How long is too long?

Stephanie - posted on 01/09/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I'm now needing to work more hours and I have the maximum load of college courses. My son is 17 mo, has been in daycare for awhile, gets along great w/ the kids and staff, but I'm wondering how long you think is too long for a child to be at daycare everyday? His dad is also taking classes and working too. I'm just feeling bad because we've never had such a full schedule.

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You know...I think all of us working moms are trying to find a balance that doesn't leave us feeling inadequate at work, as a wife, as a mom...it's a heavy burden.  For me, the world stopped spinning when I simply decided that there were a lot of places where I had control.  I love my work, but found ways to shift my responsibilities so I could control better how many nights were late nights. 



For me, this meant changing jobs and choosing wisely.  I did decide to stop doing my graduate coursework, but I don't think that makes it the only way.  Sometimes, getting that coursework done means different opportunities for you that will, in turn, benefit your children.  I also worked hard to find a dynamite daycare.  Becasue it's such a good fit for my daughter, we have come to look at the teachers there as partners in raising our daughter.  Together we solve the challenges of toddlerhood.



AND...when I am with my daughter, I am COMPLETELY with my daughter.  Same goes for my 9 month old son.  I can't seem to keep up with lots of other things (like news, dry cleaning, etc.), but I am definitely caught up with them.  We do lots of things together, eat dinner together almost every night, talk about our days (she asks each evening, "So, how was your day?").  There are a lot of ways to be a good mom.  Find out what puts your own life in balance.  A lot of people like to grand stand about sacrifice.  The way it looks from where I stand, sacrificing one's self only teaches our children how not to live.  And they're watching.



Best wishes...make the choices that bring your family happiness.

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Alina - posted on 01/20/2009

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My daughter has gone to daycare since she was 2 months so i could go back to work i think that is long enough although going to school is good i agree that you are missing out on alot. My boyfriend is going to school now and when hes done with his classes i will be going to school. Although you might wanna have more kids or have already experienced the pleasure of having a baby before this one not all babies are the same. I dont want to miss a thing and i know you feel the same too

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Quoting Noelle:




There are a lot of ways to be a good mom.  Find out what puts your own life in balance.  A lot of people like to grand stand about sacrifice.  The way it looks from where I stand, sacrificing one's self only teaches our children how not to live.  And they're watching.






I agree, a mom, or any person, must not sacrifice what is the most important to them. 



The hard thing for most of us is deciding what that most important thing is. 



 



 

Karla - posted on 01/18/2009

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There is a lot of wise women who replied to this......I feel that your child will be fine with you gone, BUT, you are missing out on time you will never ever get back as they grow so very fast. Do whats right for you and your child, we can only give you our opinions....good luck,

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Quoting Beth:

An option is that only one of you goes to classes at a time. Making sacrifices for your children is part of being a parent. The kids are only little once. Take the time with them now. You sound like your feeling guilty for what your doing. You already know the answer to your problem, you just have to act on it.



When my second child was born I was just beginning a semester.



I remember nursing him one night and saying, "C'mon, baby, please sleep well.  Mama's got a test to study for..."



My husband was going to school too. 



I realized that this was my last baby and that I didn't want to 'wish away' his babyhood, his childhood. It flies all too fast.  I withdrew from the class the next morning, deciding I would return at a time when I wouldn't be missing out on so much with my kids.



Now my 'baby' is 15, his sister is in college, and I am SO GLAD I took the time.



I'm back in school again.  In the in between years we made the very most of our time together. 



My husband got his degree, and now it's my turn.



I am more ready now than I was then, and I have a better idea of what I want as well.  And I don't feel pulled in too many directions.



Live in such a way that you will have no regrets. 



Education is just for a lifetime, it dies with you.



The values you hand down to your kids, the memories you make with them, they are your legacy and will outlive you as they live on in your children.



God bless your family!

Shari - posted on 01/12/2009

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Hi. I own a daycare and we have parents that drop there children off for 11 hours, M-F. These children are as happy as can be. Some are as young as infants... some are school age children. The kids (all ages) love playing with the other children, love the arts and crafts, love the outside time, etc., etc. The parents feel that the time they are with their children is more "quality time" b/cuz when they are with them, they are completely with them. They feel that their children are learning socialization skills and also learning academics with the 'class'. We also have families that drop there children off for only a few hours during the day. I think it all depends on your circumstances and how happy you and your child are with the daycare. Everyone is different and you just need to find something that works best for you and your family.

Beth - posted on 01/11/2009

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An option is that only one of you goes to classes at a time. Making sacrifices for your children is part of being a parent. The kids are only little once. Take the time with them now. You sound like your feeling guilty for what your doing. You already know the answer to your problem, you just have to act on it.

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