I have a 16 month old and she likes to sleep half the night then get in bed with us and i dont know what to do about getting her to sleep in her own bed all night

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Kate - posted on 01/06/2009

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We only have 2 bedrooms with a 4 and 2 year old sharing a room - disaster when one of them is sick and keeping the other up all night.  We took apart the toddler bed, put a "big boy" bed in the kid's room for the 4 year old and then leave the toddler mattress within easy reach (shoved under our bed) for nighttime visitors.  They get to be in our room, but not in our bed.

Jessica - posted on 01/06/2009

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I have a 2 and a 3 year old who both do the same thing.  Sometime in the middle of the night they eventually end up in bed with my husband and I.  At first I was struggling with what to do because as you see everyone has their own thoughts on the subject, but I decided to put all of that aside and think about what works for my family. Our little girls wont be climbing in our bed when they are in high school so for now I let them snuggle with us.  I remember being little and always wanting to sleep with my parents, there is something about it that makes them feel secure and safe, as well as loved.  Yes it is a little crowded and a lot uncomfortable, but I am going to enjoy the closeness for now and get a king size bed!  As for time with my husband, our time starts when the kids are in bed and that is the priority, over the dishes, over the laundry or anything else that needs doing.  Do what's best for you and your husband and don't let anyone make you feel wrong about your decision.  Good Luck 

Brianne - posted on 01/05/2009

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My little girl has slept throught the night since she was 7 weeks so I am not the best person to give advise but I have never let my daughter sleep in our bed. I really love to have a private space with my husband and our bed is that space. In the morning she can come and have a cuddle but night time is for sleeping in your own bed/crib. When it is bed time she goes around kissing everyone goodnight. We then get her blankie, a bottle and head to her room. She puts her arms up and I lift her into bed. I cover her with her blankie, give her her bottle and sing her a goodnight song I wrote for her. Then I turn off the lights and shut the door. I dont go back untill she calls me in the morning. Some nights she will sit up playing in her crib for 2 hours before she puts herself to sleep. She has 3 dollys in her crip that sing and light up so she loves to watch them in the dark. I dont know if this is helping but its what has worked for me. Good luck!!

Cheryl - posted on 01/05/2009

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I am in the same boat. I am ready to put in the work to end my half nights of sleep, but Daddy on the other hand loves his time in bed with "his little man". We both work until 10 and 11pm so when we do fall asleep he is up with in a hour. Just get on the same page with your hubby and they say it is easier once the two of you have your minds made up. Good luck!

Kristin - posted on 01/05/2009

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The Consumer Product Safety Commission reported over 500 deaths associated with bed sharing in children up to 2 years of age between 1990 and 1997. The younger the baby, the greater the danger. All the deaths from “overlying” and almost 90 percent of deaths from entrapment were in children less than 12 months old. There are also studies that show parents sometimes use this an excuse to avoid physical / emotional intimacy between husband/wife. This can be terrible for a persons marriage. Sometimes night time is the only time mom and dad have alone with peace and quiet and allowing the child to disrupt that is unhealthy. Mom and dad's room needs to be just that...mom and dad's room. Co-sleeping, the actual term for it, is not widely accepted by the medical community for a reason. The American Academy of Pediatrics has a clear stand on co-sleeping: They believe that a crib is the safest place for a baby to sleep and advise against bed-sharing, especially during a child's first six months. Michel Cohen, M.D., author of "The New Basics: A-to-Z Baby & Child Care for the Modern Parent," acknowledges that research has shown that co-sleeping can increase a baby's risk of suffocation. I guess I'm not real clear on who co-sleeping benefits? Maybe mom, but certainly not good for the marriage or good for the child and with all the government and medical warnings against it, it surprised me that so many people do it. Your child's safety shoudl be the number 1 concern at all times. On average, there are 60 infant deaths reported per year due to co-sleeping.



U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) warns parents not to place their children to sleep in adult beds, stating that the practice puts them at risk of suffocation and strangulation. And the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) agrees.



So why again does anyone EVER let a child sleep in their bed? if it's bad for baby, bad for marraige...what are the good parts and who does it benefit????

