Do you teach abstinence to your teenage children?

Yolanda - posted on 11/05/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I feels some of the teenagers of today should wait before having sex. I see so many that are clueless about their bodies, and emotions as teenagers. So I feel they have plenty of time to become educated on what the consequences are to having premarital sex. And should focus more on their education, and life coping skills. Before taking that big plunge into the having sex without the maturity to handle different outcomes of their actions.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/20/2012

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Well, we teach common sense. We don't call it abstinence. It's common sense. Common sense says that if you have sex, you could get pregnant, or cause pregnancy. Both of my young men are well aware of their bodies, hormones, etc, as we've never considered any type of conversation taboo. They have been talked to from the time they were old enough to ask questions.



The most effective birth control talk I've had to date with them consisted of us all going to family court against my husband's ex. Both realized then that, if you don't wait until you are totally SURE about your relationship and the other person, it's going to backfire. They witnessed their dad fight for his rights NOT to pay for a child that he did not sire, but out of a misplaced sense of responsibility (he'd slept with the witch after she was already pregnant), he tried to take care of the child. She would not allow him to see the child, but sure as heck wanted the money.



We went to a lawyer, got a paternity test, and got the case dismissed, with her having to repay the state for what they'd paid her for support for that kid. At the end of the case, my sons both turned to us and said "We get it. We aren't going to even THINK about sex until we're sure."



That was 6 years ago, they were 11 and 8. They are 17 and 14, virgins, and excellent young men. And I thank God every day that they are smart enough to stay that way.

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Heather - posted on 03/20/2012

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We continually discuss issues as they come up...we have an open line of communication with our children. Abstinence, how our bodies change, hormones, healthy relationships, unhealthy relationships, even drinking alcohol and drugs...and the consequences of them. (Oh one recent addition to our talks is texting/talking on cell phones while driving)...from the time they were very young..our oldest is almost 12, our middle is 6 and our youngest is almost 10 months. So we are at very different stages all the time!! We encourage abstinence and they are aware of where babies come from...we have occasionally turned on 16 and pregnant just to show a glimpse of what its like to be a teen mom. We only have it on for a few minutes...just to spark a discussion...then they can "see' the impact instead of just "hearing" the words...My oldest daughter currently wants to wait to have children--if at all she says--since she has been experiencing life with a newborn!! She loves her brother, but she gets to experience how much work a baby can be--daily. And there have been many nights where he has woken her up! Then she says to me, "Mommy, I don't know how you get up so much in the night. I like to sleep!" Yes, remember that honey...I also believe that if children are involved in healthy activities and are focused in being kids (and not so focused on being an adult!) that this will help them in the future. Too many kids are growing up way too fast! I see 12 years old that look like 18 year olds too often...

Jerusha - posted on 03/20/2012

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Well, I know that once again everybody is going to gang up on me for saying this, but I'm going to say it anyways. I teach my children abstinance. I teach them that there are limitations and boundaries. I teach them that sexual intercourse is crossing the boundaries and limitations. I teach them that there are sexual activities that can be done outside of marriage, such as kissing, petting, fondling, and maybe even oral, but sexual intercourse is meant for a man and wife only. Human beings were not made to have multiple sex partners. That's why there are sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies. The reason so many teenagers partake in sex is because so many adults give them the message that it is okay. If adults would encourage abstinance, there would be less teenage sex. I teach my kids abstinance and teach them about the consequences of premarital sex. I don't force them to partake in abstinance; I encourage abstinance. It is too bad that more people in the world would encourage abstinance instead of encouraging premarital sex.

Colleen - posted on 11/08/2009

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As part of our family life we talk at an early age about our bodies, and sexuality as the children age and mature. I think many parents wait far too long to have these conversations -- or worse-- never have the conversations. It is important that parents not delegate this to the schools. Parents need to share their values along with scientific facts of how our bodies are made.

Mary Kay - posted on 11/07/2009

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I think that they need the education for the very reason that they are clueless about their bodies. Hormones happen whether they are educated or not and when the feelings come, they need to have some information to make good choices for themselves. I teach a relationship/sexuality class at my church and we support the idea of waiting for sex until they are adult, but we also educate them on what a good relationship is, how to get out of bad ones and to be aware of STD's and birth control for when they make that decision. Sex needs to be a conscious decision, not an act that "just happens" because a partner encourages it, or they are curious or they don't know how to say no or they just don't understand the consequences.

Rebecca - posted on 11/06/2009

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I was informed about sex when I was 4 when I asked where babies come from. I was given further more descriptive information as I got older, I knew what sex was and the consequences from a young age. I didn't have sex until I was 18, I waited until I was in love. I have had very few partners since and I waited to have a baby until I was married. I will be teaching my children the same way... I have friends who weren't taught, and who had sex and who got pregnant young as a consequence. If you don't teach your children, there are other kids out there who will take advantage of them, who will pressure them to do things that they don't understand the consequences of.

If you are honest with your children, and raise them right, and respect that they are hormonal adolescents, there is every chance they will believe in what you do - that they should wait for marriage.

If they choose not to follow what you believe, you do know that they will find out for themselves, and just do it behind your back.

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