ok. Here it goes!

Heidi - posted on 12/10/2008 ( 17 moms have responded )

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My son is now 18 months old and we still rock him to sleep and if he wakes up in the night we go running into his room to rock him some more and if he doesn't want to go back to sleep in his crib then we bring him to bed. He also does not go to bed unitl 9-9:30pm at night. So from all the nanny 911 and super nanny we watch we know that we are allowing Elliot to pull our strings! We give into every cry...blah...blah! So I feel like a horrible mother! My husband and I have no time to ourselves anymore and I am lucky if I get 1/2 an hour to myself throughout my entire day! I am going to lose my mind and I feel guilty b/c there are days when I just pray that I had my life back!~ Please help! How do I stop feeling guilty for everything (working/his crying...ect.) I feel pathetic b/c I am such a pushover!

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Melissa - posted on 12/16/2008

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you definitely need "you" time. put the baby in a crib, playpen, swing... even their high chair (if you can buckle them in)... with a toy, book or something... i find that if i do this even for a few minutes a day it helps me to keep my sanity. i also let my daughter 'play' in her own room for a few minutes each day, so she's more comfortable in that room... i do let her lay with me (on the couch) for a little bit in the evenings (used to be every night and now it is 3-4x a week) for mommy cuddle time... but then it is "nigh nigh" and we go in her room, turn the radio on, the light off... and in she goes. she is 27 months old.

i'm not a huge - let them cry it out person... but i do think that there are things you can do at other times during the day/evening to get your sanity back and to teach them that you don't have to be there EVERY single minute of the day!

ps. i'm a single mom of one daughter.

Heidi - posted on 12/16/2008

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THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU..........for all of the advice! I obviously was having a bad day that day! However this is something I definitely have to work on! But hthanks and have a happy holidays to all!

Annemarie - posted on 12/15/2008

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Read this book...Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child...by Dr. WeissBluth (I think that's right). We used the "let cry" method in this book with our second child and I have strictly held to her bedtimes and it only took 2 nights of "let cry" and she was totally trained. We now use a bedtime routine that doesn't include any food or drinks to eliminate the nighttime drinks, and my (now 2year old) sleeps from 7:30pm till 6am every night, its like a miracle. Kids benefit from having rested parents and from getting the quality rest the desperately need, but most parents aren't strong or strict enough with bedtimes to give them. You Can Do IT!!!

Dawn - posted on 12/15/2008

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and BTW all parents are a pushover at some point so don't worry, if it is not this then it will be something else, you are learning as well as your son.

Dawn - posted on 12/15/2008

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My son is 25 months old and about a month ago he was quite ill with his breathing so he slept in our bed for 3 nights, now he wont sleep in his own. We have sniggle time before bed, so I am not rocking him, we just lay one the sofa and have a cuddle and he falls asleep. I don't think we will ever get him out of that. I am going to try at xmas to get him to sleep in his bed by doing a similar thing, he does sleep in there until he wakes and then he walks into our room and climbs into bed, sometimes I dont even feel him do it. what I am planning to do is when I feel him in our bed, take him back to his room and cuddle him until he goes back to sleep. we will see how it goes, if not I will change my plan. As one of the other mums said the same thing does not work for everybody and you have to find out what works best for you. About the time to yourself don't you have parents of friends that can have your son for a few hours or even overnight?

Danielle - posted on 12/14/2008

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Don't worry. I did the same thing when my daughter was younger. One thing I learned from all the books I read on the subject is that sometimes YOU need to come first. If you're not in your best state then how on earth are you supposed to keep your baby happy? Try a play pen or a swing during the day to keep him occupied for awhile. Turn on cartoons or a animated movie. You'll find he'll like some shows/movies more than others so pay attention. Since he's 18 months make sure you strap him into his swing, because my daughter always tries to escape even though she loves it. During that time you're free to rest, primp, relax, etc.



Bedtime is the time you set. No one can tell you a proper time to put your child down. My daughter's bedtime is 9pm and she sleeps through the night and wakes up at a resonable time in the morning. You just have to work with your son to see what times work best for you and your schedule. There's nothing wrong with rocking him to sleep; however, he shouldn't have to depend upon it. Try putting him in his crib when you know he's tired (or at bedtime) and see if he can babble himself to sleep. Letting him cry a little is fine. All babies need to cry sometimes. If you run right to him everytime, he'll never figure out how to sooth himself. During the night try letting him cry for awhile before you go in to check on him. When you do go in, rub his head or sing to him. DON"T PICK HIM UP! Once you pick them up they think it's time for play. Don't turn the lights on and don't make too much noise.



