How do you NOT Mother out of guilt?

Sara - posted on 05/14/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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So after reading another post - we all feel guilty about sending the babies off to daycare while we work, etc.

So when YOU come home and on the weekends, how do you avoid acting out of guilt towards your child? What are your "best practices"?

Guilt makes us do bad things = give in easily, over-eat, etc.

How do you avoid this?

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Linda - posted on 05/14/2009

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Here are some things I have learned over the years. 1. Set a scehule, rules and consequences. 2. stick to them and don't back down 3. Never esponded base don ho you feel. This is avoided if you set the rules ahead of time. 4. Don't talk ortret daycare like a punishment around them. Say, I have a job annd yiu ahve a job, mommy works at her business and you work at da care. Let's get ready for our day at the office. Children respond as you do and if you make it a chore they will treat it like one.

Keisha - posted on 05/14/2009

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I personally do not feel guilty that my boys are in daycare while I'm working. The way I see it is they are learning rapidly, extremely advanced, being exposed to new and different things and developing socially, while I work to guarantee that they can have whatever it is that they need and anything that they want, if they earn it. I actually feel more guilty that because of the cost, we've have to wait until our youngest turns two (the cost goes down then) before we take him out of the in home daycare where he goes when my husband is on duty, to enroll him in the school were our oldest is during the day.



You just have to look at it this way....your children are gaining valuable knowledge and skills by spending time with other kids during the day. You are also working to provide for them so that they do not have to go without and you are showing them what hard work is all about.

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Katherine - posted on 05/17/2009

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My girls are 12 and 16 now, so we have been out of daycare for awhile. But I always looked at daycare as building them up to be independent people. Learning social skills. I do not feel guilty, because I think I was a better mom for going out to work and showing them that a women can go out and make a living. As long as you have good daycare and they like going there, I don't see the harm so why feel guilty.

Janice - posted on 05/15/2009

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I would much rather be a stay at home mom, but in this economy not many of us can. I know she is taken good care of and is learing so much. And she is getting those valuable social skills. I miss spending all day with her because I miss things she does, so on the weekend I think I try to make up for it by planning things to do together. Between working and trying to get a work at home job so I can get back into school, I'm going to be wore out unless I can figure out something. I think that the best thing to do for my daughter is not let her think that just because Mommy has to work to help pay for things dosen't mean she gets to rule the roost, so to speak :D We are working on that. They learn quickly those triggers. Especially if they see us tired or stressed from our jobs.

Gabrielle - posted on 05/15/2009

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I don't feel guilty. We both need to work, and I also think I'm providing a good role model for my daughter, as an educated career woman. We chose a great day care that is teaching her so much and helping her make friends and learn social skills, and we spend a lot of time together in the evenings and on weekends. I have set rules that I would have regardless of being a SAHM or not, so no extra goodies or giving in. I know that wouldn't really benefit her, anyway.

Kim - posted on 05/15/2009

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I don't feel guilty because I don't have a choice but to work. So I make the best of it. If you give in to your children because you feel guilty about working, you'll raise spoiled entitled people who themselves will make horrible adult, employees, spouses, etc. Just keep the long term in mind. Children want our energy and attention, not possessions. Give them positive attention when you can and remember that our main job is to guide them into healthy adulthood.

Heather - posted on 05/14/2009

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I agree with Linda, I set the rules, and just can't give in. I also like to spend my time focusig on how good Daycare is for my daughter. She really does enjoy it, and she learns so much.

Melissa - posted on 05/14/2009

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My guilt does not stem from my children being in daycare. It hasn't since I learned my 3 year old is really getting a lot out of the daycare setting. The teachers there give me a lot of feedback on her. My guilt more or less is from seeing the stay-at-home moms being able to spend more time with their children. I work in retail, do my own schedule and don't miss a whole lot out of my childrens lives but I still wish it was different sometimes. Then when I find I am feeling sorry for myself or whatever I am feeling. I think of the stay at home moms I have encountered and how they talk about how tough it is for them too. They don't get a lot of time to themselves and do so much for their kids, they are exhausted by the end of the day. I think with working full time I have learned not to take my kids for granted and cherish every moment with them.

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