Please help me

Michelle - posted on 08/06/2009 ( 47 moms have responded )

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How can i get my daughter to go to bed when i tell her to please help my friends

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Susan - posted on 08/23/2009

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When you put her back in bed after the first time....do not make conversation with her. That is extremely important,,,you do not want to engage as that gives her an opening. The first time say it is time for sleep...I love you....the second time pick her up and put her in....in may take a couple of hours the first time but gets better each night..good luck

Samantha - posted on 08/22/2009

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I have that problem with my 4 year old and Thank God it is slowly resolving. I have noticed that consistency is the key! You have to stick to your guns. In psychology I learned that it takes the human body 31 days to get used to a habit or break one. So for an entire month you are going to have to stick to the plan. So far I have been doing this for a week and the first 3 days were the most difficult, but its working. By 8:30pm my kids are bathed and I put them in bed and read them 2 books of their choice, and I make sure that throughout every routine beginning with the bath I repeat it many times, that after I finish reading to them the lights are going off and they have to go to sleep. So because I keep saying it over and over again, they know what to expect, and once I'm done, THATS IT! lights out, I kiss them and I leave with the door closed behind me. The first few nights he cried for a little bit, but I ignored it, he stopped after about 3-5 minutes and when I went to check on them, they were both sound asleep. Keep in mind, kids like consistency, and knowing what to expect. You just have to stick to the plan. I hope this helps and Good Luck!

Sandra - posted on 08/21/2009

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I have taken to putting my son in his room with either a movie or music and a small healthy snack about an hour before I want him to go out ... works like a charm for him.

Ashley - posted on 08/21/2009

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get her settled down an hour before she get ready to go to bed make she knows she is going to bed and make it clear for her to stay in her bed maybe read to her...

Erica - posted on 08/16/2009

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Baby Wise! Buy it! It will make your life so easy! Depending on how old your daughter is, just let her cry. It only takes 3 days of complete repitition for a child to understand the new routine. Crying never hurt anybody. It will probably help her sleep better. LOL!

Jenniffer - posted on 08/16/2009

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Try diffrent ways like its time to clean your room or read a book while she is in there depending on how old she is it can be a fight however you are the parent and my two year old stopped wanting to go to bed so he lost his naps that was a fight for a while 5 clock come around an he was cranky but he is always in bed by 8pm its nice. to have my nights back even if its only anhour but it helps.. I hope this helps try an make it fun and relaxing activites after 6 pm to get her to calm down before bed..

Kaylin - posted on 08/14/2009

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I found sticking to a routine has been a lifesaver for us. We eat generally at the same time, bath, brush, 2 books and bed. After a vacation, my son was completely off his schedule, but after three days he was back to his routine. I found that three days is the rule when it comes to bedtime routines. Hang in there!

Flora - posted on 08/12/2009

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How old is your daughter? Depending on her age, she might have her own "reasons" why she does not want to go to bed, and as Amanda says start a consistent pattern regarding bed time, perhaps dinner, then a bath, then a bed time story, also make sure there is not a lot going on at night(tv, music, people over, etc) she might feel as if by going to bed she is missing out on something, and always tell her you will check on her in specific amount of time to ensure she is asleep.
Before she falls to sleep remind her that you are proud of her for going to bed when you said.

H.J - posted on 08/12/2009

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besides tot Valium??? All jokes aside as the others have said repetition. Bath, book and bed. Dim or turn off the majority of lights in the house before bed too it helps have a lamp in her room to read the book to calm her right down!

Cheri - posted on 08/12/2009

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I know!I know!Easier said than done right!I watched an episode of Super nanny where the parents had a toddler who used to have major freakouts at bedtime.Her solution (and I tried it with my little one when she switched to a big girl bed) was to stay in the room with them.You start by sitting on the bed but you have to be firm and insist on no talking if the child talks you leave.I also used to yawn and pretend my eyes were heavy.Every night you move a little further away until you are sitting out in the hallway.If you are a reader it could actually be your own quiet time.I did more reading that week or two than I had in years!The most important thing is the no talking rule.The child has to lie down and stay quiet."Mommy will stay as long as you are quiet and behave"GOOD LUCK!!!

