i am a working mom who feels like i work more than a mommy should, i feel like im neglecting him

Trisha - posted on 05/20/2010 ( 56 moms have responded )

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does any one else feel like this and how do u deal with it?

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Mogire - posted on 05/27/2010

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you need the job to keep baby going, just give quality time whenevr possible

Diana - posted on 05/20/2010

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When you work you are providing for your baby, so you are taking care of your baby. If your job can be more flexible then you should try to get more time with baby- but all mommies feel guilty about something- if I go to the store and leave her with daddy I feel guilty. It's just part of being mommy.

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56 Comments

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Donel - posted on 09/06/2012

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If you ever want to work and have more time for your son then go to www.donel.topratebiz.com.

I could never imagine being away from my children. I home-school because of that very reason. Life is short and I want to spend as much time as I can with my family.

Carina - posted on 06/05/2010

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I feel the same... Im a fulltime teacher and Im too tired once I get home to my boy who is 4yrs old now... I have to remember he has a stay home dad - but it doesnt make it any easier... i want to be at home too..Im missing out on a lot - but love doesnt pay the bills - make sure you have 'time alone' just the 2 of you... have a special activity that only you 2 do...

Nicole - posted on 06/05/2010

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I know how all of you are feeling. I own my own chiropractic office and even though I am around the corner and only work 3 days a week the hours are long and one day is all day Sat. I recently got involved in a company that will change that. It is an internet marketing compnay but I can work when I want and how long I want. So I can have fun with the kids

Amanda - posted on 05/28/2010

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I know how you feel!!! I am a Division Safety Manager for a large company and I am always on-call and working . . answering phones after hours, going back to the shop for things.

I try to carve out as much free time in between and make it meaningful. I bring the kids with me to my office and let them see what type of work I do, let them help me with little things in the office and on the week-ends try to get out a do the things they want like go to the park, ride their bikes, watch a favorite movie or even Lord Forbid . . . have a junk food party!!

We are providing a better lifestyle for them when we work; yet you need to weigh the pros and cons. If your job asks more than you think you can handle right now - maybe it's time for you to make a compromise and move to a less stressful, less demanding job or career field. But if the pros outweigh the every now and then guilt - give yourself a pep talk as to the benefits you are providing for you child!

You're a GREAT Mom for even thinking about this issue and loving your child enough to make the hard decisions :)

Loral - posted on 05/27/2010

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I felt like that in my early years with our girls. I just decided that I chose to have the babies and we had decided that I would stay home, so I just made many TO DO lists and did one thing at a time. It's normal to feel this way. You're doing a great job. Just remember, baby comes first. Take care of baby and then the rest.

Katrina - posted on 05/27/2010

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I recently took a two week leave of absence because it was really hard to leave home everyday. My daughter will be 2 in August and I've worked full time since she has been born. It got to a point where I would cry when she'd cry as I'd walk out the door and it started effecting me at work. Im applied to learn medical transcription so I can work from home by next year!

[deleted account]

You're certainly not neglecting him, but I know how you feel. I am now a work from home mom because it bothered me so much. I started and cultivated a business from home part-time for the first five years of his life and made the move to full-time working from home 10 months ago. If your dream is to spend more time with your child, than all your free time should be spent researching how to make this a reality.

Barbara - posted on 05/27/2010

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I missed my daughter (first born) so much when I went back to work after she was born. It wasn't so much that I felt guilty, but I would rather stay home with her. After my third child was born and I was paying almost as much in daycare as I was bringing home I decided to be a stay-at-home mom. Then I found a great business that I can do from home that works great from both ends! I make money, but still get to spend time with my family. If anyone else wants to do the same--please contact me!

Cassidy - posted on 05/27/2010

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I feel the same way - working full-time, part-time, going to grad. school, and just trying to keep up with chores. I feel like I never get enough time with my son. I just tell myself I am working and sacrificing to make his future that much better.

