sick of NOT talking about working moms

Katy - posted on 06/30/2009 ( 46 moms have responded )

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I am SO sick of this community NOT talking about working moms and their issues, and instead focusing more on moms trying to find ways to work at home. Go to another group for that! Geez.

46 Comments

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Izabela - posted on 07/15/2009

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I guess I'm not sure that I HAVE TO work as much as I want to. I love my job and I spent a long time in school to be able to do it. I love the intellectual stimulation and talking to adults all day. We have great family and daycare nearby which helps tremendously. I love my son but if I didn't work full time I'd probably volunteer part time for the same reason. I'm not quite sure why I'm expected to feel guilty. I've put a lot of time, study, energy and money (damn loans) on this career and am proud of it and I know he will be too.

Lindsey - posted on 07/15/2009

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Very true. I know stay at home mom's and mothers that are able to work at home also have challlenges, however, I sometimes feel like we are labeled as a "bad mom" if we work full or even part time. You are right that there are other groups or discussions to join if they want to discuss thier stay at home issues. I am a full time working mom who actually brings my son with me to work at an actuall office and takes my 3 year old daughter to preschool. It is very challenging to juggle working, caring for two children, being a wife, and all the extra activiites that go with it. It is terrilby difficult to be a working mom, we miss out on alot of things, but we also are providing for our children so that we can be independent woman, not have to depend on a man to provide solely for our family, and we are teaching our children to have good work ethics and values and to also be independent as they grow!! Pat on the back to all working mothers!!

Melisa - posted on 07/15/2009

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it's alot of stress! I'm working and studying part time. I feel extremely exhausted and even guilty at times that I'm not spending enough time with my daughter. However I have to work to pay bills and study to get a better job. It's hard, real hard.

Heather - posted on 07/15/2009

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I have always worked full-time (32 - 40 hours a week) but my jobs have evolved over the years depending on the needs of our family.

When I had several small children at the same time I sat down and really did the math...what would I ACTUALY bring home after paying for childcare costs, higher tax bracket, convience foods, second vehicle for my communte etc, when I had that number I found a job that would provide that "after" income. It was usually a menial job (far below what my college degrees enable me to do) but was flexible in hours. We were always able to work out childcare so that my husband or I were always with the children (elminating daycare costs).

Now that my children are all school age I fond graveyard shift work the best for our family. I work in a hospital as a family liasion so I have that flexability. I work out of the home 4 nights a week, sleep wile they are in school and I am awake and a "at-home mom" during the after school and evening hours before I leave for work again. Being away from my husband 4 nights a week hasn't hurt the marriage either. We are eager and exceited to see each other on my nights off (if you catch my drift).

I would encourage other moms who are struggeling with "guilt" to really look hard at the financial contribution they are making after daycare etc. and try to find fulfilling work that will provide that dollar figure AND be flexible with the hours you can work.

I have a number of single mom friends who also employ this tatic and have found for instance that they pay far less in childcare to pay someone to sleep at their house while they work nights than to care for their children during the day (they usually nap briefly in the morning and then again before work after putting their children to bed semi-early).

Unless you have a calling or a definate career choice I think you can find meaningful work that allows you to work a shift that will best accomidate your family in and around the most important role of being a mom.

Just my two cents....

[deleted account]

Yeah, there are several other groups focused around working from home. That is not what this site is about so switch out!

Pam - posted on 07/14/2009

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So True! It was so hard for me, My baby was only 6 weeks old. Lately now she is 1, It is even harder! SHe looks older ecerytime I pick her up, and she learns new things when I am not around. It is sad, but I have to work.

Caz - posted on 07/14/2009

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i totally agree. i love my daughter very much. but i do find that going to work gives me a bit of normality. i hate leaving her, but it has made her very independant and wen she starts school in september it will big a great advantatge for her. i dnt regret working for a second. it wud drive me made if i have to do it at home. i wudnt be able to relax.

Marie - posted on 07/13/2009

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Quoting Nivia:

Hi everyone, I'm a working mom not by choice but by financial obligations. My son has been going to the same daycare since he was 3 mths old. He is now 3 1/2. My question to the working moms is what do you pack for lunch for them? I have to include an icepack to keep the food fresh. I'm running out of nutrious ideas. Yes there is another daycare that provides a warm lunch but it almost double in cost. I was recerntly transferred so now instead of being 10 minutes away from his daycare I am now 45 minutes away. I don't have famiily members that live near and the thought of a babysitter means added extra expense. The commute alone has me spending more $$$$ in gasoline. Is anyone else in my shoes and if so how do you juggle the situation?