Jena' - posted on 08/11/2009

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HI! not sure how old your daughter is...but making it a "special" time will be worth your sacrifice...just stopping an activity or "her day" and sending her to bed is difficult for many children...they are still "wound up"...after her "bedtime routines"(brushing teeth, etc) lay next to her and read a book, sing a quite song...tell her a princess story (making it up as you go)....helping her to "wind down" but enjoying you "special time" together and helping her prepare for "going to sleep"...hope this helps...Gob Bless you!!!

Jennifer - posted on 08/11/2009

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I totally agree! Consistency is KEY!! Let her know that you are not going to give in. I had the same thing with mine and I just shut the door...She was upset, but I just told myself. It is her bedtime and there is nothing else wrong with her! She is tired!

Gretchen - posted on 08/11/2009

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Your kids are old enough that they are just disobeying. You have to tough with them and follow through with what you say your going to do! This is very hard but works. My youngest(7) used to do this and he sleeps with a night light. I told him if he gets up again I will shut off his light and he will sleep in the dark. I only had to do that once!

Anne - posted on 08/10/2009

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I have found the only way is to have a bedtime routine that you stick to religously every night. No exceptions. This is a bit inconvient but necessary. Start at the same time every night and do the same things. For example I do dinner at 5:30 and then we do her bath around 6 or 6:30. Then a bottle or sippie cup and then off to bed. I put her in her room which I keep dark all the time. I kiss her and tell her I love her and goodnight and put her in her crib and walk away. The first week was rough, she cried for 30 minutes the first 3 nights. After that the crying got less and less until she did not do it anymore. Now, occasionally she will cry or roll around quietly and babble to her self for a few minutes and then she is off to sleep. She has been sleeping through the night atleast 10 hours since she was 3 months old.

Laura - posted on 08/10/2009

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Consistant routine and discipline from you. Put her in bed (after bath and story is how we do it). Kisses and a hug and then i leave, the first night she came out of bed 22 times but i kept putting her back. No conversation with her and many tantrums followed until she fell asleep exhausted at the door to our bedroom. The very next night we did the same and she didnt get up once...you must be consistant and keep the discpline strict until she gets it.

Wendy - posted on 08/09/2009

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Make it fun and start a routine. Get her involved and make it like she is making the decision. Does she get the bath first or the book? Which book does she get to have read to her or does she read it to you? Does she want to sleep in the pink pajamas or the blue ones... Can she pick them out in the morning? Make it an event and something she will be excited for. BE CONSISTENT... same time every night and keep doing it until she does it. I have three little girls and we have no bedtime drama. Good luck.

Vicki - posted on 08/09/2009

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Be consistant. Get in a routine. Potty, Brush teeth, story, lights out. If they do not stay in bed they loose the story the next night. ( my kids love story time so they miss it when it does not happen) pick something your daughter would miss. Good luck. PS. Dont buy into temper tantrums which may happen the first couple of night.

Gill - posted on 08/09/2009

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I use bribery!!! tell her that she has to go to sleep and we'll go to the park or visit friends tomorrow... It's worked for the last couple of nights anyway x

[deleted account]

My kids were great when they were little, slept 7pm to 7am by using the recommended techniques...routine and being firm. I applied the same when they wanted to wake up at 5am...told them, in this house we sleep till 7am, lie down and go back to sleep...took 3 mornings for them to get the hang of it. Now I have your problem...but my kids are 15 and 10....trying to get them to bed is a MISSION...any idea's folks?

Latonya - posted on 08/09/2009

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i agree with all the other moms. I use to have that same problem, but my friend read to my son and he likes going to bed knowing he getting ready to hear a story.

Avelina - posted on 08/09/2009

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What I do is I make sure my son plays alot during the day, he does take a nap at 12 or 1230 everyday. And I put him to sleep between 830 or 9. Before he goes to sleep, I take him a fun bath, get him dressed, I sometimes let him drink something, usually warm milk. After he is done I take him to his room, but not before I have him tell everyone goodnight. I put him in his room and he does fight me, but I lay him down, I tell him to go to sleep and he will cry, but I let him cry. After that I leave him alone. He will cry for a bit, but he goes to sleep after that. Trust me, its not easy. He still wakes up in the middle of the night and climbs into my bed. It will have to take time and consistency, but your daughter will get the hang of it and so will you.