Gerda - posted on 05/27/2010

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I feel the exact same way as you. I work weekly from 8 to 5 and I also work on saterdays from 8 to 1. I hardly get to see my daughter. I only see my daughter as I get her ready for school in the mornings and then again when I pick her up after work, then its time to make supper, find time to play in between cleaning then I have to get her ready for bed, get her in bed, k thats done, now its time to do laundry, clean where she messed up before bed, and then go to bed at about 11 then wake up at 5:30 again to her school bag ready, me and daddys lunch, get myself readdy and thats it, the only time I get to relax is sundays then still I have to do everything breakfast lunch supper cleaning playing an so it goes on and on. Its tyering. I need a holiday!

[deleted account]

I have experienced both lifestyles. I have stayed home with my daughter until she was 2 and I stayed home with my son until he was1, and to be honest you are working more then a mommy should, and your time is important to your child(ren). I know how busy and humm drum life can feel. You wake up get them ready either send them to school or drop them off at daycare, go to work, work, work, then you come home, make dinner, homework, bath ready for bed, and to sleep until the next day!!! Yikes, where do you get the time? I know, especially these days, money is and can be tight! When I worked this schedule it killed me and tore my insides apart. We were designed by God to be mothers and that is our role and that is why it hurts. Some of us do not have the choice but to work.
This is my suggestion. Do something spontinaious. Whether is be an icecream sunday for dinner, or a 20 min walk before dinner. READING 3 or 4 books before bed. Make the moments together FUN instead of routine. You can still have the routine but make it fun. Maybe on Mondays after work you can take them to the librery. It can be fun and FREE. We do McDonalds Mondays and my kids will get a Happy Meal. It makes them feel special, and they rely on that time, and it is consistant and they look forward to that "Special Time"
I know you will find what works best for you. Good Luck!
FYI, I am now back at home with my kids, and what helps me is selling Tupperware. It has givin me a bit more freedom, and time with my kids. If you are interested you can contact me at www.my2.tupperware.com/hedwards30 Please feel free to ask me anyquestions.

Zama - posted on 05/27/2010

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Working helps me provide a better life for my baby, i do feel like weekends is too short as i dont get enough time with her and i feels she's growing up so quickly and im missing out somehow, but i know im doing something to better her life.

Honie - posted on 05/27/2010

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What do you do because that sounds like a dream job and something I want to look into. We are in the process of strating s home daycare so I can be at home with my 5 month old but the income woujldnt be nearly as much as I make now....

Jessica - posted on 05/27/2010

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I work full time also and I really do feel like I'm not around often enough as a Mom should. I know it has to be done, but it is still hard!

Veronicah - posted on 05/27/2010

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Trisha you are not alone, i feel guilty every time i get to the house and even at times am forced to wake my son to say hey or goodnite. Whenever am early I try to explain to him the nature of work and he seems willing to understand, but its very straneous when he is not feeling well.

Tina - posted on 05/26/2010

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i am a single mom of a 2 year old lil boy and i work and go to school.since i started school and work i have felt like i havent spent enough time with him.it is hard,but i know i am doing what i can to provide a life for him i never had. i have started to look at the time we do have together as quality time.look for the lil things. my son picked me a flower(weed) the other day and just brightened my day.when not at work,try to get quality time in.i have learned that it is the quality time spent together and not the quantity.i wish u luck on finding what helps u.take care.

Natalie - posted on 05/26/2010

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If all Mommies who work and have a child qualified as neglect there would be a ton more children in foster care. You are doing the exact opposite of neglect as well as modeling a good work ethic for your child. I work 8-6 Monday thorugh Friday and have to get down to business with my son by the time I pick him up, doing homework, dinnner and shower before bed. There's not much time for anything more but something as simple as a bedtime story helps to build closeness and talking at dinner about his/her day. Plus the fact that you are concerned that you may be neglecting your child tells me that you are not. I see the effects daily of parents who truly neglect their children.

Kalpana - posted on 05/26/2010

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Hi,
I am working full-time, doing my masters full-time and i have 2 kids 5 and 4 months old. I think there just has to be a balance in taking care of your kids and doing something for yourself. Feeling guilty is a motherly instinct but just think about how much better his life will be because you worked that bit harder.

