Guilt

Karissa - posted on 09/09/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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Im a young mother and more than anything I've always wanted to have a child... I was blessed with a beautiful little girl. When she was five months old, I got a wonderful job - and I love it.... but its full time 9-5 and i can't help but feel guilty. I know im providing for my child, but at the same time some of my friends are having kids now too and they are all stay at home moms or going back to school... I just feel guilty for not being with my daughter all the time!!!

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Mandy - posted on 09/09/2009

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It's not the quantity it's the quality! You know what's best for you and your daughter, as long as you spend quality time together you shouldn't feel guilty because other people parent differently than you.

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Trish - posted on 09/15/2009

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Please don't feel guilty, your child knows that you love her, it's not about how much time you spend it's about the quality. On top of that and this is what I always say to myself, I'm being a postive role-model to my children.

Nadya - posted on 09/15/2009

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Hi Karissa, I went through the same thing. I had my little girl and twelve weeks later I was back to my full-time job, I felt guilty too. I felt like a bad mum. But now five years later I have slowed down and I'm now working on reduced hours and investing the hours in my little munchkin, so now I can enjoy my daughter's company and still work, I finally found the perfect balance but 5 years ago I had to do otherwise, and get on with it. So don't get discouraged.

Jackie - posted on 09/15/2009

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I think that this is something that all working mothers deal with. I have 2 kids at home and also have to work full time. It is a battle to make sure that I am spending the time with them that they require. So far all has worked out. You have to find out what works best for your family and be willing to make changes if it doesn't work out. I will keep you in my prayers that God will help you with this decision. Power to the working moms out there!!!

Robin - posted on 09/15/2009

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I just went back to work yesterday and my little angel is 4 1/2 months old. I cried all the way there! It was a very difficult day and will definitely take time to adjust but I know that I am doing the right thing. My daughter is fortunate enough to stay home with Daddy 4 days a week, go to Grandma and Grandpa's 1 day and spend 2 with Mommy! As other posters said, I know that am being a wonderful role model for her. In the relationship with my husband, I am an equal partner but a strong and independent woman. I have decided to use the time at work as "me time". Enjoy the job you love and make every moment count with your daughter. You're doing the right thing!

Valerie - posted on 09/14/2009

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Don't feel guilty for providing a life for your daughter. You can be a stay at home mom or working mom and either way you have to put time into your relaitionship. I stayed home with my 1st for 1 year, 2 weeks with my 2nd (my cousin ran an in home day care), 8 years with my 3rd and just had my 4th and will be going back to work soon. I don't have a choice since my husband was laid off. You need to do what feels right for you. If you love your job then why not have both?

Sandy - posted on 09/14/2009

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I am a working mom also. I know mothers that stay at home with their kids and don't give their kids the attention that working moms do. There is good in both. You have a good person to stay with your child that has the same values as you, you give your child 100% of the time you have together, and your child is always close to you in thoughts. You are doing the right thing. You don't have to turn your life over to your child, but you do have to do right by your children. I read a saying a long time ago, it hangs in my living room wall with my 12 grandkids around it. This is what it says," I have held many things in my hands and have lost them all, but that which I have placed in God's hand, I still possess". I would love to stay home and watch all my grandchildren, but I can't. The time I spend with them is always good. You want only the best for your child, and from what I see, you are giving it to her.

Aleid - posted on 09/14/2009

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Stop feeling guilty. You are a happy mum because you can work and love to work. Even though you miss your baby when at work. Don't you think stay at home mums never miss being around adults and doing something which does not involve babies? Being a happy mum is the best mum you can be. Having good quality time is all that counts and think of all teh extra's you can provide because you are working. Honestly stop feeling guilty and enjoy th etimes you do share and don;t forget to also enjoy the times you work!

Tara - posted on 09/13/2009

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I have 2 kids and I have always worked full time. Don't feel guilty you are doing what you need to do for HER, to make her life better. Make the time you have in the evenings count, watch a cartoon, have a tea party, read to her before bedtime.

Reva - posted on 09/12/2009

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My 12 year old son told me he hates my job and has even prayed for me to get a new one. I told him I have to work so he can have all the things I want him to and now he understands. I think that when you are with children too much you dont get the chance to miss them then you get annoyed by little things I was a stay at home mom and now I could not do it again

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You have to do what feels right for you and don't compare with anyone else. I've got four kids and tried first working full-time and then being a stay-at-home-mum. Working gives me a sense of identity other than being a mum (and provides a better income of course), but staying at home all day with them meant that I could share everything with them. Now I've found a happy medium in working part-time. I'm still me and I love my job but I get alot of time with the kids too. My children are very loving with me but also independent and sociable when I'm not there so its a great balance. You are being a great role model for your daughter so please don't feel guilty ... as long as she is well looked after when you're not there she'll be just fine. You are allowed to love your job and still be a good mum! In fact its great you have a job you love...you being happy is important to how your daughter learns to view the world. Good luck.

Maureen - posted on 09/12/2009

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You are contributing to the support of your family and being an equal with your partner in doing so. You are also being a far better role model for your daughter !

If your friends start whining at you just ask them what they trade is for them to stay home. Cause everyone support's themselves somehow ! Perhaps on their back or knees ? Your family is in a much better situation in the long run. And you will be able to provide health care, education, stimulation and a glimpse at many things your friends can not. It also gives you valuable time to remember who you are and your personal goals. It will make you a better mother, partner, woman and person.



You go girl !

Suja - posted on 09/12/2009

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I too agree with Mandy..I too am a full time working mother and do miss being with my little one...but whenever I am with her, I spent the whole time with her and enjoy!

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