Was it hard for you to start back to work? I've been back for 6 weeks and its not getting any easier. I like our nanny but I hate leaving my daughter. Does it get easier?

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User - posted on 01/17/2009

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For me it never got easier to leave them. My mother in law looks after my youngest so I know he's in good hands and my eldest is at school now but went to a childminder (2 actually, one covered the others maternity leave - and incidentally both are now close family friends) from the age of 15 months until she started school and I hated that too. But I will say this......I wouldn't do anything different if I could do it again. I really believe strongly that both my children have benefited hugely from spending time with the people I have chosen to take care of them for me. They are happy, well-rounded, content, confident and intelligent (Ok, I might be a little biased!). I only work school hours, so it's a little different for me than if I had to work full time, but my point is that however hard is has been for me to leave them with childminders, they have enhanced my childrens lives, and for me that thought has made doing so just a little more bearable.

Sarah - posted on 01/17/2009

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I don't think hard is the right word. Torturous is a better word, especially when you're a new mom. I dreaded starting my daughter in day care. In reading articles, I decided to start her a week before I went back to work so we could both get used to it. The first day, I cried right in front of the day care worker. You would have thought I was sending her overseas for a year, not to day care for four hours. I was so happy when I picked her up. Even harder was I worked in the next state over, and battling traffic was horrible. I've since found another job closer to home.



Does it get easier? It did for me. Time works differently for everyone. Do you get used to it? No. My former boss has a pre-teen daughter, and she said she still cries from time to time when she drops her off at school.

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Micki - posted on 01/17/2009

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i was also very fortunate to have found a great sitter who loves my boys like her own, so i know they are loved and taken care of while i'm at work.

Micki - posted on 01/17/2009

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it depends how you look at it.  as she gets older and more demanding, you start to enjoy that time alone in the car, if only for the silence.  i do miss my boys during the day, mt office is plastered with pics of them, but it's nice to step away from the "mommy" role and talk to adults too.

User - posted on 01/17/2009

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Mother is just a code word for guilt. No matter what you do, you will find a way to see that you aren't sufficient. If you work, you feel bad for being a 'bad' mother. If you stay home, you feel bad for being a 'bad' wife. What I know for sure is that it is different for everyone. For me it hasn't gotten easier to miss some of the crucial parts of their little lives but I also know that if I didn't work it would be harder. I love my children and they are good people so I must be doing something right!

[deleted account]

There are so many things at play when you're in this work / stay home situation. Whether or not it gets easier could depend on your financial situation, your hormones (are you still breastfeeding?That's MAJOR), what sort of support system you have in place, or how deeply you believe that it's your place to be at home for your family. And why you? Why not your husband? 



As for me, I always knew I would be a working mom -- I'm just not the "stay-at-home" type of person. I went a little nuts on both of my maternity leaves. Also, I don't refer to my career as "me time" -- I save that distinction for the occasional mani/pedi. I'm able to provide for my family at nearly the same rate as my husband, and that is comforting to me. Another key for me is that I have a pretty level relationship with my husband -- he doesn't ask me to do anything that I couldn't ask of him, like move to advance his career, get up in the middle of the night, or stay home with a sick kiddo. We share it all. 



Now, believe me -- there are days when I want nothing more than to curl up with my kids and play blocks, or cook for them, or teach them something new, and sometimes I do that. We have had our share of tearful partings at preschool, which end miraculously when I'm out of sight. Does it get easier? Yes. No. It really just morphs into something new every time you turn around. But hey... that's life. And it's great. 



Good luck. And don't doubt yourself -- it's a waste of time. 



 

Sandy - posted on 01/16/2009

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I started work full time last week and I have had a hard time too. It is great to hear everyone's responses.

Rachael - posted on 01/15/2009

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For me it has never gotten easier, and Camden will be 5 in 2 weeks. I love ME time but not being with my little one at home is hard. Though it may not get easier, it makes the end of the work day that much better and once that little one is running to you when you are coming home, you'll know how special you are, which is why coming home is so nice!!!

Robyn - posted on 01/14/2009

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I think it will get easier with time or maybe you just get numb to it. I however love to go to work. I'm just one of those moms that never wanted to be the stay at home mom. I just like to GO to work. Although it is almost too expensive to send Lainey to daycare. When I first left her at the daycare, I cried everytime I thought about her all day long. It is hard not being there for your little one but I think it is just harder for some than it is for others. Maybe thinking about how excited she gets when you walk in the door after being gone will help a little. That always makes me smile. Just seeing her stop everything she was doing and bounce up and down and reach her arms out to me.

Pam - posted on 01/14/2009

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Yes...but maybe not - how's that for an answer! It really depends on you - are you the type to be a stay at home mom? Or do you like having something to yourself (i.e. a job outside the home)? I found it the hardest leaving my son his first year when I worked. It's easier now that he's two because I know how much he loves the interaction with other kids and his daycare teacher. I think it's great for kids to have exposure to quality care from another adult. But, if you want to stay at home with your child (or do a mix - part-time of both) then that's great too. Give it a little time and look into your options. Can you afford to stay at home (i.e. less income, health insurance)? Working part-time was the perfect thing for me after a year of fulltime - I had another outlet for my creativity but got to spend more time at home. It depends on what's going on at work too - I think it's obviously harder leaving home when you're dealing with a lot of stress at work. For now, while you're thinking things over, and discussing options with anyone else involved, think about making the most out of the time you do have with your daughter. Good luck!

Julie - posted on 01/14/2009

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No it dosen't get any easier,  you miss them more.  My mom kept my first 4 for me so I knew they were okay and taken care of but still did like leaving them and hated it when she got to see them do something first.  When I had my 5th one I started working nights and spent the days with my 3 preschoolers and it was a different world,  If I could do it again I would find a way to stay home with all of them.

Diane - posted on 01/14/2009

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It gets easier!  With my son Tristan, the first year I couldn't wait to get home and wanted to spend every second with him.  Later, I couldn't wait to have a few moments to myself as I dropped him off at daycare.  Now we have a nanny for all three, 9 month old twins and Tristan, now 3+.  I love every minute I am home, but think I'm a better Mom because I go to work and value our time together that much more.  I am nursing the twins and find an extra bond there.

Deirdre - posted on 01/14/2009

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Sarah - I don't know if it gets easier but I can feel your pain. I chose a home-based business that I love and it has allowed me to stay home with my kids and earn a good living. I don't know what you do, but if you could work for yourself and earn money - would that be something you are interested in? I'd be happy to share with you what I'm doing and see if it might be a fit for you. You can visit my website for more info or call me. My website is www.formyfamily.myarbonne.com or 707.495.5546
Take care, Deirdre

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