Take care,



Avelina

Kris - posted on 08/08/2009

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I haven't had this problem with my soon to be 2 yr old. I did take his rail off, so he is in a day bed style now. I wasn't sure how he would do. Thank God he stays in his bed for naps and bedtime. There has been nights he is SCREAMing... I to believe he could sense or see something, or just a bad dream. I try to ask him what's wrong, but he can't really tell me yet. I try to comfort him, and lay him back down. I did let him sleep by me that one night... cause he was shaking. A friend of mine has twins. They just turned 5. I had to help her teach her kids to stay in bed. I told her she has to nip it in the butt asap. The kids still get outta bed and go in theirs! Ugh... Please take all this great advice, and not let her control the situation. Hopefully that shines a lil light. :-)

Stacia - posted on 08/08/2009

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I had the same problem with my 3 year old who now sleeps thorugh the night. The biggest thing is try not to get upset and yell. Keep putting her in bed like the other moms have said....that is what worked for us. The first few nights were not easy but well worth it in the end. Good luck!

[deleted account]

Get her on a schedule where she eats dinner, takes a bath, etc. at the same time (or close) every night. Then start a bedtime routine. Like reading a book, watching a favorite show, brushing her hair, etc. Then just be consistent with putting her back to bed when she comes out. Not sure how old she is, but this should work with young kids.

Joanne - posted on 08/08/2009

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Make it a routine...bath...warm drink...story...bed. Read her the story in her bedroom then she won't feel abandoned when its time to leave her.

Ellie - posted on 08/08/2009

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Repetition!

Put her in bed. If she gets out, put her right back. That's the only way to do it. Be stern if you have to put her back in there. "It's bed time." the first time, the second time something like "stay in bed!" It might take a while, sometimes hours- But believe me- It works. You just can't give in at all! You have to be consistent with it! Same time every night. Each time she comes out- put her straight back in!

[deleted account]

I would add, don't ever let her sleep, even nap with you while going through this learning process. For some reason that gets left out of advice. Even one nap on the couch together can throw the whole thing right back to step one. You don't mention if you do ever sleep or rest with her, but it is an extrememly important factor if you do. Good luck!

Carianne - posted on 08/08/2009

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Hello,

Like almost all of the other moms I agree that consistency is the key. At our house it's bed time at 8pm. My 7 year old is allowed to play quietly or read until 8:30 when he is to turn his light off. Most nights it's off way before but he has the control which make bed time a whole lot easier. My 2 (almost 3) year old still naps for 2-3 hours in the afternoon so he isn't always ready for bed at 8pm, of course some days he's begging for his bed. With the little one we put him into bed at 8pm, he's allowed one toy to play with and his flashlight (recently he's started the "I'm scared" and the flashlight really helps), we also turn on one of his books on tape. We borrow new ones from the library (Alice in Wonderland was a favorite) and check the second hand shops for others. We have a nice collection now. It gives him something to listen to while he winds down and has really expanded his vocabulary too.

Good luck
Carianne

Dorothy - posted on 08/08/2009

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Hi there - I have to echo what everyone else has said, most important of which is not to give in and not to try and enter into a discussion... Also, a piece of advice my friend gave to me which I use in all situations is to give a 5 or 10 minute warning. ie, say, right - you have 5 more minutes then it will be bed time.. you may already do this but I find it works much better to let them know in advance what is going to happen cos kids have no idea of time.... hope this helps a bit... and good luck. I am sure you will have a peaceful evening to yourself in no time!

Lorrelaine - posted on 08/07/2009

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Tell her to sleep and when she wakes up she will get what she wants.. and she might forget or remember that. thats why be prepared and make you sure you will make your promise =)

this really works for my son and to my nephew

User - posted on 08/07/2009

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I am having the same problem but I make sure everything is off (lights/tv) and I tell my son that he needs to get enough sleep so that he will not be tired and what ever it is he wants he will get in the morning. It is very fustrating though.

Jacqueline - posted on 08/07/2009

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I agree with all below replies, be consistent. With my daughter, it was all routine, we wake up the same time, eat the same time and bed always the same time. Give or take an hour or towo depending on the situation. But once a consistent routine is established she may cry a little, or even scream, but in the end she is just testing us and will fall asleep within the hour.

Girlio - posted on 08/07/2009

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We had the same problem with both kids (my step kids) they are 8 & 5. They live at moms and have no rules or bedtime or routine, challenging for all of us every weekend.

