is it unfair on my child to go back to work full time

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Gabrielle - posted on 06/10/2009

516

14

61

I don't think so. I went back to work, to fulfill my career and personal needs, which makes me a happier person, which makes me a better mom. My daughter loves her daycare, learns a lot, and has made some great friends. We've also made some good friends with the parents there, which gives us a new circle of people to socialize with. Working allows me to not only pay for daycare but also add to our savings, which is very important right now. You just have to decide what is right for you and your family.

22 Comments

View replies by

Erica - posted on 06/24/2009

421

28

72

I'm a new mom Caroline is only 2months and I've been back now 3 weeks and I love the day care she is at, they let me stop in on my lunch and sit with her, they also supply a way for me to watch her from my computer at work. They send home notes with every bottle she had and every diaper change and if it was wet or dirty. They also make notes like "got lots of smiles today" "seemed really sleepy!" which I love because I'm not there for 8 hours what did she do all day?!?!?! I'm 25 and work for a wealth management company that is family owned they were willing to work with my schedule and let me leave a little early on days my husband works nights so we have a few min. together as a family.

We have to work any more, A to keep up financially (pay for all those crazy hospital bills!) and B. to keep ourselves sane! We need adult interaction as much as our children need to play with other children. I look at it this way, I'm getting what me and my family need by working and Caroline is getting what she needs by socializing with children her age. It's win - win as far as I'm concerned.

Yes I miss her but I also know it's what is for the best

Christian - posted on 06/23/2009

19

45

2

I dont think that it is. It is hard though, I just went back to work last month after being home with my 9 1/2 month old every day since he was born. It is definitely a transition, but when you need an income you have to settle for what is offered.

Eva - posted on 06/22/2009

16

11

1

No it's not. It will actually make things easier on them in the future especially when it is time to go to school and will make them more independent.

Sharon - posted on 06/21/2009

7

0

1

I wouldn't want to leave my child to work outside the house -- not if I didn't have to. Besides, there are plenty of work at home opportunties available that one can get involved with.

Tania - posted on 06/21/2009

1

7

0

Hi,



I think not, sometimes you as the person, not the mom, needs to work and that's okay. Just love them and be 100% conscious when you are with them.

Jocelyn - posted on 06/20/2009

2

4

0

I absolutely agree with some of the posts about the benefits of working outside the home for both you AND your child. I was home for a year on maternity leave, and cherished that time with my daughter, but towards the end, despite my best efforts to be active and involved, we were both getting bored. I feel more fulfilled having a career, and my daughter loves daycare. I think its good for them to have a different environment, different activities and other children around. She's happy, learning a lot, and socializing. The key is to find quality daycare; a caregiver you and your child are comfortable with, and a stimulating, structured environment. If you find the right place, and give yourselves some time to adjust, it is more that "fair" to your child, it can be a great benefit to you both. All the best!!

Melissa - posted on 06/20/2009

2

20

0

I went back to full time work after 12 weeks, my partner brought her up while I was at work during the day and I took over when I got home, I valued the time I spent with her so much more. My partner now works evenings and I still work during the day. I went back to work for a number of reasons and the main one being money, and since I went back I have gone up with in the company and been promoted! They was sure I wouldn't return when I started my maternity leave. My partner does lots of activities with my daughter during the day and I watch her on the web-cam during my breaks at work. I love doing the bedtime role with her as this is mine and her special time just Mummy and Isobel. She is now 2 and a half and now tries to play mummy and daddy a little i.e when daddy says no she ask mummy when mummy gets home but I think this is normal for all children. Only you know if you can go back to work or not, for some mum's it right and other it's not. I do know when I have another and I am trying at the moment I will be returning to work after. It does not mean you love them any less because you are a full time mum you are just trying to provide for them and give them all they need. Good luck what ever you decide if you would like to know any more message me xxxxxxxx

Stephanie - posted on 06/17/2009

44

23

0

As long as your child has a wonderful care giver or daycare (especially one you are comfortable with) you should go back full time. I did with both of my kids, first one after 3 weeks & second one after 2 weeks. And I don't regret it a bit.