Don't worry too much. Kids are more resilient than we give them credit for.

Janis - posted on 05/26/2010

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You are doing your best to take care of your child! That is all that matters. it is not the quantity of time spent but the quality of time spent with them. Stay at home mom's do not end up making every moment a quality momemt. Just think back to those special moments you had wiht your parents, it was not that mom worked too much, or that mom was always at school, but those momories were wow, we danced in the living room, or we stayed up late to watch a movie. Just remember the little things make the biggest impressions. Good Luck and keep your head up. You are doing the right thing.

Anna - posted on 05/26/2010

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Yeah I feel the same way. I am working full time and going to school full time. Its hard cuz I feel like I never see my little guy and I'm not there for all the little things that he does. I try not to make any plans for the weekends and if I do, I always take him and we spend the whole weekend together and when I'm home I spend all my time with him. I feel horrible but I'm half way done with school and I just keeping thinking of the end goal, in the end I will have more time. You have to give yourself credit! You work hard and you are doing everything that you can for your kid!

Laurie - posted on 05/26/2010

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I wanted to stay home when my daughter was born, but it wasn't an option. When they get to be about 2, it is good for them to be with other children. My kids are in an excellent daycare that they LOVE. They are learning and interacting socially with kids their age. Makes it much easier for them when it's time to start school. On occasion, I am able to pick them up early or pick up my daughter from school and they want to know why I am there early!! A little sad, but also a very good thing, to know they are happy where they are.

Becca - posted on 05/26/2010

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Oh my gosh, don't feel like it's your fault! Some kids just develope more slowly in some areas than others. I've been told kids who learn to talk later are more artistically and musically gifted than children who speak earlier. There are fringe benefits to these hurdles. It does not equate to being your fault, I sort of understand how you feel though. My six month old can't sit up yet, doesn't crawl yet and can only roll over in one direction and I blame my self for it.

Becca - posted on 05/26/2010

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I say trust your instincts. You're probably both wanting you home more. See what you can cut out of your budget to cut your hours if necessary. I'm considering selling my house and downsizing to a simpler life for that reason

Anne - posted on 05/26/2010

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My children go to the same afterschool program where I work. But I always saw my mother working hard to provide for us and I believe that it gave me a lot of attitudes that I have today. I am independent, dedicated and believe in hard work. I never thought any less of my mother for working all the time and I even grew to admire her for it.

Jennifer - posted on 05/26/2010

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I constantly feel like this, and my kids are now 8 and 5. I just remind myself that I am teaching my children how to work - which is a slowly disappearing thing in today's society, and I look at what I am able to give them because I work. My mom always tells me to remember that it's the QUALITY of the time - not the QUANTITY that matters.

Dawn - posted on 05/26/2010

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I often feel the same way! My kids often inform me that they miss me and Im not spending enough time with them. I have days off during the week so sometimes, I let them stay home from school and we have a "Mommy day"

Ana - posted on 05/26/2010

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I am a working mom and I have never felt any guilt about it. I am teaching both my girls that woman are capable of a lot of things. Love their kids, perform as a professional, do not depend on a man to have a family and still have outstanding happy kids. The sense of independance and role model for them has been very good. Also, my parents money for education wasn't wasted to just put it on the back.

But I do have to add that I work as a software engineer from home. Cook all their meals and work from 7:00 to 3:00. I arrange playdates after that time and we are usually on the go for fun. I am 100% dedicated to them after that time.

Joanne - posted on 05/25/2010

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I agree with all the comments, let's just try to make the most out of the time we spend with our kids. I'm also a working mom with a very busy church schedule after work as well. But I thank God that I am still able to cuddle and feed my baby and see her smiling and mumbling sounds every now and then. Everytime I'm with her, I give out all the love I have for her and I think she can feel it too.... :-)

Mary - posted on 05/25/2010

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Yes I feel like that all the time. I recently just became a full time worker, and before I worked only 3 times a week. It was difficult for myself and my son to get use to my schedule. I then realized he can't have mommy to be around watching all his moves all the time and that he needs to learn to be independent. By working you are showing your child your love to provide them a home and food on the table. They also will learn the reality of life without mom holding their hands. Every night I come home I spend all my time with him by always having dinner with him and talking to him. I also save Sundays for him. We would either go to the park, make pancakes, sit on the patio, or watch a movie. It was his day! I say reserve as much free time you have with them because before you know it they are all grown up.