 I am also in your shoes.  I commute an hour each way by train and it costs me $207 a month, excluding gas.  I do this because my salary is higher in downtown than most jobs in my hometown.  My boys are older now, but I still pack a lunch for my 11-year-old and one thing he likes, just to mix it up, are wraps.  I just use whatever I'd put in a sandwich, including lettuce and mayo, onto a flour tortilla and roll it up in foil.  It holds together pretty well and offers him a nice change of pace from a regular sandwich.  We also enjoy frozen red seedless grapes - they're like nature's little popsicles, although keeping them frozen at day care might prove to be difficult.  As for the daycare costs, they will go down as your son gets older.  Just hang in there.

Shaquita - posted on 07/12/2009

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I almost didn't until I saw your post.I agree there are way to many adds on here to work from home.I do work from home and it is almost as hard as going to the office I feel like all I saved was gas money,now I am in the house listening to my husband and daughter but I can only join them once in a while.I think working is hard when you have kids whether you choose to work or are forced to work out of need.

Nivia - posted on 07/12/2009

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Hi everyone, I'm a working mom not by choice but by financial obligations. My son has been going to the same daycare since he was 3 mths old. He is now 3 1/2. My question to the working moms is what do you pack for lunch for them? I have to include an icepack to keep the food fresh. I'm running out of nutrious ideas. Yes there is another daycare that provides a warm lunch but it almost double in cost. I was recerntly transferred so now instead of being 10 minutes away from his daycare I am now 45 minutes away. I don't have famiily members that live near and the thought of a babysitter means added extra expense. The commute alone has me spending more $$$$ in gasoline. Is anyone else in my shoes and if so how do you juggle the situation?

Petra - posted on 07/12/2009

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Hi Katy
My name is Petra and I just joind the group for just a time like this.
I see that u are hurt and to a point of time I was to.My sons were very smal when I had to drop them off in the kindersgarden and it broke my heard each time when I had to leave them and saw them cry.I liked to work but now as there grown jung man I tell them to let their wifes stay at home with the children till they are of school age.So u would not miss out on their first stepp etc.See Katy is the choices we make in life and how we deel with them.I had a lot of friends who were stay at home moms and at times it killed me.I had the choice to put my food down and let my husband know at that time ,that I will go back to work when the boy's were in school.I'm not here to say that is what u have to do,but to encourage u to find a way to put God first, than ur family,than social life etc.I hope that u can find a commen ground with this community and continue to communicate with us.I believe that u are in the right place,their are some other out of the house working moms in this community and I hope that they have responded to ur concerns.God loves u and in his divine love Petra

Amanda - posted on 07/11/2009

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I am a working, single mom of 1 sweet lil boy. I commute about 2 hrs round trip everyday so am gone a total of 11 hrs from my son, at least on 5 days a week. I've been working since I was 17 so I don't think I'd feel right staying at home even if I could. It is tough though not having much time to spend with my son. I try to make sure we do something fun together every day that I'm off, even if it's as simple as a water gun fight or blowing bubbles in the yard. I have to make a conscious effort to make sure we get some quality time. It is really disheartening when I have to return to work after having vacation time off with him and he cries because he wants more time with his mommy. I'm sure he'll outgrow it soon (he's 6) but it does hurt that I don't have any more time than I do with him and does make me feel some guilt. I just have to remind myself that I'm taking care of us and we gotta do what we gotta do

Cindy - posted on 07/11/2009

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If you work hard, you can find or be promoted to a position that affords flexibility. If I think 15-20 years down the line when my little girls are starting their careers, I hope they look back on me as a role model. My girls are only 5 and 8 but they respect what I do and want careers AND families of their own. I make time for class parties, field trips and caring for them when they are sick. It is all about balance. Work hard before you have kids and find a company that believes in work/family balance. You don't have to work from home - in fact, the days I work from home, I feel even more like I am letting them down. I am there, but can't be with them. Be there the days that count and it will be plenty.

[deleted account]

I am a working mom and I guess it's because my kids are a little older but, I don't have guilt feelings. I feel that by working outside the home I am setting an example for my girls. I have a job I love but I don't love it more then them and they know it. They were 2 of my biggest supporters when I took college classes and still worked. They have taken on some extra responsibilities at home - but so what? It will serve them well as adults. When they were smaller, the fact of going to a babysitter gave them invaluable social skills. The adjustment to going to school was nil. They loved having other kids to play with. Also in all honesty - being with other adults instead of children 24/7 made me a better parent. When I'm with my kids, I'm with my kids and love every second of it.

