Full time oncology clinic nurse is desperately trying to feel better about working full time after Emma is born

Mary - posted on 06/02/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Hello, I'm hoping to find some sense of security and relief that there are others out there that have to work full time and are knowing that they are still great parents even though they have to work full time and have someone else raise their kids up to eight-ten hours/day Mon-Fri!

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Theresa - posted on 06/03/2009

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My kids are older now (12 yo dd & 14 yo ds) and both went to daycare/ preschool from an early age so i could work. I had to shuffle them around quite a bit about 6 years ago so i could work full time and finish my bachelor's degree. They are both honor roll students and very well mannered. They have had chores to do since they were 5 and they get an allowance for it. My working has taught them to be responsible and realistic. In most families both parents have to work. Your kids are much better off to see you as a real person than June Cleaver. Just make sure when you are with them, you are focused on them - be honest and keep the lines of communication open - really listen to what they are saying.

User - posted on 06/03/2009

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I so wanted to post something here and give you some advise, but the 3 previous posters have said it all.... I have both of my kids in day care for a little over 9 hours, and they all have a blast! They enjoy playing with their friends during the day, and still get the attention from their parents at nites/mornings/and weekends. Quality time is key! I honestly too think I'd go nuts and burn out if I had to be with the kids every waking hour of the day, and I really do feel that they will not hate us for this decision we've made by putting them in day care. The teachers are awesome and loving, and that helps out a lot too! Our day care even has cameras where I can watch the kids from my desk at work, and it's nice seeing them play with their friends, and knowing that they are happy. Hope our words help ease your concern. :)

Barbara - posted on 06/03/2009

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I went back to work full-time when my son was 6 months old and had to put him in daycare Mon-Fri. for 9 hours a day. What made the guilt even more overwhelming was that I didn't think that he was getting the best possible care. After trying a nanny, and then 2 different daycare centers we finally had a winner. My son is now 4yo old and he's been in the same daycare since his 1st bday. Knowing that he is well-taken care of and loved by his teachers eases the guilt tremendously, and gives me a sense of security so that I don't worry about him all day and can get my job done. As a clinical social worker who works with children, I know (professionally and personally) that the quality of time I spend with my son far outweighs the quantity of time that I have with him during the week. Knowing myself, I could never be a stay-at-home mom and I was itching to go back to work after 3 months. But every day is a juggling act and you just try your best to give 100% to your child when you are together, no matter how exhausted you are or how many "other" things need to get done. The fact that you even wrote this post shows that you are a good parent and you are trying to do your best for your child. That's all any of us can do, regardless of the circumstances.

Sarah - posted on 06/03/2009

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It is so not easy!! I feel the guilt all the time. My son is almost 7 and my daughter 3 1/2. If I could stop work I would...but I haven't figured that out yet. My kids are great kids tho! Thanks to the daycare and her efforts to raise them properly. It's sad to say but I'm afraid if I were with them all day, I may be a little too crabby to be nice to them! I'm not sure what to tell you but if you get the right daycare, they will feel loved and have good manners and morals. My kids still love me regardless and we make it a point to play with them more when we're together because the time is so short.

Jennifer - posted on 06/03/2009

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Hi, I can understand your feelings. I too am an oncology nurse and although it is a true love of mine, it sometimes sucks the life out of me. I have 3 kids, 7, 5 and 3 and work full time on an inpatient unit, gyn/onc, and I feel guilty a lot of the time. I try to weigh in quality vs. quantity, just like I try to encourage for endstage patients. It is certainly not easy. Sometimes I am good at it and sometimes, I just feel like the worst mom in the world. Hope it helps to know that you are not alone.

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