How do i deal with my daughter anger, she shouts or screams at everything.She even answers you in that manner?

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Bianca - posted on 06/15/2009

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Thanks,Chandrika its all sound so true, but iv realised iv been at fault alot of times.The only thing

thats going to be a challenge for me now is to put all of this to practise.I have tried to deal with it, like when she throws her tantrims i speak slow and softly to her and it grabs her attention and her voice tone changers.so im getting somewhere.

Thanks to all the moms who gave me advise.

Im only 24 years of age and it a bit of a challenge to me to disciplin my daughter, as i still live with my mum(who also plays a role),granny who will let her do thigs that i wont allow.So you can understand where i come from.

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Chandrika - posted on 06/15/2009

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Well...i think most of the times our kids are shouting and getting angry only when we have actually stopped listning to them otherwise...its like a attention seeking tactic which slowly turns into a habit. We as working moms, at times are so hard pressed for time that we do not have time to listen to our children's small talks and when we start doing it frequently, the child tries other ways to gain our attention like throwing things, whining, getting angry, crying , etc. etc..... and they r not exactly to be blamed for this behaviour. Now the most difficult part is to make the child unlearn this tactic..and this can be done in many ways depending upon your childs temperament.basically u need to be patient, loving and respecting towards your girl. Some of the things that u can try are talk to her and ask her how was her day on a daily basis and appriceiating her for even the smallest achievement, secondly you need to discuss your daily routinue with her ... to make her feel that u trust her and u treat her as her friend. Also start, involving her in the decision making process atleast in the areas where she is a concern for example... what would she like to eat (offcourse here u need to be really smart and not have any options available which u would not want her to choose ... so if u dont want her to eat ice-cream, do not keep it in your refrigerator)...instead of telling her just to eat a sandwich...there are amny other things like do some activities that interest her together to gain her friendship or stop pin pointing her mistakes in front of other or otherwise for example if she spills milk or drops anything.... its ok ... dont get angry..instead tell her its ok, sometimes it happens with u as well but be careful next time...etc etc...

Jana - posted on 06/14/2009

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well my daughter is a "whine queen" lol. I have found that if I make a concerted effort not to answer her when she whines, she will rephrase her question in a more appropriate voice. I tell her "sorry, I don't speak whine" or " I can't understand you when you talk like that, sorry."

Bianca - posted on 06/11/2009

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Thanks so much mummy's, i really feel that i might be at fault her because i can recall me shouting in the house, not only just me but my whole family in the house.

Iv also picked up that her playschool could also play a part in this, as she plays school school and acts out the activities that happens and acts out her teacher awell.Im looking to place her at another playschool as she also complains about certain things.

I will definetly take up all your advise and put it to practise.i will get back to you.

thanks again!

Sadie - posted on 06/11/2009

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My son has his days when he dispalys his anger and shouts. That was something he saw demonstrated and at the time the only way he felt he could express himself. Talk to her on her level. Ask her why does she have to shout or scream when she is angry. Ask her does she see you do that. If you are doing that, make an effort not to. Let her know it is okay to be upset, but not to the point of shouting or screaming. She will not get her way by doing that. Let her know you won't talk to her until she calms down. She will then begin to see that this behavior is not acceptable.

[deleted account]

Hey Bianca! My daughter is like that now (she's almost 4). Just a very high strung, passionate personality...and because of the age that passion is just coming out in a negative "the world revolves around me" "give me what I want or I'll get mad" kind of way. I'm really hoping she grows out of it...I've tried what the previous poster mentioned and it didn't really work in our situation, but that same approach was recommended by a few people so I would definitely give it a shot.
Basically, all we're doing now is trying to teach her when its acceptable to freely express herself (and her feelings) and when its best to listen & comply with what is being asked of her. Helping her see the etiquette/manner side of things more and not concentrating on the "wrong behavior" is working for us.

Hope this helps!
Allison
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BBB Accredited Leader with the Freedom At Home Team
It is possible to have a home based career...let me show you how. http://www.greathomecareer.com
US Residents Only

Lezanne - posted on 06/11/2009

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my son did that at a stage, and to be very honest, i think he learned it from creche. its hard to teach your kids not to do something that they see an example of every day. try to find out if that is the case, and remove him from that situation, also make sure that you are not unintentionally setting the example yourself. im not saying that you are screaming, but may sometimes be calling out, because someone is in the next room or out of earshot. we then started literally whispering to my son, he has to quiet down to hear what we are saying and theoretically will copy what you do. you know, monkey see, monkey does...... hope that helps

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