i feel so overwhelmed like i cant get away and get some time for myself i talk to my boyfriend and he takes it personal i dont have any friends and i dont drive i feel like i cant cant do anythind by myself i cant even talk on the phone or sleep in never alot of it may be my fault but i dont feel like things will et done unless i do it im going crazy

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Tiffany - posted on 01/14/2009

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I know how you feel. My son was born in the winter and we only had one car (my husband took it to work everyday) so I was stuck in the house. Talk to your boyfriend about how your feeling, he needs to try to understand how you feel. My husband and I take turns geting up early with our son and try to split the housekeeping duties, remember your a team. If you have family close by ask for their help. Use every resource you have and you will get through it. Everyone needs a break sometime.



Best wishes!!!!!!!!!

Pam - posted on 01/13/2009

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someone once told me that we are like pitchers of koolaid.  If we get empty from puoring ouselves out to everyone, then we cna not help anyone anymore. we have to refil the pitcher.  Try to do even little things.  take a half hour to yourself each day.  I always did something at home but I made sure that I did it at the same time every day.  Pretty soon they learned it was my time.  heI had to be pretty tough at first telling them "that this is my time I will hel lp you  ____.  if they were young I woulod show them the clock and tell them  to watch for the hand to get to the number.  Also when they were small, I set them up with a " project" before I went into the other room.  Like coloring something or even a movie.  



something else that helped me was that I put my chores on a schedule.  I cleaned the kitchen on MOn.  Vacuum on Tues. , Bathrrooms on Wed.  I only clean one area each day.  If they got messed up the other days I left it alone.  This was hard to get used to becuase the house isn't always neat, but it took a lot of stress off me. 

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you mentioned that you don't drive- why don't you try and take a walk every day? Even if you put your kids in the stroller and take them with you, you can wear your headphones (make sure you can still hear the kids though) and daydream a bit while walking. when I went through a time of depression my mom gave me this advice and it really helped.
I did go to a therapist for a while too and that helped as well. Do so if you can!

User - posted on 01/12/2009

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Hey there. Is there a mother and toddler group in your area? You don't mention how old your children are but when I was on maternity leave it felt like the whole world had kept on turning and I was standing still. Get in touch with a community nurse of someone like that and they generally point women in the right direction. You don't need a car hunny, it just takes a bit of woman's creativity and things will start to pan out. I find sometimes it help to write things down, would you be inclined to write your boyfriend a letter?? It gives you time to think about what you want to say clearly and he can read it properly before getting worked up. Be sure to write that these are only your thoughts and feelings, men are sensative creatures!!

Having babies is a major life change. Don't underestimate how different things have become. Listen to what is going on inside you and like these other mum's have already said, its so important to go to the doctor in the early stages of depression if that is what maybe wrong.

I hope things work out for you love. Best of luck xx

Sallyann - posted on 01/11/2009

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hi  im sal ,your a mum ,a partner BUT  you have a right to be you ,i feel the same but my boyfraind is understanding he needs to stop being selfish xx i have 4 kids work 20 plus hours a week i dont get out often but i work in a pub so i get  a social life [sort of] but i would love time to maybe go swimming or  dancing or something less energetic  hehe ,i have just got over depression i gave myself a good kick up the arse and told myself im worth more ,,i love my kids and boyfraind to bits but we were given life so we should be able to enjoy it ,,so sit your boyfraind down be honest ,,,and tell him and make him listen ,ask him for his help and visit the doctor it may be delayed post natel depression my fraind had it her daughter was 1  ,promis yourself  a hobbie ,try please or you will regret it as things may worsen xxchin up hope all goes ok  keep in touch im here if needed xx

Beth - posted on 01/11/2009

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Your feeling overwhelmed thats for sure. If your boyfriend takes it personal because you want to take an hour to yourself, who cares. Let him, he'll get over it. You need time to yourself to regroup your thoughts and ideas. If he cant understand that then its him who has the problem. He will see a difference in you if he gives you the chance to be alone for just a bit of time here and there. Im sure your like all other mothers, girlfriends, wives, etc in the fact that we never stop thinking about the other person/s. I dont make a lot of money but i decided that since I turned 40 this year that it was time i did something for myself weather anyone else likes it or not. So i started going twice a month to get a massage. It cost me 60 dollars a month. If I dont deserve that then too bad, im going to do it anyway. It helps me out and gives me a chance to really relax. Its the one thing that i truly do for myself by myself. And it also gets me out of the house, makes me feel wonderful and recharged. My point is, that you must just TAKE the time you require to recharge. Nobody will be neglected because you take an hour a week to yourself.

Hayley - posted on 01/08/2009

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Oh sweetheart. Carm down. I know you've already read this but maybe you should speak to your doctor or health worker. I've had depression for years especially when my eldest was a baby and I felt as if the entire world was against me. Try not to feel bad for setting some time aside for yourself or allowing others to help you. Its hard at first but gradually you start to realise how needed it is. The world won't end if the washing up is left for a few more hours although I know it feels like it will.Try to set aside some for yourself each day, even if it is just half an hour, and just sit in your yard or or walk or read, anything but something for you. I understand exactly how you feel sweetie and you can find me here if you need to talk more. xxxx

Helen - posted on 01/08/2009

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oh dear - i know how you feel some days are really tough especially as my little boy doesn't sleep - i think gina is right you may have pnd - speak to your doctor.

Is there a sure start in your area? I found that helped to take my little boy to the play group just to talk to other moms which helped

Gina - posted on 01/07/2009

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Awww... i'm not sure what age your kids are, but the best thing to do is to keep calm, the more calm you are the more calm everyone/thing around you will be. I know it sounds easier said than done. Otherwise, if you really feel that won't/doesnt work...go to the doctor, it could be depression.

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