Sharon - posted on 07/10/2009

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I work full time out of the home and I do wish that I had more time with my kids. My daughter is about to turn 13 and I think she needs me more than ever now. My son is 10 and most weeks I see them a total of maybe 6 hours a week when they are in school. I am gone before they get on the bus and home after my youngest is in bed. It's hard and we sacrifice a lot but it is what I have to do to support my family. I was a single parent for a long time and life is hard but we do what we have to do to care for and provide for our children. My days off are spent with my kids. NO exceptions. My children know that mom works long hours but she loves them and is never farther away than a phone call. Their step-dad is wonderful and is home when they get home from school. I couldn't do it without him. I do feel guilty not being with them more but I don't feel they are being irrevocably harmed by it.

Right now working out side the home isn't a choice, its a necessity. Even so, given the choice I would still choose to work away from home. Not the hours I currently work (obviously) but I can't imagine doing anything else. I guess I just want a better balance. I work in a hospital though so I suppose I shall just dream on...

User - posted on 07/10/2009

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I'm a working mom and this is the most interesting blog l've read so far...when I decided to have a baby, I knew that was going to change my life completely so I decided to change my work schedule as soon as I got preggers. I'm not a morning person but decided to work from 6:00-2:30, this way I leave Victoria (my daughter) at 5:00 when she's asleep (which means I wake up st 4), she wakes up around 9:00 and plays and learns with her friends at child care, at 12 they have lunch and then they take a 1-2hr nap, when I get there at 3:30-4:00 she's either waking up or still asleep and she gets all happy when she sees me and she has a lot of things to tell me...that makes my day!



It's not easy, I know. Some child care centers don't open until 6:30 but I found my sitter through the city (I live in La Habra) she's great and she'll work with you as much as she can, she's awesome and Victoria loves her!



I don't feel guilty because I dedicate all my "free" time to her. I've never compared myself to anybody else so I'm OK on that but I do have one issue though...I don't trust anybody else with Victoria, except for the sitter. What should I do? I've been by myself since I was like 5 or 6 months pregnant (she'll be 4 in Oct) and sometimes I wish I was more social but then I don't want to spend time with anybody else but her, any suggestions??? Is this normal?

Andriana - posted on 07/09/2009

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I agree. It's not that I don't wish I could stay home with my kids, but if I did, I would go insane. Being at work for me is like being treated like a human being again...not just a diaper changer/ milk dispeser/ baby calmer/ toddler chaser, you know?

Jenn - posted on 07/09/2009

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I definantly see where you are coming from BUT, I am a work from home mom and its hard! I have 4 businesses and even though I dont have to leave everyday I have to hear my baby cry in the other room and have to send somebody else to tend to her. I left my older ones at daycare for 5 years and that too was hard. I didnt realize how much I was not in there life during that time. The choices we all have to make and the choice isnt always ours!! I just joined and id love to support both sides of the table! Just remember working at home is not always a glory road! ITS STILL WORK!
Much love~

Patricia - posted on 07/09/2009

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Thank you Patricia Ramirez. :) I really enjoyed your post. It is what I needed to hear. I would like to know how working moms are doing it. I am the mom of a 10 month old. Grandparents take care of her.

Heather - posted on 07/09/2009

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I am a working mom, outside of the home, and yes we do face a lot of challneges. I would like to be able to post question and get more support then I did at my playgroup back when I use to go. My kids are 2 and 4 both boys, and crazy active. I work friday, Saturday and Sunday. The kids only have to be in daycare on Friday as my Hubby can watch them on Sat and Sunday, but I still chose to send them to daycare on Monday and Wednesday. I have a good balance where they get daycare for three days, mom for two and dad for two. This would be a great setup, but I miss my hubby and vacations with him so much :-( However, I am trying to make it work so I can go back to college this fall and get closer to my degree on the two days I don't have the kids with me.

Vicki - posted on 07/09/2009

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There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being a working mom. Yes, I am part of Rodan + Fields which has the potential to allow me to stay at home with my son and bring in a good income, but I also know that part of being a responsible and GOOD mom is helping to provide for your child! Don't feel like you are doing something wrong or being made to feel guilty for being a Good and Responsible mom - it makes you appreciate your child or children even more.

Annette - posted on 07/08/2009

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Oh, by the way I am a manager of a non-profit organization that trains and assist individuals to become employed. I love my job and love being a mom.