[deleted account]

I think we all feel like that at some point in our lives and our childrens lives... we have to just belive that we are doing this to give them a better life.........and in the long run it's all worth it. Just spend as much time possible with them and appreciate that time!!!! They grow up fast....

June - posted on 05/25/2010

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I'd have to agree with the rest of the other comments. I too work two jobs I spend mornings with my son and my partner spends evenings with him so we are lucky in that respect but I do feel guilty not being able to say goodnight to him but I also know that I am working for him. Its the only way unfortunately for us.

Leigh - posted on 05/25/2010

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Since I live in an Asian country I am the one that has to have like 6 part time jobs just because I speak English. So I drop my son off at day care in the mornings and then pick him up again at 3 or 5 depending on the day. I hate it cos I know that I want to see him reach all his milestones first hand and always feel guilty. And the worst thing is when I come home I have to cook, clean and tidy and never really have anytime for my son and I hate that. I just want to be able to play with him, not feed him, get him ready for bed.
But the time that I do have with him is fantastic, we play, chase each other around the couch etc. I know that am providing for him but just not in the way I wish I could

Angie - posted on 05/25/2010

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Yes..most of the time. My days are long and we have a long commute. There never seems to be enough time to spend with my son. He's two and having a hard time with talking. While he's in speech therapy...I can't help but feel like it's my fault.

Michelle - posted on 05/25/2010

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As time goes by you get into a routine and it gets easier to be at work and you won't feel as guilty. when youare at home having quality time with your child or children it's a lot more special and your child will se that although he orshe is the most important person in your life, He/she will see as they grow older how important and healthy it is for you to work to pay the bills. You will be a great role model for your child.

Thanuja - posted on 05/25/2010

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This is one area i am so lost. I work from 2 pm to 10:30 pm and due our work timings we hardly meet..Since we have full time nanny cum housekeeper. We have been able to manage. We do make it point to have a date just two of us.. Then we split our time with family.. mom and daughter bonding days, or dad and daughter bonding time.. So just find time to catch up.. and hang on there.. thats all i have to say..: )))

Elaine - posted on 05/25/2010

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My oldest is 21 and youngest is 9. I find that 'quality time' is not just a catch phrase. They remember and cherish the special things you do with them, even if it's a 15 minute increment of time. Like blowing bubbles, watching a movie together, getting a special treat, bike ride...

Nicole - posted on 05/24/2010

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i know i spend to much time away working 45 hours a week but its rewarding to come home to your kids being excited to see u. I just try to make the most of the time I do have with them.

Tanya - posted on 05/24/2010

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I feel guilty, too, even though my son is with my mom. One thing that helps me feel a tiny bit better is pumping for him. If he can't have me, at least he has my milk.

Another thing is that I try to give him a good amount of attention when I am home...of course, some say that spoils them, but there's only so much time between getting home from work and baby bedtime!

Lisa - posted on 05/24/2010

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I hate that I have to work. I hate that my baby is in daycare. I hate that by the time I get off work and get home, my baby is hungry and tired and I miss the best part of the day for her. I live for weekends also and have given up going to the gym, shopping, drinks because I don't' want to give up any more minutes than i already do. My baby is happy and is doing well in daycare but mommy is having a hard time. I wish I didn't need the money.

Merinda - posted on 05/24/2010

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My dear, you not on your own, I have got a mortgage, I wish I didn't have but for the future of my son I have to struggle hard. my son always say to me mummy I want you back, I always cried my eyes. I just pray god that he will understand one day. So don't worry, enjoy every seconds of your time with your child.

