father just died

Misty - posted on 08/30/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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what do i do to get my daughter to realize its not the end of the world that she can still play with friends what the hell am i supposedto do will someone please help me

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Sherry - posted on 08/30/2009

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I am so sorry to hear of your loss,this is a hard thing to go thru, my niece was 10 when my brother died, we took her to the caring place to get some help. It was a free service that was recomended by the wonderful nurses form hospice, it wasn't so much as counseling, but time with other children her age that had lost a parent. It really seemed to help her, they made a memory box and really just talked about their loss, at the end of her time there, they made a quilt square for their parent that went onto the large quilt that is on display in the lobby. It takes time and a lot of patience let her talk if she wants to, but try not to push too hard, best wishes, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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Angelique - posted on 09/24/2009

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First off, let me say that I am sorry for your loss. I am sure it's really hard on the both of you. Maybe you could spend sometime with her doing something that she really enjoys. Making a point to laugh and show your happiness, letting her see for herself that it's ok to express happiness.

Trish - posted on 09/24/2009

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Hi, I can in som way relate. I have five children and when I was pregant with the the twins, the kids father was first diagonised with cancer and then I walked in to the lounge room and he was having a third grade heart attack. Five years down the track, knocking on wood, he is still alive, but we have witness him die five times and now he has contiuning heart faliure. What I have done for the kids is always maintain routine, it never changes, always encourage them, be involved with the kids activities, I have also continued being postive about their Dad, this could be talking, showing photo's. I'm sorry you are both going through this, but be strong there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Terrie - posted on 09/02/2009

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I think it will take a little time but the more you reassure her the better it will get!

Chell - posted on 09/01/2009

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Make sure you talk to her teachers, ask them if they can try to nurture a friendship with someone else who has been through the same thing, it's not as uncommon as you think. (I work in a school in which there are 2 unrelated orphans being brought up by grandparents).
She will open up to you eventually, but she will need a friend who's been through the same thing as she's going through. She will be able to talk to this friend about things she wouldn't want to talk to you about, e.g. Anger "why did he have to leave?", guilt "could I have done anything to stop this?" etc etc.
She will never forget him, and as long as she remembers him, he will always live on, in her heart.

Tanya - posted on 08/30/2009

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I am so sorry that your family is in pain right now .. and i really dont think that my words will help you ,i have never experienced this pain you are feeling right now . what i do know is ...my friend had her baby die when he was 18 months old i went and stayed with her for a few weeks ...i didnt know what to say or what to do but she tells me that i was a great help just being there for her so she could talk when she needed to ..we spoke of all the good times and the bad the times he got cheeky or scared for no reason... get support and take any help you can get ,to help your family thru these tough trimes... also is it ur childs father who has just past away or your father ..just asking so that it will be clear for someone who might be able to share their experience with you ...bless you and your family

[deleted account]

oh, that is a hard one, wish I could give you some wisdom words, except just saying that I am well sorry to hear that. It must be really hard for both of you, but as you mentioned it aint the end of the world. Your girl is upset but with your help and mainly help of her girlfriends she will get through, I think the best is to keep her mind occupied so she doesnt think that much about dad (I think easy to say for me but hard to do for your girl), you did not mention how old your daughter is, anyway playing with friends and being with you, will help, just make sure she is not alone right now. Tell her that daddy is safe with the angels looking at her from above and he wants to see her happy, smiling and having fun. Dad would not like to see her upset behind the closed doors. But do not push I think she needs time, she knows you love her and you are there for her anytime she may need you, that is important.

All the strenght in the world for you and your daughter, Lenka

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