Annette - posted on 07/08/2009

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My husband and I had our first daughter then went through six years of infertility trying to have number two. Finally we had our next daughter, then surprise, we had another daughter 12 months later. Then our son came two years after that. The finally being our youngest daughter who is two years younger then our son. What is a good age difference? Six is to far. She felt like an only child then had to share mom. Plus she had nothing in common with the younger ones. 12 months apart is a little to close. As a busy working mother I always feel that one of the two girls are not getting enough mom time. Personally, I like two years. They play well together. There is enough age difference that they are not competing for the same friends. But, close enough they can relate to each other.

Dena' - posted on 07/08/2009

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I have worked since I was 15 years old. I do not have any desire to be a stay at home mom. Not that I care what others do but I would be nuts without adult conversation and time where no one is tugging at my shirt screaming for cheese or juice. My older son just graduated high school and will start college in August or September and I think he turned out pretty good. He also has heard his entire life I dont care what woman he settles down with as long as she is good to him and has a job. He knows from experience that woman can do both and still be an involved parent.

Mary - posted on 07/08/2009

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I am a full time nurse at MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, Texas. I work about 10 hr/day and I need a lot of support as I am about to give birth to our first child, Emma. I'm scared to death and not wanting to leave her behind!!! I'm trying to decide where she will be going every day while we are at work. Please...any support would be great!!!!

Diana - posted on 07/08/2009

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Katy - good point! I just joined and was really surprised by all the work at home postings. Everybody here is suppossed to ba a "Working Mum" I was looking for support, not an ad to encourage me to change jobs & stay home. I worked from home for about 8 months 2 years ago & it was HORRIBLE for me. I gained weight, became depressed, I certainly wasn't a better mom just for being home. I need the adult interaction I get from coworkers, I like the feeling of being respected for the work I do, and I NEED the paycheck I bring home. My son is my top priority. That means I need to have the income to support him, so I go to work - outside the home. Its better for both of us!

Melissa - posted on 07/08/2009

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To be totally honest, I am glad to be a working mom. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and would do anything for them, but some days I am glad to have the break, even though my "break" is teaching Kindergarten. I don't think I could work from home. I need to have a seperate space for me. Ok, now I will feel totally guilty for saying that, but at least I will be sane!

Danielle - posted on 07/08/2009

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Well, I get to work from home, but I still have to send my children to day care. I couldn't take care of them and do my FT job. But I LOVE my job and I DO get to spend more time with my boys than my husband who has to commute a distance to his job.

THEODORA - posted on 07/08/2009

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I live in Greece and we dont have opportunities to work from home....I tend to agree with you but i also believe that we should also consider single mums,who having difficult times.I've been a single mum and trust me its not easy to find a job and take care your child at the same time.....

[deleted account]

I feel very lucky being able to work from home, but I have about as much guilt as out-of-the-home moms. I have a home daycare so I am able to be here to send my daughter off to school and I'm here when she gets home the problem for me is I am still working when she gets home from school so my attention is divided. She's excited or upset and I'm changing bums and sorting squabbles. We tried something new - at supper she has our undivided attention but I don't want to send the message that she isn't as important as my job (and the kids that come with that).
I have to come up with a new plan - any suggestions?
This balancing act is frikkin hard!


Speaking as a daycare provider I wish I could reassure and comfort you at the office moms. You are the most important person in your child's life, and by far his/her favourite...and they don't resent you, they are thrilled to see you at the end of the day so they can share their adventures and share a cuddle. Life is hectic and we are dancing as fast as we can.

Kristin - posted on 07/06/2009

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I agree. I work 2 jobs and have had women try & tell me all the great things about working from home. What they don't realize is that I tried it already. Before I had my son and I know myself and that I to not have what it takes to be successful in a home business. I would rather leave the house, clock in & out some where and know I have a paycheck coming. That is less stressful for me and it doesn't make me less of a good mom nor does it mean I love my son less. If anything I am a better mom cause I'm not stress about when I'll get paid again and less stress is always a good thing.

Ldoo - posted on 07/06/2009

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OK, I'll bite!

I may have to stay at home with my babies soon and work from home part time. Does anyone do this? What's it like? Is it impossible? My babies will be 20 months and newborn. Ahh!

Fawn - posted on 07/06/2009

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Awesome thoughts and so true. You're lucky to have family nearby that you can count on.

Patricia - posted on 07/04/2009

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I just joined and I have been a working mom since my first born was six weeks old...eight years ago.

The number one thing that I have learned in all my years as a working mom is...let go of the guilt and high expectations. Easier said than done, true. But here are a few things that I keep in mind:

- I am being a responsible adult when I choose to work. I am demonstrating to my daughters that I have taken on some large financial responsibilities (some chosen wisely, other chosen stupidly). Instead of "blowing off" the credit card or settling for less, I am choosing to work to pay off the debts I took on (when I was single) and to create the life I want to live now.