Katrina - posted on 05/23/2010

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Oh Trisha, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Mothers and women in general put a lot of pressure and stress on themselves these days. I know exactly what you are going through. I used to work 40+ hours a week in a pressure-cooker law firm and hated every minute I wasn't with my kids. God has blessed our family in that he led me to a wonderful company that has given me the opportunity to work from home and replace my fulltime income. I remember the days sitting in my office wondering what my kids were doing, if they were thinking of me, etc. Just try and make the most of the time you do have together!

Kathie - posted on 05/23/2010

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I have felt the same way you have- my daughter is now 5 so she is able to stay up later- but when she was a baby and I was working 8:30-5:30 I saw her about an hour a day during the week- I feel that if I did not work I would not be able to provide for her the things that she likes- dance class, cheerleading, vacations etc. We just recently moved to a better town for school- If I was a stay at home mom we would have to count every penny and not be able to offer her the "extras" I know it's tough but cherish every moment. If you are able to afford to stay home than do it- but these days most families need the second income- mine includes benefits-

Liz - posted on 05/22/2010

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This past week, because of my schedule, I saw my daughter for ten minutes in a 30 hours period. I cried the whole way to work that day. As hard as that was, I know I am giving her a better life. My husband offered to take up extra shifts at work so I could stay home, but why should he work 70 hours and miss her even more so I get more time? It is all about finding some type of balance. I still cosleep with my daughter, and even though it isnt awake time, I still feel like it is more time for us together.

Brandi - posted on 05/22/2010

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I have dealt with these feelings for 4 years now. My profession is a demanding one. I was working 60 hours a week 6 mths out of a year. I kept telling myself that I was providing for the family, and that it was important for me to work and the guilt was normal and ok.....Last year I finally couldn't take it anymore and started looking into different ways to rearrange my husband and my schedule so that I could be home more. Since my income is 2/3 of our income, it is harder to adjust for. I started a home business 10 mths ago and 2 weeks ago I was able to reduce my work days to just Tuesday Wednesday & Thursday. It wasn't immediate...I had to work up to it, but it was worth it. Now I get to be a part time income provider with full time income and a part time stay at home mommy too~!

Jennifer - posted on 05/22/2010

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i constantly questions if my children would be better off if i could stay at home, but the honest truth is i can't but if i could i probally wouldn't feel the need to try so hard to be a great mom.

Tara - posted on 05/22/2010

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I work from home, and probably get to spend more time with my little 2 1/2 year old son than MOST moms - which I'm grateful for. But, two days per week, I work full-time upstairs at my desk while my little guy plays with his dad. I feel guilty, too. I think we tend to mentally and emotionally beat ourselves up now and then. As other mothers have shared their experiences here, I truly believe it's about quality as much - if not more - than quantity of time spent with our children. When it's "mommy time" be present 100% (or as much as possible). When it's "work time", be as productive as possible, knowing you're contributing to the security of your children's future. It IS about balance...and it's also about recognizing (and reminding yourself consistently about) what you're doing RIGHT. =)

Molly - posted on 05/22/2010

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I feel the same way a lot, too. It's normal to feel guilty if you're financially unable to be a stay-at-home mom and spend all day with your kids. Most moms are in the same situation. I drive transportation for a living, mostly schoolkids, so I'm dealing with yelling and screaming kids all day while driving 200-300 miles on top of it. I'm worn out when I get home and all I want to do is just loaf around on the couch. I don't want to deal with my 5-year-old running around and being loud or with my 5-month-old wanting to be held 24-7. Motherhood is all about balance. You still need "me" time and ime with your husband/boyfriend/etc. It's hard, though, when mothers naturally carry most of the parenting load.

Calli - posted on 05/21/2010

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I feel like that a lot and I really don't like it. I deal with it by spending as much time with my daughter as possible when I am home. So I end up with no "me time" but I figure I will have plenty of time for myself when she gets older. Also, I gave up extra activities at work like extra projects and evening programs. Also gave up drinks after work (which I miss b/c I was around adults) on Fridays but she is worth it. Neglect, in my opinion, is when you don't make the best of the time you have (and, of course, don't meet his basic needs). Quality time vs. Quantity time is what counts.

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