Shannon - posted on 01/04/2009

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First you have to decide what you really want. I didn't care and enjoyed sleeping next to my little one, however my husband did not. Until you are 100 percent sure that you want her out, don't try because it won't work. I got good sleep next my kid and didn't worry about him during the night when I was with him. It is a lot of work to get them out and I slept worse- make sure it is what you want.

Kristin - posted on 12/31/2008

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In Pine Island, MN a child was suffocated to DEATH when mommy rolled over and killed him in the middle of the night...now can you imagine if that happened???

Kristin - posted on 12/31/2008

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Why does she even have a choice? My child has NEVER slept in our bed and never will. you aren't doing them any harm by saying no. You start this habit at a young age, it is very very hard to break. Persistently put her back in her own bed, no matter if it takes hours, she'll think twice the second night around when she understand there is a no tolerance policy. I know you will feel like the meanest mom in the world, but you are doing her a favor by setting guidelines and rules at a young age :) Good luck!

Wendy - posted on 12/31/2008

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No real advise. My eldest slept in our bed until she was 3 and a half! Then we had to explain to her that mommy and daddy also need mommy daddy time or else we might not be happy. My youngest we put in his own room at 10.5 months when he stopped breastfeeding and I did the get up and go to his room thing till he was used to sleeping in his own room, more work in the beginning but so worth it now as he sleeps right through the night and we finally have the bed to ourselves. Really just sympathizing with you.

Laura - posted on 12/31/2008

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After reading the other replies to this question it's like I am reading my own words from about 3 months ago. I completely understand how nice it is to get in that snuggle time but it is very important to have your children sleeping in their own beds. Everyone in the house needs a good night sleep and our husbands need our attention too. The only way to achieve this is to have our kids in their own rooms. It is not easy to let the kids cry it out and it totally broke my heart to let my son go thru it but in the end it was so worth it! He now sleeps every night in his own bed...everyone is getting proper sleep and my relationship with my hubby is better than ever! Trust me girls....it's worth the work!

Dawn - posted on 12/31/2008

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My son is 26 months old and he does the same, he used to sleep on his own in his own bed all night. Just before his 2nd birthday he was very ill with his chest and was waking alot during the night. As both me and my hubby work full time we found it easier to put my son in bed with us, what a huge mistake, we can not get him out of this now. If he is asleep before us he will sleep in his own bed until about 1-2am and then come into ours, I try to wait until he is asleep and then move him back to his bed but no matter how long I leave it he always wakes up. I was going to use the time over xmas to try and tech him to sleep in his own bed but he has been very ill again with chicken pox. I don't want to leave him to cry to sleep. When I read your question it was almost if it was me who wrote it. I don't know what to try. As Traci said why not just leave them, I do like waking with him next to me but he fidgets all night and I am worried that none of us are getting a good nights sleep. I am also 10 wks pregnant with my second and I don't want my son in bed with us kicking my belly in the night when I get bigger.

Traci - posted on 12/25/2008

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My 17 month old does the same thing - at the same hour!!! We're in the process of renovativing our house (for over a year now) and have had her in our room since she was born. When she wakes up @ 3 am, my husband brings her to our bed and she goes right to sleep. I work a swing-shift at work, 2 midnights a week. I have also picked up his habit and love sleeping next to her. This, of course, does NOTHING for my relationship w/ the husband. I figure we won't have this time w/ her forever - and until the house is finished - enjoy. I'm sure not everyone agrees with this, but for now, I am loving waking up with her. Time goes too fast!

Laura - posted on 12/24/2008

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We had the same issue with our middle son. He would go to bed and then at about 3 am he would wake up and refuse to go back to sleep without me. I wasn't ever getting a good sleep and that was taking its toll on the other aspects of my life. One night before bed I spoke to him about how he was a "big boy" and that he needs to sleep in his own bed for the whole night. He didn't seem to happy about this but I told him that if he gets up in the night that he would have to go back to his own bed from now on. Sure enough he woke up about 3 am that night and I took him back to bed without laying with him...he was very upset and cried a bit but I stood my ground. Within 2 nights of getting up and putting him back to bed...it must have been 200 times the first night and about 50 times the second night....he got the picture that I was not going to give in and now he sleeps every night straight thru!!!! I also used a great deal of praise the first night he slept all night and that seemed to help.
Hope you get some good rest soon!
Good Luck!

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