Of course this method isn't good for everyone so don't feel bad if you don't like it. i actually didn't like it at first when i tried it because it broke my heart to hear my daughter cry, but after a couple painstaking tries she got the picture and has no problem falling asleep.

Sara - posted on 12/11/2008

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First off, do not feel bad!

Every mother goes through this. I used to feel like Iwas torturing my daughter by letting her cry. I wasn't,lol. You do have to be firm though and seeing that he is 18 months he can understand some things. Explain that this his his bed/crib and he needs to sleep there and Mommy and Daddy sleep in there bed. Children are very smart and they know that when they cry they will get there way, and obviously he knows this. Tough it out, it will get easier! About the bedtime schedule, what I did with my daughter when I decided she needed to go to bed earlier. I would gradually put her in bed a little earlier every night. Maybe 15-20 minutes earlier every couple of days, until I got to the time that I wanted!

Tia - posted on 12/11/2008

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Make time for ur self honey..children can see your anxiety, unhappyness, if your moody at all they see that and it can affect them. Don't feel guilty!! You are a great mom because at least u do feel guilty so we all know u care..and if u give in i will guarantee you he's gonna be a little spoiled stinker about other stuff as well! My niece is a well she's not very nice and she's 2 and she got her way on everything!! Good luck hun.

Maria - posted on 12/10/2008

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i still go in 2 my son and he's 3 if he wakes in the night i go in and sit there till he goesd a sleep and when he goes to bed at night i read him stories untill hes asleep i have tried creeping away but he kicks up, but i am gonna try leaving him soon, i wudnt worry aboput it ur nt a horrible mum

Candace - posted on 12/10/2008

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Number 1. You are a WONDERFUL MOTHER! (repeat it to yourself outloud--but say "I am" :o) number 2. Night time is totally different from day time. Most attachment type lactation consultants will tell you kids don't sleep thru the night till they are 4 or 5. So you're doing great! The super nanny has good points but they aren't for everyone, notice how each show she does something different with each family? That's b/c each family is different. My husband and I don't get home till 8p.m. so we want to hang with our daughter so she doesn't fall asleep till around 9 either. That just works for us. As far as getting time to yourself during the day....that's when you may want to set some boundaries. If you can have someone stay with your son (even if it's while he's napping) and just take a walk around the block! My hubby and I have been cherishing the 1/2 rite after she goes to bed to talk or just sit on the couch together and say nothing! It IS important to take care of YOU b/c you take care of your son. (You know the whole oxygen mask thing on the plane? You've got to put yours on and then your child's) So make just little changes and each week will get better. Above all....it's YOUR life, no matter what family, friends, the internet or TV tells you: Do what you and your husband FEEL is rite and you'll always be ok. Good luck and guess what? He won't WANT to sleep with you sooner than you think so enjoy his bedtime snuggles (or elbows to the face) while they are there! (still doubtful? Repeat Number 1.)

Jenee - posted on 12/10/2008

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I had my child at 36 and will probably not have another one (I am now a single mom, work fulltime, getting my Masters) so I look at it in a different way. I still rock my 2 year old to sleep. That is my quiet time with her to look her in the eyes and soak in the moment. She sleeps in a twin bed, but I have a bed next to hers. When she fusses (which isn't too often) I comfort her. Will I be doing this when she is 13? I don't know. I live for the moment and cherish every moment with her. I had 36 years to travel, socialize, etc, so now is her moment. Never feel guilty for wishing you had your life back. We ALL go through that.

Ceara - posted on 12/10/2008

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Well, you're not alone. My 16 month old is still waking up at night to nurse. Sometimes, only once. On bad nights? 4 times. And he has an older sister and 2 working parents. I'm hoping to wean him while I'm off at Christmas as I'm tired and I realize that it's a habit, not a need.

However, that being said, we just can't "cry-it-out". It's not in my nature, nor my husbands. I've talked to many people, almost clobbered a public health nurse that made me feel super guilty, and we're going to make it through this another way. I've picked up the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley and we're putting some things in to action. The best thing about her is that she straight with you, a mother of 4, and her best philosophy is that if it's working for you, great, if it's not, here's a bunch of great tips to try to change things.

Best of luck to you, and hopefully, you and I will both get some sleep soon!

Take Care!

