hello, my 13 year old daughter has morphed from A's and B's to F's, friends, texting, friends, lazy any suggestions? I am not apposed to a harsh change!!

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Candice - posted on 04/29/2009

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SHES THE KID YOUR THE PARENT, TAKE IT ALL AWAY, BOO HOO TOO BAD SHE'LL LIVE. TRY SOME BONDING FUN DAYS TO GET A GLIMPSE OF THE HAPPY KID YOU ONCE KNEW, NAILS, MASSAGES, JUST A FUN LUNCH, LET HER PICK. BE REAL NO BULL THEY SEE RIGHT THROUGH IT. MOST OF ALL REMEMBER HOW WE FELT AT THAT AGE AND WHAT WE WANTED TO HEAR.

Christina - posted on 04/28/2009

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This may be very harsh, but it works. 1. Take away all electronic items in her room (cell phone, ipod, radio, ect.) . Ground her from her friends and do not let her go anywhere she asks… 3. Take the door off of her room. 4. Give her a schedule of daily “MANUEL LABOR”… This is why…

Tell your daughter, that without an education the only job she is going to get is labor… Show her what it is like to wash windows, take out the trash, clean the bathrooms, mop. Tell her you are not punishing her, that because you love her you are preparing her for her future, because obviously if she doesn’t value her education then she needs to learn skills how to do physical labor… And if she is poor, then she will not afford a cell phone, or an ipod, or a radio…
This is harsh, but it works. You need to stick to your guns. Kids get quarter grades and semester grades. Make sure you ground her until she brings her grade up and no sooner then that. Also, contact every one of your daughter’s teachers for make up work or extra credit. Get her involved in volunteering in the soup kitchen or a place where she can learn to appreciate what she had. As for the friends, I would make her cut off the friends you do not approve of.

I am a mother of 4 (14, 12, 4, 2years); and I have worked with Gang children for over 13 years. This age is crucial. You have to involve your self with her as if she were 2 again. I am one my 14 year old like white on rice. But, she gets good grades… “oh! And most important” make sure you praise everyday for the things she does right, but don’t let up the punishment unless her grades go up.

Amber Finney - posted on 04/14/2009

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Just remember that you are the parent and set the guidelines.  Limit the cell phone or take it away completely. I have a 14 year old boy who plays baseball and football, but still has lazy moments around the house.  Be active with your kids...we really limit activities where we are not present and remind our son - if you wouldn't do it in front of us then you shouldn't do it.  Sportsd, music, cheer, etc. are great alternatives as long as the right crowd is involved. Get to know the kids your daughter hangs and chats with (and their parents).

Carolyn - posted on 04/14/2009

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Hi Shannon. When I read this it was like reading my own words. This is exactly what has happened with my 12-year-old. I am distraught over it all. It has gotten to the point where when I see "Boston Collegiate Charter School" on my caller id, I immediately get either angry or depressed. I too, don't know what to do. It has gotten so bad she has been assigned to Saturday school. I was appalled when I discovered that anything below a 70% is failing in this school also. My daughter dances and takes gymnastics. I have since pulled her out of gymnastics, I pulled her off of the dance team at her school, I've taken away all electronic toys and the computer (unless it is needed for an assignment). So far, nothing is working, but I consistently hear "I'm trying to turn it around". The breakthrough came this Saturday after her first weekend being taken away from her. SHE TOLD ME her problem is that she is lazy and she doesn't want anyone to think she is a geek. The ones that do their homework and study all the time don't have friends. But what she realized was that she doesn't like being there on a Saturday. She says it is boring and even when you finish your work, you have to stay until 1p. I think it may have been an eye-opener, because she had no "homework club, tutoring or detention" and today is day #2!

Ruth - posted on 04/14/2009

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Hi. I just wrote something about raising responsible kids. The suggestions are extremely practical. I hope you find them helpful. Your daughter is at a key age. You can turn this around. Here's the start of the story:

Our goal is to raise children who grow into responsible adults who once they head off into the “real” world can make good decisions on their own and accept the consequences for their actions, right?
So isn’t it counterintuitive to attempt to control the lives of our kids, particularly once they become teenagers? I’m pretty sure you know what I’m talking about.
There are the drill sergeant parents who ground their kids at the first sign of trouble, who take away cellphones, iPods and internet access. And the overprotective helicopter parents who swoop down to rescue when trouble arises. We either know parents like this or have been guilty of being one. I know I’ve been guilty of both from time to time.
Both styles of parenting deprive kids of the ability to do exactly what they need most: take increasing responsibility for their decisions as they mature and live with the consequences of those choices.

Read more: http://suchasmartmom.com/2009/04/13/want...

Cherry - posted on 04/13/2009

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I suggest patients and gently guidance. I am a strict mom and was amazed when  my 13 yr old son who was an A student suddenly started earning F's. Okay I was angry too. But soon learned from watching him that he was going through some huge changes emotionally and physically. These changes were effecting his thoughts and emotions which then affected his grades. I gave him gentle teaching on organization, writing all assignments down and I talk to the teachers. We still struggle from time to time but here we are a year later and he is making B's and C's.

Christina - posted on 04/13/2009

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Hi Shannon, I am an 8th grade teacher, and we see issues with cell phones and a lot of laziness in the schools. I think that keeping her busy will work, and taking the phone is a great idea! Cell phones at that age is a scary thing, spreading rumors faster, among other things. I would also speak with her teachers and see why her grades are so low. Does the school have a "homework hotline" or some way for you to tell what her homework assignments are? I would be willing to bet that homework is not being done, or it is being copied so she is not really learning the skill she needs to pass exams. Try to spend time with her on her homework. Even if you don't understand it, you will be able to understand her frustrations and help her to seek help from teachers. I have a 10 month old, and am already worried what it will be like for her to be 13!!!

Carla - posted on 04/13/2009

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I know this may sound harsh but have you considered drug testing? You can buy a home kit at any local drug store. They run anywhere from $25.00 to $50.00 depending on what you are testing for. Fortunate for me I never had to actually purchase one, just the threat took care of the problem.

Lori - posted on 04/13/2009

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I agree with Tammy but I would put limits on the phone. The phone is a priviledge and should be earned. I did this with my daughter and it worked wonders. First I took the phone and gradually added it back. Keep her busy and reward her for good grades.

Tammy - posted on 04/13/2009

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Hello i was a very crazy teen ..my sugestion to you is keep her realy busy.do not alow her to hang out with others that are not motivated.put her in a counseling to build self esteem and career training to give her a vision the self esteem is a big one teach her to be a leader not a follower pray every day for her and you to be a strong mom take away cell if she acts up i know it is realy hard but it will pay off i almost lost my life when i was a teen i wished i had better rescources to encourage me.. talk to her realy mellow and mean what you say and reward the good there id excelent programs teen challenge i think there is a link on my main facebook sight she works with teens she is amazing her books are great also make sure to include her outlook on family planning and descisions good luck

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