Last weekend was the final straw - this had been going on long enough! So we gave them a choice; go to bed now and go rafting/biking/swimming/to the park tomorrow. Stay up and play and do nothing, no leaving the house, you can read or clean tomorrow. These are your choices. They felt SO grown up that they got to decide! They decided to stay up and play. The next day OHHH they were MISERABLE! the decision they made sure was a poor one. We explained, they were big kids and didn't need a bed time, then they could make big kid choices that was theirs. They decided that they weren't big enough yet and could we please make these kinds of decisions for a little while longer? LOL We said sure. But it was great we got all the nitty gritty cleaning done around the house! LOL. I will keep you posted on how it goes this weekend.

ANN - posted on 08/07/2009

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TELL HER ITS TIME FOR HER TO REST .YOU NEED TIME FOR YOUR SELF HUN IT DOES WORK KEEP PUTTING HER INTO THE BED AND THE MORE TIMES SHE GETS OUT TAKE AWAY A FAVOURITE TOY SHE WILL SOON LEARN

Marie - posted on 08/07/2009

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Valerie Smith said it best, be consistent and don't change your mind. I don't know about Nanny 911 but it wouldn't hurt to watch.

Dawn - posted on 08/07/2009

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Consistency is very important with kids of any age. I have been lucky to have no bedtime problems and the biggest thing I think people forget about consistency is bedtime too. Yes the routine is important, but if kids don't have a consistent bedtime that makes it harder to get them down. Good luck, I hope you make some progress.

Wendy - posted on 08/07/2009

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im not sure i understand what helping your friends is, but there might be a reason she doesnt want to go to bed, is she afraid you are going to leave or something in the room, children see alot more than we think and they have big imaginations. try a night light, and just ask why she doesnt want to go to bed, if she is just being nosey then just be strict and tell her the rules are rules with no exceptions. im no expert thats for sure but i do believe children are much smarter than we give them credit for, nothing irritated me more than when my mom wouldnt listen to what i had to say, and just said " because i said so"

Rach - posted on 08/07/2009

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Having a really good routine before bed can actually help settle a child to sleep. If they are a young child/toddler the whole bath, story and bed routine works a treat. Even our 9 year old goes off to bed much easier when he has had a couple of chapters read of his favourite book to him. You can litterally see his eyes start to droop and he gets nicely snuggled up and relaxed. If your child still persists to keep getting out to bed I agree with the whole no fuss treatment. Straight back to bed. Tucked in and keep doing this until finally they get sick of you not giving them the attention they are wanting and will hopefully go to sleep... Good luck...

LouAnne - posted on 08/06/2009

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Not knowing the age of your daughter, it's hard. When little, all you can do is be consistent and keep putting her back in bed. Don't get angry (I know, it's hard). Just keep emphasizing that it is time to go to bed. As the others have said, you've got to be consistent. Assuming she's young, if you don't get this established now, it's only going to be worse when she gets older. FYI: The only time I put my daughter in her bed or crib was to go to sleep. Never, ever to play, or keep her "safe" while I did something else. She associated being put in bed to going to sleep.

Valerie - posted on 08/06/2009

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I agree with what the other moms are saying. The one thing I would add comes from watching "Nanny 911" (I love that show). She says that when your child gets up the first time, remind her that it is her bed time and then take her back to bed and that is the last thing said - SPOKEN to her. Each time afterwards that she gets up just take her back to bed and exchange no conversation with her. On any of the episodes that I've seen that bed time was an issue, it only took about 2 nights. The VERY MOST important thing about all of this, is to be consistant. Do not change any way of how you do it. Best of luck.

Danielle - posted on 08/06/2009

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Tuck her into bed, maybe read her a book.. then tell her its time for bed... if she gets up put her back into bed... you can also try closing the door (let her pick out a big girl nite light) dont give in to the crying... a week of that and she will go right to bed, she needs to know you mean business...

Amanda - posted on 08/06/2009

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The best way I have found is to just be sure to be constant. Put her to bed tell her it's time for sleep and then leave, if she comes out, put her back, like others have said don't give in, it may take a day or so to get her to do it with out much help, but she will get there. Good luck.

Melissa - posted on 08/06/2009

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TELL HER TO GO...WHEN SHE DOESN'T...PICK HER UP AND PUT HER IN BED...... REPEAT UNTIL SHE GETS IT... DON'T GIVE IN TO CRYING AND FREAKING OUT

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