[deleted account]

Absolutely not! When I was pregnant with my son I was convinced that I was going to be "Super Mom." You know the one: stays at home raising her kids, while still managing to clean the house every day, do all the laundry, have dinner on the table by 5:30 and still have the energy to make love to her husband after the kids are bathed and tucked into bed. HA! What a joke! I was miserable! I decided while I was pregnant with my 2nd child that I would go back to work when she was 2 months old. Staying at home with kids is good for some people, but I felt like I was trapped. I need adult interaction (other than "mommy groups"...some of those moms creep me out), and staying at home made me almost resent my kids because I felt like I was missing out. Don't feel like a bad person. My kids and I are so much happier since I went back to work...it's forced us to make the most of our time together!

Judy - posted on 06/14/2009

1

1

0

I have a 12 y.o. son and an 6 y.o. daughter and have a professional career. My best years in my career have been since the my fist was born. I struggled for a moment when he was born and other women tried to make me feel guilty. I prayed about it and realized that it was fine for me and my family. Me and my husband did what I was comfortable for their care when they were young (family member came to the house until 20 months) then put them in daycare. I juggle alot and I travel for work but never miss my son's football and basketball games... he wants me there and I want to be there. I also take my daughter to swim, dance, soccer and track. I have a wonderful relationship with my kids and my husband is a BIG part in their lives. He has a career too but WE WORK TOGETHER FOR THE KIDS. They know who their parents are because we are there for them. It is all good!!!!

Allie - posted on 06/12/2009

36

23

3

NO i had this dilemma after my son was born but was told by a very god friend that I would be happier and more fulfilled if I returned to the career that I love and my time with my son was more special. I firmly believe that I am a better mother because of it.

Lisa - posted on 06/12/2009

6

54

0

I don't think it is because your doing what you have to for you and your family.

Esther - posted on 06/11/2009

3,513

32

144

I agree with all the other posters. I work full-time and although, as Tracy said, it can be a difficult juggling act, I in no way feel like I'm short-changing my son. I always put his needs first so I'm home when he needs me to be (when he's not feeling well etc.) , when I'm home with him I make sure there are no distractions and we really have some quality time that is totally devoted to him, and we made sure we picked a really great daycare center for him. He loves being at his daycare, all the teachers dote on him and it has really done a lot for his development (when I see him with my friend's son who is 9 months older than him but stays home with grandma, he is at pretty much the exact same level in terms of motor skills, language etc.). They have also been a great support system for me as a first time mom (answering my many questions, helping me get him on a schedule, transitioning him from two naps to one ...). In addition, our family needs the money, I like my job and it's nice to have a life outside the home and some regular adult conversations. I also second Tracy on the comment on men. We have a working moms group in my office who get together for lunch every week and we agonize over having to work late on occassion or having to go on business trips (which fortunately I never have to do). Men don't think twice about these things! The double standard is alive & well.

Tracy - posted on 06/11/2009

8

27

0

Does anyone ask a man if he is a bad father for working? You're not a bad mom or being unfair if you feel more complete working. The balance is tough, though.

Clare - posted on 06/11/2009

12

15

1

thank you for your input guys, i understand that like anything else i am putting my daughters needs first.. and it will make time that we do spend together even more special..ie the weekends. and also like alot of you said gives you that time for your self, thank you again.........

Jill - posted on 06/10/2009

96

6

2

I have a 3 yr old and one due July 30th. I"m planning on taking my Maternity Leave and then going back to work. Aside from having a two income family, I feel like work gives me the sense of accomplishment that I personally need outside of the family. I absolutely love my day care worker and I feel my daughter has learned so much more by being around children of various ages. She even "helped" out with one of the infants and so she's so excited abotu "helping" with her new brother or sister. I used to be worried about not being there all the time but I've realized that she's as comfortable there as she is with me.

Hope - posted on 06/10/2009

1

0

0

I am currently working and my baby is 8 mo's old and i have another daughter that is 6 yers old and i definitely want to be a stay at home mom. i try to volunteer in my daughters class and not miss moments, so that is my take on it. i think its most definitely a personal decision and all in what makes you tick. good luck!

Tameka - posted on 06/10/2009

1

9

0

I definately feel as like one or both parents should do something that they love outside of kids just to give life balance and it also keeps the relationship with your children healthy.

Ramona - posted on 06/10/2009

7

7

1

I've always worked and I noticed that my daughters never had a problem they love their daycare provider and learn tons from older children at daycare. Also because I am a single mom it has shown my girls that they can be independent and self sufficient and they are proud of my accomplishments.

Clare - posted on 06/10/2009

12

15

1

thank you so much for your advice, you have put exactly what i need to hear thank you again

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms