Feeling guilty about not being the perfect mom

Katija2013 - posted on 07/28/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




I am a first time mom of 7 month old twins. We moved to the country a few years ago, my fiance works very long hours and i have no family to help out with the babies (my mom passed away in 2001, and i was an only child). My question/comment is - does anyone else out there ever feel like they are so over being a mom, and think back to the "good old days" of being without that sort of responsibility. I love my children to bits, and wouldn't swap my life for anything, but going from a high powered and intellectually stimulating job, to being a stay at home mother, i feel bored and alone a lot of the time - i can't wait for my twins to be able to start to talk and interact with me on that level; and there are very limited mommy group resources in this town. What id give to be able to read a book! I keep buying novels for the day i can actually sit down to read them :o) But my days are filled with babies from morning to night; sometimes i don't even have time for a shower. My fiance helps out minimally, as he has a lot of stress going on at the moment, and being male i guess, his communication with them is almost non existent. His parents are horrid, so i can't really rely on his mom for debriefings. My city friends don't understand my frustration, and feelings of isolation, nor the energy it takes to raise twins on your own, as they are corporate types without children of their own. I feel so guilty i'm not always happy around the twins. And i just feel like i should be doing more. They're over the 97th percentile for height and weight, have nice clothes, ive enrolled them in elite schools already, they are very happy babies (everyone always comments on how giggly they are), and ive bought them enough toys for 10 kids! I puree all their food, and make sure they eat 3 hourly. Yet i feel that i should be doing more. I don't know what it is i think i should do, but i just don't feel i'm perfect or good enough. My mom was brilliant, and always seemingly happy. When she was close to passing away, i commented that i wanted her to be like her, as she seemed invincible to me. She responded by saying that she hoped i would never experience what she went through, as her life had been very difficult. As a single parent, she was always loving and happy. I never saw her angry or depressed. She kept that from me. And i was only 22 when she died, so we never had conversations about the challenges of being a woman or mother.

Are we meant to be challenged by motherhood from time to time? Is it ok to feel overwhelmed sometimes? Is it ok to feel like you want to go off duty sometimes? Is it ok to feel frustrated sometimes? Is it ok to fee angry about life challenges sometimes? I just don't feel good enough at this new role. I feel like i should be perky all the time, and im far from.

Sorry about the waffling. But i would love to here about your experiences.


Amy - posted on 07/28/2012




First of all I'm sorry you lost your mom at such a young age, I can not imagine how difficult that is for you. Now to your question, yes it's ok to feel overwhelmed, it's ok to want a day off or even a minute, it's ok to be frustrated. We're moms not robots! I know you say there aren't a lot of mommy group resources in your area could you create something? Could you start your own play group, if you have something to focus on you may find that you don't feel so isolated.

Also can you hire a sitter one day a week to get out of the house and do something for yourself? Even if it's to go grocery shopping alone. You would feel so much better as a mom if you could get some time to yourself. I know it's easier said than done but don't feel guilty about needing an hour to breathe once a week.

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