What do Moms do when counting to ten does not work when dealing with screaming kids?


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Jo - posted on 03/17/2009




calm down by going in another room if i am getting worked up and make my-self a cuppa, then once calm, get down to there level and tell them what they have done wrong and warn them them if it continues they will go into the naughty corner. most of the time it works.

Stacy - posted on 03/16/2009




For me I warn my kids that I am going to count to 3 and if they dont do or stop doing what I am requesting then I tell them what the consequence will be- usually a time out or time in their room until they calm down. for my daughter who is 3 1/2 all I have to do is warn her and say 1 and she complies. My 5 year old son tests it a little further and waits for me to start to say 3 and then he does it.

Kerensa - posted on 03/16/2009




My daughter just turned 2 and is really testing the boundaries at the moment. I'm a fan of the 'naughty corner/ step/ chair'. When she stops screaming and apologises she comes out. It seems to work - she knows that she can't just get away with whatever she wants, which is a step in the right direction!!!

What drives me mad is that she'll laugh when I tell her off, but snap to at every instruction my husband gives! Its not like we've even got different standards of expected behaviour.

Just choose what works for you and stick to it. Consistency is the key. As is making sure they get the same message from both parents. Good luck and remember - its perfectly natural for kids to test you to see what they can get away with. Don't take it personally and don't allow yourself to react through anger.

Cassydy - posted on 03/13/2009




i never got into the counting thing. My oldest is five and he used to have that screaming thing really bad. After i would try to talk to him to see what the problem was and he would ignore me, i would put him in his room and leave out and act like i was ignoring him. After he figured out that he could not get his way, we don't have this problem anymore. I taught him that he is not a baby and he is old enough to use words to talk

Heidi - posted on 03/13/2009




My daughter is 10 and can be hard to handle. I have always used the counting to 3 method. When I hit three there will be a consequence but the most important thing to remember is to follow through with consistency.  Rember they are their own little person too, but 9 times out of 10 my daughter listen's to me. I also use choices which helps to empower my daughter not letting her think that it's moms way or nothing. eg. Aurora is only allowed so much comp. time in a day. If she does not want to get off. I would say to her is ok the choice is yours you can stay on longer or u can have no comp. the next day. The choice is yours I will be back in 5 min to see what u have chosen. Again 9 times out of 10 she makes the right decission.



Christine - posted on 03/13/2009




I like to give myself a time out.  I walk outside on the porch to calm myself first.  My girls feed off my energy.  When I yell, they cry and the situation gets worse.  If I can walk away for a few minutes come back to them calm and with hugs it helps.  I then can stop what I'm doing and talk to them about what is bothering them and address the problem.  It's usually an easy fix at that point.  You have lots of great advice posted here.  Good luck.  I think we're a looking for sanity and peace in our homes...when someone finds it let me know!  Day by day and minute by minute.

Kim - posted on 03/12/2009




I agree with Brandi. Modeling the behavior you want to inspire is a great way to go. I love the parenting program Love & Logic but the one thing that I don't like is they treat the behavior as the problem. I conceptualize the behavior as part of a bigger picture. Your child doesn't misbehave for no reason. Temper tantrus are something a child uses to get something he or she wants. Sometimes it's attention, sometimes it's a release of frustration, sometimes it's because of being tired, sometimes it's their way of bullying you into submission, sometimes it's done to get even with you or register their discontent. The behavior is not the problem. The problem is that your child wants something they are not getting and are using screaming to get it. Try asking the magic question, "What do you want that you're trying to get by screaming?" This is a much different question than why. Your child is trying to get something and can usually tell you exactly what that is if you ask while he or she is in the process of misbehaving.

When a parent counts and then administers some form of punishment, it is like punishing a child for doing the best he or she knows how to get something he or she needs. Our job as parents, I believe, is to teach better behavior, not punish. Research is showing that children do not learn well when they are feeling afraid so punishment can actually interfere with what parents are trying to accomplish.

I hope this was helpful,

Kim Olver

Brandi - posted on 03/12/2009




My children are 15,6, and 5. I tell them when they start up that momma is taking a 15 min. time out. They stop and look at me like i am crazy and laugh. I tell them when I am done with my time out then they come to me like big girls and talk to me. For some reason it works for them. It works for me. And I have to say the older they get the more whiney and fit throwing they get. When the teen doesn't get her way OMGoodness the attitude these teens get these days.

Antonia - posted on 03/11/2009




Dont count to 10. my mum used to 'count to 3' and I cant remember her getting past 2, sometimes 1 was far enough, coz if she got to 3, we would get the wooden spoon.

I was watching supernanny the other day and she said dont count at all, counting to 3 or 10 means that your child knows that they have until 3 or 10 to do what they are told and said give them a warning and then punish.... (time out)

Jennie - posted on 03/11/2009




I don't count beyond 3 either. My daughter gets put in the corner - until she can stop the fit for 2-3 minutes. If it doesn't stop, or if she starts kicking/hitting the walls, she gets put in her room until she can stop for 2-3 minutes. It's healthy for them to get out their anger/aggression, better than holding it in... so 10-15 minutes in their bedroom is sometimes better than you getting frustrated by counting to 10 multiple times. Good luck!

Debra - posted on 03/11/2009




What I used to do was go into another room....one as quiet as possible for about 5/10 mins to regroup. Then try and calm my child down after I calmed down....

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