- I chose the best child care I could afford and I work with my childcare provider to raise my child to be the type of person I want her to be. I learn about my childcare provider, I talk to her, I work with her on the instruction of my child. I am confident that my child is being cared for by caring professional.

- I do not compare myself to other moms. This is probably the hardest things to do; I think the constant mental chatter we tell ourselves is the most devastating to our psyche. When I talk about mental chatter, I am talking about the things we tell ourselves when we see other working moms: "Yeah, she looks perfect, but I bet she ignores her kid behind closed doors." or "Look at her, she gained weight again. She's probably out of control." or "Yeah, well, if I had her money, I could probably afford to be getting my hair done every two weeks." or "She must have it easy; she's always so happy and smiling. B*tch." I think all this type of mental chatter only hurts our own psyche and we have to learn to stop doing it.

- Rely on other people. I am fortunate enough to live near my mom and sisters. (I have no brothers). At least once a month, I ask my mom for overnight babysitting so my husband and I can have time for ourselves. My sister and I help each other out during emergencies. I ask my neighbors for a can of spaghetti sauce (after I boiled the noodles, looked in the pantry, and then realized I had no spaghetti sauce). I ask my husband to watch the kids for a few hours so I can have some peace, quiet, and regain my sanity. You've got to ask for help!



- And, I always remind myself that I WILL make a mistake! I will handle a situation incorrectly. I will get upset at them. I will overreact at times. I am going to make mistakes. What I must do (and teach by example) is how to correct the mistakes and how to apologize.

Farida - posted on 07/04/2009

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I've been through some debates here and yes.. not much about how to balance work life and spending enough time with the kids, and even the issues of having at times to put work first esp. when there is a deadline- I did that once and still feel rotten about it- anybody out there who has gone through that?

Irina - posted on 07/02/2009

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In certain extendt WE as a working mother need a 'guilty feelin' in order to check n balance our work and family life.

I agree with KIM. I also went back to work when my son even no reach 2months.

I used the same reason to convince my self...... I am working for my kidz purposes and of course our future life.

No doubt we need a supportive system to alternately play our role when we are not around with kidz.

Im crying when i left my first kidz in plygroup but I hope we can get the best in return for our kidz. They can get along nicely with other kidz and they would be more independent.

Katy - posted on 07/02/2009

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Too true, Cidalia! I don't want to waste my time reading all that BS, when their are more important things on all our plates. This is supposed to be a place for moms who have already made the decision to work, and are sticking to it.

Katy - posted on 07/02/2009

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Tracie: I wish I could offer advice, but I only have one. As for advice for myself, do you think it is better to have them less than 4 yrs apart? That is what we were thinking of doing, about 4 years difference....
Kim: Kim, I completely agree. I just joined too and felt the same way. I was thinking of starting a different working moms group that wouldn't allow posts like that...

Cidalia - posted on 07/02/2009

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I find it particularly irritating because most of us are used to the Internet being used for scams or even for legitimate work-from-home jobs that don't earn enough to buy candy, let alone support a family.

Kim - posted on 07/02/2009

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THANK YOU Katy - I have just joined and was very surprised to see the amount of posts/articles about 'work from home' etc...instantly deflated me and made me feel bad.



I went back to work when my son was only 4 mths old and have lost count of the amount of days I've cried between daycare and the office...yet I know I'm doing the right thing to create a stable financial future for my son and my family - why should I be made to feel bad about that??



My hat is off to all the working mothers out there - one child, two, three or more. Single, in a relationship or married. It's hard for all of us and we need to support one another in our quests - seems no one else will!!

Tracie - posted on 07/01/2009

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You're so right. I work 40 to 50 hours a week in hospitality, I'm a bar supervisor & I tend to struggle trying to raise my 4 yr old son & my 10 month old son. I sometimes wish I had a little more support! Don't get me wrong I love my job. I work days & nights & spend plenty of time with the kids,but I wish we had more hours in the day to spend with them lol. Here in australia both parents tend to work to pay off the mortgage & make ends meat etc. I do have one problem if anyone has any advice. How do you stop a 4 yr old from being so jealous of a baby? I always spend quality time with the 4 yr old but when I give a little attention to my baby he becomes spiteful & I'm frustrated by this behaviour!!! Help please.

Tricia - posted on 06/30/2009

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I'm gonna agree... I don't want to be advertised at about how "great" somebody's work at home opportunity is. I have a job, and usually I'm happy to have the particular job I have. But I need some support when it's hard to leave my baby behind.

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