Kelli - posted on 12/10/2008

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Well, I have 2 small children (2yr old girl & 10 month old son) and they both are cry babies! The thing is, I've learned to tune them out when I know they don't need anything. I had to learn a long time ago that if I jump every time one of them starts to fuss then they will drive me crazy and I will never get anything done. I am a mom who works full time, watch my neices for a couple hrs when I get off, then have to go home and get everybody fed, cleaned, and ready for the next day! To top it all off I'm getting ready to start back school. So with that said, I don't feel guilty about ignoring them when they throw tantrums and whine for absolutely no reason at all. You shouldn't either. If you've fed him, made sure he's clean, and given him toys or something to do while you do your chores then he should be good to go. If not then you may have to show some tough love and let him cry a little bit. He'll get tired of it eventually. Don't start the habit of abandoning yourself and your needs every time he whimpers b/c you'll never have peace. As far as the rocking to sleep thing, I recommend you stop that quickly! Let him play until he tires himself out! He'll welcome the bed when it's time to sleep. Again, you will continue to have a situation on your hands if you keep rocking him to sleep. He's old enough now to sleep all night and if he's not it's probably because he wakes up and realizes no one's with him. Break the habit now!!! Try making him go to sleep on his own before naptime first and see how that works.

Lori - posted on 12/10/2008

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First of all, you are not a horrible mother because you nurture and care for your son. You are giving him love and comfort, which is not a bad thing, but might set some difficult habits to break since he's used to you helping him to sleep. Difficult, but not impossible ... I'm not a "cry it out" mom at all and have struggled with multiple wakings with my 13 month old, or him not wanting to go back to sleep and crying every time I put him back down in his crib. Sometimes I've had to just let him work it out himself, but he typically goes to sleep pretty well on his own so I know he can do it and so does he. You'll need to let your son know that he can sleep on his own and coach him through the transition ... Dr. Sears is a great resource for parenting (www.askdrsears.com) and probably has some suggestions there. We play music and my son has a stuffed animal & light up glo worm that comfort him, he goes to sleep great & when he wakes up we go in and soothe him by patting his back or giving him one of those toys but try not to pick him up (which, of course doesn't always work - I'm a sucker too!). There's certainly no one right way (don't let those nanny shows tell you otherwise!) but consistency is key - you've been consistent in your response so far, so you'll need to be consistent if you change it. Definitely try getting him to sleep earlier if you can - I cherish the time after 8 when my son is asleep! You'll get time for your hubby & yourself. A nice long both every night wears my son out & lets him know it's time for bed. Whatever you decide to do don't beat yourself up! Your son loves you and you are doing your best to show him that, and I personally think that's the sign of a great mother!

Alexis - posted on 12/10/2008

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I just went through this with my son. He will be a year old at the end of this month and he was still getting up two to three times/night. Very hard on a working mom and dad. He wouldn't go back to sleep unless he had a bottle. (we tried back rubbing, pacifier, snuggling, etc.) I heard that when kids reach nine or ten months they need the same routine to go to sleep every time they wake up. So...if they had a bottle/cup before bed they need the same in the middle of the night. My husband and I decided to eliminate at least one wake up. We let him cry it out (nearly killed me) while checking on him every ten minutes. He cried for forty five minutes the first night and an hour the next. I wasn't sure if I could do it, but since then (only took those two nights) he has been sleeping through the night. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but now we are all well rested and happier. It's hard not to feel guilty because you love your baby so much, but your son will benefit from having a well rested mother. Good luck!

Kris - posted on 12/10/2008

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Oh, I am sorry to hear that you feel so bad! I think that there is a time in every mothers life that she feels guilty for something or another. 1) letting her child cry himself/herself to sleep. 2) Tough Love! 3) Working and not being at home with them 4) Spending the evening out with your spouse without the children.

There is no easy way to not feel guilty or bad. You need to be firm. Your 18 month old is starting to understand alot of what you are telling him. Just explain as before you put him to bed that he needs to stay in crib all night. You are going to have to try the tough love and let him cry it out. Try it on a weekend so that both you and your husband aren't pulling your hair out during the week. That is the only advise I can give you. We are having to do this with our 3 year old. He has decided he is to scared to sleep in his own bed and room at night. There are some night he cries himself to sleep. I am so sad to see him cry like that. I wish you luck.



Kris Munson

Work At Home United!

No Selling, No Parties, No Inventory, No Risk!!!

For More info: www.workathomeunited.com/krismunson

Amber - posted on 12/10/2008

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he's your baby--don't feel bad! why not let him sleep with you? why not just go with the flow? maybe if you didn't watch those silly shoes (where everything magically gets resolved...) you wouldn't feel like you needed to change things up? there's nothing wrong with taking some 'me time' but remember, kids don't understand that. if you're there, you should be loving on him! paying attention to him! if you're in the line of sight, it's game on. try taking your 'me time' away from home. maybe i'm totally wrong, but you only get a few precious years with them...after that you can do whatever you want, whenever you want. **hope it helps**

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