am working, have two grown kids but I am now taking steps to becoming financially free by starting our own home business so I can be home with my grandchildren someday. Hopefully that is still a while off. LOL

Carla - posted on 09/04/2009

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My girls are now 12 & 7, but I have worked ever since they were born. From my experience, I think it is harder now than when they were infants / toddlers. When they come home from school, they really need to talk about their day. The pressure of school today is very stressful, much different from years ago. It's tough to be a working Mom, but you are not alone.......

Cathrine - posted on 09/04/2009

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Yes, it's better now that mine's in school, but I hated every moment I had to be at work while she was a baby. I felt like I was missing everything.

[deleted account]

YES! It doesn't matter what anyone says about being able to give them more materialistic stuff. That is NOT what a child wants. They want love and hugs and kisses and to be played with. Not the toys we can buy them when we work. I hate working since I had a baby! Unfortunately I can't be a SAHM if I dont somehow get an income. I think the olds days when men was working in high positions and women stayed at home was like that for a reason. I feel my actual "work" or purpose is my baby and hate spending only those few hours after work and weekends with him. Other people see his first crawl and his first sitting up and all this "first" achievements before I do and it makes me really really sad!

Cassie - posted on 09/04/2009

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At least we giving our little ones a better quality of life and also you learn to appreciate your time with your l/o a little more when you dont spend 24/7 with them. It gives you a and them a break when your in work and they will thank you for it in the end :)

Heather - posted on 09/04/2009

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With out a doubt!!! Believe me, you are not alone in this area. My newest baby is not quite 5 months old and I am back at work. This is the first time, out of 7 children that I have had to work when my baby was an infant, and the days that I am working.......my heart aches. I feel so guilty, that I don't even make plans with friends on my days off, because I don't want to leave him on the days that I CAN be home. I don't know if I can give you any advice, I think that it's something you have to be able to work out within yourself. At least that is what I have found out so far. All we can do is make the time we do spend with out babies really count!

Cassie - posted on 09/04/2009

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Yep :/ Especially when he cries in the morning saying he doesnt want to go to creche he wants to stay home

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